Finding a mommy friend is like dating all over again.

Being a stay at home mom reminded me of my long lost dating skills (or lack thereof). I'm sure I am not the only one who feels this way.

Being a mom can be socially isolating. Sure you may have a significant other, kids, pets, whatever but without someone with whom you can relate (share stories of diaper rash and vomiting and all he other highlights of motherhood) it can seem like you are very alone. Enter the "mommy dating scene".

The playground is the mommy equivalent to a singles bar. Here is the scenario.

From across the park you see a mom. She looks normal. Her kids are about the same age as yours. You watch from afar for a little bit trying to pick up on some signal that maybe she would be interested in a playdate. Finally you go up to her with the pick up line "Nice diaper bag," or "Want to use my hand sanitizer," or even "Wow, your kid is so adorable".

You wait to see if she wants to continue the conversation. She does! Now you are in business. You sit and watch the kids play as you swap stories about your little one's firsts. After a while one of you says "Hey we should get the kids together some time". Fantastic. You swap digits. She calls the very next day!

Then comes the first playdate. You get there early but she is late. You wonder if she has had second thoughts. You wonder if maybe she forgot. You wonder if the kids just have her running behind. Finally she shows just as you were starting to feel stood up.

The kids play. Yours are having fun and hers aren't acting like brats (which can be a big time deal breaker). She shares goldfish crackers and you supply juice boxes. Everything seems to be going great. You say "We should do this again sometime," and she agrees saying she'll call you.

But she doesn't. Was it something you said? Something you did? You wait a few days as you try to figure out what went wrong before calling. Finally you call her 3 days later (you don't want to seem desperate by calling too soon) and you get voice mail. You leave a message saying "Hi, this is _______. We hung out at the park a few days ago. I just wanted to see how things are going. maybe get together again sometime. Give me a call ________".

Ok, you made the first move. Ball is in her court.... but no call back. Should you call again? Maybe a text? You don't want to seem like a stalker. You can't risk being clingy. You may have already had experiences with the over eager mommy friends who don't give you space to breath. You don't want to be that mom.

You do nothing hoping she will see the light and realize how awesome you are and call you. She doesn't.

When you take your kids back to that park you can't help but look for her. She doesn't show up. Is she avoiding you? Just as you decide to give up on finding a mommy friend a woman sits down next to you and says "Awe, what cute kids."

And your back in the game. It's not a rebound friend... it's another chance and you hope this one goes better.

And when the playground/bar scene doesn't work you can take your hunt online to any number of parenting sites. My favorite is Moms Like Me where I have made several friends myself.

It's tough finding a girlfriend nowadays. You have to b willing to be shot down a few times but keep putting yourself out there. There are a lot of moms in the sea... and if you catch the right one or two or even more your life will be better for it. I promise.

Missing Melissa

I wasn't going to blog today because there is only one thing on my mind so I knew this would be about that.

One year ago today my sister Melissa died. She and her boyfriend, both of whom were in the Navy, were cruising along a highway in California on his motorcycle. Basically he swerved to get around someone in front of him with oncoming traffic in the other lane. Before he was able to get back into his own lane the back of the bike was clipped by a RV and Melissa was thrown from the bike and the RV ran over her. She was literally crushed and limbs were ripped off. Her boyfriend was fine.

Obviously the family was devastated. Some directed all the anger at the boyfriend. I didn't because even though I morn her death she was a grown woman and I am sure she knew what kind of driver he was and she made the choice to get on the bike. Plus I know she loved him and wouldn't want him blamed but his life is over anyway. He went AWOL, was criminally charged, etc.

I am filled with such sadness for our loss. I have so many regrets. I wish I had been better to her. I wasn't bad to her but she just took so long getting her life together that I didn't make an effort to be close to her figuring that there would be time once she matured. Well she did mature but then she was gone.

I remember when she called on Thanksgiving how I made the excuse that Mom really wanted to talk to her just so I could get off the phone and not have to listed no anymore of her stories of eating weird food in Iraq. I would give anything to hear her talk about Turkey Bacon again. I'd give anything just to hear her voice again.

She will never know how proud I was of her, how amazingly brave I thought she was for serving our country. She will never see her newest niece and D  will never know her other then in story.

I don't have much else to say except be careful on the roads. Drive safe. Be cautious because even if you are being safe others around you may not be. Don't speed, down rush to get through a yellow light, don't tailgate, don't swerve in and out of traffic. There is no place you need to get too that is worth your life.

And also, don't wait until tomorrow to do what you could do today. Don't assume there will be a tomorrow to let someone know how you feel. Regret can eat you up so do what you can to make it to each day without any following you from the last.

Melissa, you will be missed always and forever.

The best changing room sign ever!

This is the sign posted above the changing station a the drive in. I am not sure if it was meant to be humorous so I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. I guess I will laugh!

Not such a good day at the park.

As per our normal routine I took D and A to the playground behind where B takes gymnastics while she practices. While we were there two young thug looking characters trying very hard to be cool rode up on their bikes and sat at a bench near the only exit. I then watched them from across the park empty a cigar and begin to roll a blunt.

I am no saint. I admit this but these two kids rolling a blunt and sparking up at a park in where kids were playing was astounding to me.

I thought about calling the cops but with the amount of time it would take them to get there and the problem calling would create if they noticed what I was doing I decided against it.

Once they moved away from the gate we left and returned to gymnastics where we were greeted by another kid who matched the first two kids to a tee was using every foul word he could while on his cell. All this in front of more kids and parents and none of us saying anything.

I only let the potty mouth kid slide because I was so amazed at every ones silence! (And I have a foul mouth too but I at least try to watch it around kids.)

I wish I had said something but the other sad thing is that now a-days, simply saying "Please watch your language" to some punk could get you truly cussed out... or worse. Sad.

House Beautiful?

There are a great many things I am good at, some things I would even go so far as to say I am great at. I will admit that decorating my house doesn't fall into either of these categories.

It's sadly funny that my friends actually come to me with matters of interior decorating but when if comes to my own abode I can't seem to get anything accomplished.

I tend to get overwhelmed when trying to decorate and then just go with anything but it never ends well. Plus my decor scheme is eclectic at best. With candelabras, and vases and random junk including some medieval style knickknack (from my husband, yes I know what you are thinking, and yes he is that dorky) and whatever someone has given me. Yeah, tasteful right? Plus 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house makes my living room more like a playroom then anything else. And the worst part is nothing on the house has been updated... ever. So we have the original 1980's tile (a vomit inducing mixture of off white, cream, peach and gray) and all the counter tops in the kitchen are bisque with appliances to match. Bisque in the age of stainless steel is a barely a step up from green.

(The tile is way worse in person, I swear.)

Part of the issue is we are wanting to move so I don't want to invest a lot of money into cosmetic crap for a house we are leaving. But there is so much that needs done that if we don't make it nicer to look at soon I am going to loose it.

So I am trying to set up a gameplan for the house. I think a big part is we need to paing the walls. They are a light mauve/plum mixture on one side and a flesh tone peach (our attempt at matching the tile) on the other. Then some areas lik the hallways are chipped white.

So here is the thing, with this tile when we got out carpet installed we when with a light stone color to match the tile. When I paint should I just try to tie int he tile or finally give up and go with colors I like?

We need new couches too, again something I didn't want to purchase because we buy a couch now and move soon what if it doesn't work at the new place? But these couches, aside from being ugly, do match but are breaking down. When I can't find the baby I am always mildly scared that she fell into the gapping hole inbetween the coushions. Plus some springs stick up so you sit at your own risk.

Out coffee table is about done too but it matches the entertainment set and everything else so if we loose that we may have to replace the other pieces too.

Where the heck do I start?

I think I will go and scope out some couches. Get an idea of what I am wanting as far as a sofa goes and then get some color swatches for the walls. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Now to find time to do that...

Stay tuned for updates on how it's going.

My baby having a tantrum while singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Sorry I filmed it sideways. You may have to listen more then once to hear it but the brat is singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and screaming and crying while doing it. She is something.

Happy Independence Day

hope you have a safe and happy holiday.