How do you prepare your child for the arrival of a new baby?

How do you prepare your child for the arrival of a new baby?

It's much like preparing your dog for a new puppy. Kidding, but not totally. It's really about easing into it.

When you are dealing with a child it's important to ease them into the new addition soon and slow. This goes for only children who will suddenly be sharing moms attention and affection or for other siblings who are suddenly losing their standing in the family hierarchy.

Sometimes I joke and say that kids have this natural survival instinct. It's what causes them to know the exact moment when mom and dad could be making a new addition and this explains why that is exactly when they will knock on the door or crawl into bed with you.

They have a sixth sense to let them know that they are moving down the chain.

Ok, so I'm just joking though it could be true (at least in my house) and it explains why hubby and I NEVER GET ALONE TIME.

But all kidding and sarcasm aside... here are some things to do to prepare your child(ren) for a new baby.

1. Tell them about it early. The sooner you tell them the longer they have to adjust. Have them ask any questions, answer them as honestly as their age permits.

2. Stress that they will always be special and find ways to make them feel that way. Give them a unique nickname or find a special story or rhyme you reserve just for them.

3.Let them share the news! Even if they aren't excited about a baby brother kids love to share news. It makes them feel big. So let them tell the grandparents, their friends, etc.

4. Allow them to go to the doctor with you... especially for the sonogram.

5. Let them pick out juniors name. You don't want to give them full control or your baby may be named Optimus Prime... but you could give them the names you are deciding between and let them have the final decision. This will really help foster a special bond.

6. Let them pick out things for the baby. A special blanket, their going home outfit or a stuffed animal will help them feel included.

7. Include them at the hospital. You may not want them in the room while you push (after all it's scary and who knows what colorful words they may hear). As soon as baby is out and able let your other children in first and be the very first to meet the new baby and hold them.  This is a good time to give them their special little gift they picked out.

8. Give your older kids a gift. You could get really creative and have them make a handmade frame in advance and then once baby is born put the first photo of them holding her into it. Or get them a special toy. It's easy for big kids to get jealous when the baby gets so much attention and gifts so be sure to not leave them out.

9. Be honest. Explain that when a new baby comes people are very excited to see the baby and sometimes it may seem like that is all they care about but that is not the case. And slowly things will become more balanced . If they ever feel they are not getting enough attention they can just say so. But you have to make a point to listen and look for signs if they don't mention it and of course make a point to give older kids all the love and attention they need... even if it's on just 2 hours of sleep thanks to that new bundle of joy.

10. Be ready to seek help. If your child starts to revert to younger behavior (tantrums, potty accidents, or won't do tasks they normally do like feeding themselves), acts out or becomes a bit rough with the new baby (pinches, tosses toys at or seems at all aggressive) and talking to them isn't working do not be afraid to ask for help. You can find a friend, parent, online connections like www.tampabaymomsgroup.com (sorry, shameless self promotion) and of course your pediatrician.

But if the kid just doesn't adjust to the new baby put them in a dog crate until they decide to play nice. And reward them with treats when they do good. And never underestimate the power of a good, behind the ear scratch. (:P)

Oh, and congratulations and good luck with your new addition!

Cyndi Edwards from Daytime motivated me to blog! (Again)

Today I recorded my segment for Daytime.  First of all let me say that I just LOVE going on. Cyndi is just so amazing. I adore her. And Jerry (who skipped out to have fun in L.A.) is a hoot!

But today it was just Cyndi and I. And the only bad part is the show will feature lots of models for a Tampa Fashion Week feature. So here I am surrounded by 80lb, 7' tall models. Nothing makes you feel sexy and thin like being surrounded by 20 something's who get paid to be gorgeous. It's hard to believe I ever came close to looking like them... but on the bright side... they should hope to look like me in 10 years after popping out a few kids. (Sour grapes anyone?)

So I'm feeling no so hot and here comes the cherry on top... literally. Cyndi walks out looking positively stunning in red! I probably complimented her 20 times. She was absolutely gorgeous! She could have been up there with those models no problem. And here I sat in my belly fat hiding blouse, mom jeans and ballet flats (because I just can't wrangle kids in heels).

Any way... today was pretty much the format as all the times before. I answer real questions from real moms. Simple right? But as Cyndi did my introducntion she mentioned my blog... My Handmade Life by Steffany813. Eeekkk!!!!

I have been so terribly bad about keeping up with this! She told be that she loved it and of course I was sincerely flattered but I told her what a absolute slacker I was about psoting here. It's not that I don't love it but I just don't have a lot of time and with Tampa Bay Moms Group growing so fast and other endevours I am dabbling it... well... my blog has fallen by the wayside.

But since it will be mentioned on Friday (10am on WFLA's Daytime if anyone cares to watch) I better freshen this puppy up!

SO here I am... I am blogging. I am posting. Yeah me!!!

I better keep it cracking too. Thanks Cyndi for giving me a swift kick in the butt to be a little better about my blog! (No pressure!)

Me on TV!

I was on WFLA's Daytime again today! Actually I taped it on Wednesday but it aired today.

I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing myself on TV. Honestly though, even though I can't get over at least a mild case of nerves the hosts, Jerry Penacoli and Cyndi Edwards are just so amazing. They just have this way of making you feel right at home so even with multiple cameras and lights blaring you are right at ease with them.

Once again today I was asked some parenting questions. These were provided by the members of www.tampabaymomsgroup.com. They asked:

• How do you prepare your child for the arrival of a new baby?
• How do you decide which extra curricular activities your child should do?
• How do you talk to your kids about bullying?
• What do you do if your child is being bullied?
• What do you do id your child is a bully?

Not such easy questions! Well if you didn't see the show I'll go ahead and spend a few posts answering these questions... but not right now.

Right now I will sit back and enjoy my 5 minutes of fame. After all, a friends husband called to ask if I was on TV since every television in his gym had my face slapped on it while he was working out!

Best part of taping was the first time I was out at Daytime Jerry and Cyndi said how they just "loved me". I'm no ego maniac so I was unbelievably flattered!

This time they said how they really wanted me back out because I was so fun and candid and natural! No pressure right?!?!? LOL. But it was great. I do think I made a mention to them that if I started a coughing fit and had to cross my legs suddenly ignore me. I then explained how I can no longer cough, sneeze or jump without having to prepare. And then I realized I must be nervous since I was basically blabbing to them about how moms pee themselves. ***I'm such a nerd***

But hopefully my overshare didn't scare them off. They did say they wanted me back out. I left the studio on cloud 9!

Not bad for a crazy (oversharing) mom who just wanted to connect other moms online. ***Smiling Happily***

It could alwyas be worse so it can't be that bad.

Sometimes it's easy to loose track of all the things you have to be grateful for. No matter how many blessings you have you can forget about them during one bad day. But I tend to really focus on my good fortune. But then there are times when too much is going good and I think "this just can't last".

I'm not a "glass half full person" really. But I'm not the "glass half full" kind either. I'm a "There's a glass so if I get thirsty I'm all set" kind of girl. I'm practical. Not a pessimist or an optimist... it's more of a realist.

So when things are going my way I don't forget about all the bad things going on. I focus on the good, realize that things could always be worse and then try to do something about the bad.

Sometimes the bad I try to fix isn't even in my life. For example, we have been blessed to be able to finally move out of our too small home and into the perfect home. It's in a area I love and since we are building we are customizing it as we want (within our budget). But during the excitement of making this huge, life changing purchase natural disasters (tornadoes to be exact) have left many people homeless, not to mention the deaths from the event.

It really upset me. Here I am thrilled about my new home when many people don't' have one to go to. I know, I can't save everyone. But it's hard to be happy for me knowing  how others suffer. So I will stay focused on the positive. My family works hard and is getting a house that finally fits us and we deserve this. But I will also try to do something to not just show I appreciate what I have but to help those who may not have.

We have been doing a lot of volunteer work this summer. Simple things like doing collections, volunteering time, talents. Things that may be small in scale but add up and help.

I look at it as throwing a few extra coins into the karma jar for a rainy day. It helps my conscience and helps others.

So though I never loose sight of my blessings I also try to help make things easier for others so they can find a few blessings themselves.

Maybe my "it can always be worse" attitude isn't what most people would think of as positive but it works. When B spends hours at doctors I think that she walked in there. Some of the kids at the neurologist can't do that. When we disagree over who should have A over a weekend (split custody is a bummer) I think how lucky he is to have two sets of parents who love him so much. When D is acting like a brat and on my nerves I think of how we almost lost her twice (from MRSA and the seizure) and suddenly my patience grows.

It could always be worse. And maybe one day it will be. But as long as I have my kids and my husband... I'm blessed.

So sure, it can always be worse but if it can get worse then it can't be that bad.

Mom Squad: Humane Society Officer kitten shooting

I was on Channel 10 for the Mom Squad discussing a pretty sad incident.

The story was on the Huffington Post: Bob Accorti, Police Officer, Shoots Five Feral Kittens In Ohio

Basically a family of feral cats were in a families yard. The husband could not remove the aggressive kittens (ages about 7 months) so they called to have the animals removed. When a humane animal officer came out he said the shelters were full and the kittens would be going to "kitty heaven". He then proceeded to shoot the kittens... as the mom and her 4 children ranging in age from 5 months to 7 years watched from inside the house. Some stories say the family was outside and when the firing started the mom took her kids inside when it began. The officer was not disciplined because "weapons are an acceptable form of euthanasia" and "his actions were appropriate" and "they decided not to impose any disciplinary measures for the incident".  I am giving my opinion based on what I have read and realize maybe it is inaccurate but for the sake of argument let's say it's right.

The big story is the officers method of euthanizing the animals. Not only does it wreak of animal cruelty, the fact that children were watching this shows a blatant lack of judgment... not to mention a disregard of safety procedures. And the phrase excessive force keeps running through my head. Firing a weapon in a residential neighborhood? In a families yard? Where do you start. But that wasn't my only issue.

When I discussed the topic on the Moms Squad Segment called Mom Squad: Humane Society Officer kitten shooting I was pretty shocked after reading the articles, watching videos on this I never once found anyone saying "Why were the kids watching this transpire?".
I mean... feral cats, armed officer... I'm no rocket scientist but it sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Sure the best case scenario would be for the officer to somehow capture the cats in a nonthreatening way and take them somewhere else to be put down (though I am sure they could have found a place for them that did not include being destroyed). But let's be real. There is a much higher chance of the cats attacking the officer or him hurting the animals in order to capture them. Then throw in that he drew a weapon and viola! Media Fodder!

Let's say the mom did not know that the officer would be using such excessive force to "put the cats downs".  Let's say that it all happened so fast, suddenly he drew and started shooting... even if that is the case the kids should not have been present! Nor should the officer discharged his weapon in front of civilians when his life or personal safety was not in danger!

But when I pointed out that no one was asking why the mom was letting her kids watch this I got a message "So the MOTHER was at fault because her kids were watching? Sure, that's just like blaming the victim".

Yes, it is blaming the victim because guess what? SOMETIMES THE VICTIM IS TO BLAME!

Maybe in this case the mom is not entirely at fault but when you're a mom you have to take responsibility. I don't think being the "victim" should give you immunity.

As a mom  you have to be willing to take the blame. You made a bad decision. You may want to cry foul and rally for the officer to be punished (and yes, he should be punished) but you need to step up and say "Yes, I may not have known what was going to happen but I should have taken precautions anyway". It's was a good mother does. She accepts responsibility for her actions. She sets the example for her kids. And maybe this mom is doing that and it's just not in the news.

But for some random person to get worked up because I want to "blame the victim" is ignorant at best. Yet this may also be the exact type of person who files suit against a coffee shop for having their coffee burn them just because they didn't have the foresight to wait for it to cool before drinking.
It reminds me of this clip that has been circulating the Internet for a while.
In it a pregnant woman stands smoking as she worries what effect the sound of a jackhammer will have on her unborn child.

 

I wonder if in the sad event the baby was born prematurely with underdeveloped lungs or other complications if she tried to sue the construction company? Or maybe she went after the tobacco companies? Or perhaps she took the blame, felt the guilt and started to do right for her child.

 

I'll never understand it. It's like a game of hot potato where blame is the potato and everyone in the world (myself included) wants to join in and pass it around hoping it will stick to the person of our choice when often the blame should be spread out among more than just one person.

 

But that's also the funny thing with blame. Though many people deserve it, few will accept it. Most people just pass it along. While there are those who take it, even when they shouldn't and wallow in it. If everyone just accepted responsibility for their own actions we cold stop passing the blame and focus on fixing the problem.

 

Rather than picketing the police department to punish this officer, start a campaign to eliminate the use of weapons on animals by human officers. Wouldn't that be a more productive use of everyones time and efforts?

