Tuesday, May 22, 2012

B's Speech

Today is B's birthday. I am officially the mother of a teenager. But considering she doesn't generally behave like a teen I'm not worried about the parenting stuff that comes along with teenagers... yet. I have enough to deal with with this kid. But it's not all bad. In fact, it's mostly great. Especially with moments like we had tonight.

B goes to a school for special needs kids. Tonight was the awards banquet for the athletes. We enjoyed a nice dinner put on by the culinary arts students and then on to the awards. Each coach was called up to introduce themselves, their team and pass out awards.

Coach after coach went up. Student after student walked on stage, took their award and went back to their seat. But then B's coach, Coach D, was called up to the podium. On her way down the aisle B stopped her. I don't know exactly what she was saying to her coach but I had to pull her gently away and tell her to wait until after the ceremony. B said she wanted to thank her. I said that's nice but to wait.

When Coach D went to the stage she said a few words about the amazing cheerleaders and thanked the parents for their support. Then she called the first girl who got her award and returned to her seat. Next was B. B walked on stage, took her award from the athletic director and began to have a discussion. Coach D went on with calling the next girl and B walked behind the podium AND STOOD THERE!

Now every other kid just went up, took their kudos, shook a hand and sat back down. But there B stood. My mind was racing. Did she think she was supposed to stay on stage? Was she just confused? Hubby and I could only speculate as to what she was standing there for. We were both nervous and honestly a little scared. We tried to signal to her to come sit back down but she was smack dab in the middle of the stage and we were in the far back corner. So I did what any good mother would do... I whipped out my camera and ran video.

When Coach D was done the athletic director whispered to her and she announced that B would like to say a few words. I honestly thought she was going to announce to the room it was her birthday or something. I didn't know what was going to happen! Here is the video. Sorry for the poor quality. I hadn't anticipated a speech.

B gave an acceptance speech. It wasn't rehearsed. It wasn't even planned. It was however heartfelt. She thanked her friends, her parents and thankfully didn't thank the academy. Her teachers and the school staff along with all the parents and students listened and smiled as she went on. It was short and sweet and she walked off the stage to thunderous applause.

Now this school is used to kids not always doing what is expected. No one stopped her and everyone supported her. And I was so proud. Ok, it was totally scary. I was so surprised I literally laughed until I cried and the more I cried the more I laughed. I looked around and her teachers were laughing too.

B did ask why we were laughing and I told her it was such a pleasant surprise we couldn't hold it in.

I just can't convey in here our total shock and how hysterically funny it was to watch my kid be the only kid to decide to give a speech. But it made everyone feel good and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. And I have a feeling people who were there will smile when they think about it.

So for B's 13th birthday she gave a lot of people the gift of a great memory.

B hugging her trophy! 

Friday, May 4, 2012

My separation anxiety

I think I am suffering from some sort of separation anxiety or something like that.

It started last year when my best friend went back to work because she was going through a divorce. Then the same thing happened to another friend and she moved 45 minutes away and started working and dating. Then another friend moved far as hell away. Then when school started some friends put their kids in school or preschool and found "kid free" ways to busy themselves. Now several of my friends including one of my best friends is going back to school and wanting to start a career of some kind. Then there is the handful of other friends that instead of sending kids off to school they are having another baby. A 4 year difference in age makes play dates a bit hard and when you have a baby you generally want to hang around others with babies.

Let me be selfish here. I feel abandoned and angry. I don't "work" outside the home. I just don't want to at this point in my life. I have 3 kids and am married so partying on the weekends isn't an option. I don't want to go back to school, I didn't really like it the first time and I don't know what I want to be other then my current idea of becoming a yoga instructor. During the week I have a toddler in tow almost all the time so I can't always go for a mani/pedi or other non kid friendly activity. I do understand a parent who doesn't have to pick up their kids until school let's out not wanting to hang out with me at Chuck E Cheese and listen to screaming kids when they don't have too. And I can't take my kids to the Baby Story Time at the library. She's almost reading!

I'm feeling lonely and like everyone is leaving. And as people life circumstances change (divorce, work, school, etc) people tend to find others they have more in common with and can see more easily. Maybe I'm needy. Ok... no maybes about it. I'm needy.

I hate change. I wish things would stay the same. Sure most of the changes are friends trying to improve their situations but... DAMN IT!!! I miss people.

I miss when I had a friend that lived close by with a kid almost the same age. We spent almost every day together and would talk on the phone when we weren't around one another. I feel like every time anything changes it gets harder to keep in touch. I'll call but when I don't get a call back I will often just let it go until they call me. Next thing you know a month has passed and I haven't spoken to the person. And it's not their fault. They have their own lives to deal with and I can't always talk when they call and if I forget to call back it's another month before we connect.

Not to mention everyone wanting to go to school and get jobs... it makes me feel ambitionless. I like not working! I'm content doing a few freelance type jobs here and there. I love being home with the kids. