What kids will do for money!

I will admit that James and I aren't perfect in the parenting arena... but sometimes we are just plan terrible. Like today when we decided to offer my oldest child money if she would sit in the bathroom after he father took a giant poop! We originally offered $1 for 1 minute but she declined. We then sweetened the deal to $5 but she had to stay in there for 5 minutes. She was very hesitant but she had been wanting a Justin Bieber book and this would help her earn the money for it. With that reminder as a but of encouragement she accepted the deal. Of course I had to not only video it but also put it on my blog! Yes, I am twisted but I love it. And a big thanks to Justin Bieber for giving B  something she can obsess over to the extent of enduring the stench of James.

B  has gone into the bathroom and is staying in there of her own free will. Watch the video...  

But just before her time ran out my toddler started throwing a tantrum so we got sidetracked and B  was in there for closer to 10 minuites. Opps, my bad!  Thankfully she can't tell time too well, so we were able to stick with only giving her $5.  

It's amazing what some kids (and often adults) will do for money. Yuck!!!

High School Chorus Shirts...Wow... Just Wow!

I have seen a lot of whacked out shirts before but this one for Chamberlain High School is up there on the list of worst... but in a very amusing way.

Critiquing it is not a challenge. It's so easy in fact it's hardly worth doing... But I'm going to anyway because I'm childish.

Let's start off with the teacher plastering a picture of himself on the back. Really? Do you honestly think kids want to walk around with your mug on their clothing with the little speak bubble saying "Be there!"? And is that the best slogan you can come up with? Just kinda crappy if you ask me. It's like he wasn't even trying. Or maybe he was trying.. trying to piss the kids off with this dorky shirt. But moving right along...

The slogan for this shirt is "School House Rock" which is represented by the two rocks on the front of the shirt singing. But as you can see here a better slogan would be "Rock Hard Nips". What were they thinking? Putting two cartoon rocks right on the breast portion of the shirt? I feel like her boobs are talking to me and it's creeping me out! No wonder the rocks are singing... they got to second base. It's hard not to stare at them and since the shirts are for high school kids it dirty to. Sad thing is I don' tknow if this was intentional.  

So let's recap... this chorus instructor hates his students and has punked them all with his shirt design. Ha ha losers... now wear it and sing!

I had to give this kid money!

I have been known to give a dollar or two to the panhandlers on the corners but this kids sign was so amusing to me that I gave him a whopping $3!!!

During a single red light me and my kids watched him get money from 3 different cars. I offered him money too in exchange for a photo of the sign. He held it up and smiled and I took the shot on my phone. I felt bad because this kid looks about 16 at the max and obviously is witty. Even though the sign made me chuckle the idea of this kid on a corner breaks my heart but who knows... he may be opting to stand around with this sign instead of working at McDonalds and if that's the case I'd wager he's making a good bit more on his corner then he would behind a deep fryer. .

What else am I supposed to put my kids in?

I am always amazed at the warnings that have to be posted on things. I have to wonder if they put this sticker on because someone did it and now they have to or if they know how stupid people are and are trying to prevent it. Either was I guess I have to find a new place to store my kids.

Nurses Aren't Supposed to Laugh

Ok, I am stealing this from an email my grandmother sent me. It's just simple, silly and fun and made me smile. I hope it does the same for you:

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh....

'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional.


In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,

revealing the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen.

Length and width, it couldn't have been any bigger than

a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse

started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.

Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet

and regain her composure. 'I am so sorry,' she said.

'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse

and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell

me, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.
 

The best changing room sign ever!

This is the sign posted above the changing station a the drive in. I am not sure if it was meant to be humorous so I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. I guess I will laugh!

An orgy at the aquarium?

This is a sign displayed at the Florid Aquarium. I think this is inappropriat. What do you think?

Wow, sum peepel ar smart!

This is really a sign I passed while driving. I want to thank the idiots who wrote it for the best laugh I have had in a while.

If only kids knew how easy they have it.

I stogged (my word for steal for my blog) this off an email. If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda



And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd




(And though I remember all these things and I find humor in it I want to clarify that I AM NOT YET 30!!!)