 



Will my body ever be the same after pregnancy?

This was a question asked to me on Daytime.

I believe my response was "It depends on how you feel about liposuction and plastic surgery".

But all kidding aside this is a very popular question.

It's asked by moms who are are preparing to have a baby, by moms who have their little bun stretching their oven into a shape they never would have thought possible and by moms who have had one or more kids and still can't find the body they lost before having a baby.

Sometimes your body snaps back. Sometimes it snaps back from your first pregnancy and after the second it doesn't. And there are times when it doesn't go back.

You can google and look for explanations and solutions but this is what I know...

Every woman, every body and every pregnancy is unique. Having a baby is magical and sometimes a little traumatic for the body and not everyone can get back to their pre-baby shape.

Some moms can without trying, some can with a good amount of work and then some spend the rest of their lives wearing maternity jeans long after their kids have grown up.

To get back to your original shape and figure you have to be willing to work at it. But I think most importantly you have to be willing to accept the fact that you may not get there... and that's ok.

You made a baby! You have extra skin and maybe some fat and probably more than a few stretchmarks because you used your body to create a life! You made an entire person. That alone is amazing. We have pressure to be this perfect  mom and yet we add to it the pressure of appearances.

We feel so much pressure as women to look good, be thin and sexy but that's not what is important. It's not about being "skinny". Skinny isn't always healthy. It's not about being thin. Thin doesn't mean fit. And it sure as hell isn't about being sexy because sexiness is in how you feel and how you carry yourself. Sexy is a state of mind if you ask me.

So eat right, be active and get HEALTHY. Not only will you being doing what's best for you but you will also be doing what's best for your child. You will be insuring that you are around for them as long as you can by implementing a healthy lifestyle and best of all... you will be setting a good example for your kids.

It is a fact that kids who watch their parents display healthy eating habits such as choosing fruits and healthy snacks over prepackaged calorie filled snacks will often opt for healthy options themselves.

It is a fact that kids who exercise with their parents will be more active and healthy themselves. You don't have to take a trip to the gym. Play! Chasing your kid around is a great work out. Go outside, play, take a walk, bike, run, even wrestling and having a tickle fight gets you and your kid moving together.

I'm not the best physical specimen. In fact I love to eat (and I have the belly to prove it). I can add bacon and ranch dressing to just about anything. But I do yoga daily and try to replace some ingredients with healthy alternatives. But I'm doing it to be a little healthier myself and to help my kids see that replacing white bread with whole grain bread is simple and easy. Now we may add a side of chips to our sandwich but still... it's all about the little steps and doing the work to get you to where you want to be.

But really... be happy with you. It is important to teach your kids by example that being confident is a decision they have to make just like being healthy is.

I'm a writer.

I'm not a "blogger".

I'm a writer. I've writen tons of short stories and done freelance work. I love to write.

But this blog is different. I'm not looking at it as a blog. I'm looking at it as a tool for my writing and my book. Let me explain...

See, I started www.tampabaymomsgroup.com (TBMG) to help myself and other moms connect.

I'm a mom to three amazing kids. But I didn't know it all (and I still don't). I really just wanted a place where I could go to get, and when possible give, advice. 

So I created TBMG and used my mommy friends as a sounding board for the ideas and features for it. With the help of my founding members TBMG was born and in the last few years has grown to be the largest social forum of it's kind in Tampa Bay.

So as the site grew so did our "fan base" and I began to get emails from fans, not just in Tampa Bay but from all over the US. Some were personal. So personal they didn't want to post on the site (even though they could remain relatively anonymous). I was being asked for parenting advice. Me! The person who created a site so she could get advice and support.

After a while the media picked up on the site. Thanks to TBMG I have been featured on Daytime   WFLA where I give Advice for Moms by Moms and been asked to join WTSP Channel 10's Mom Squad  where I along with two other moms give a moms opinion on a wide range of topics.

I have been so blessed to be able to share what I know and even more blessed to continue to learn.

My advice and opinions may not always be right. They often are humorous and a little off the wall. In fact sometimes they may be down right scary. But they are mine.

And I hope that people take this blog just as that. A fun and entertaining and dare I hope... informative take on parenting and things that come up in the life of a mom or just a moms eye view of different topics. Oh and if you learn something or want to teach me a thing or two, even better.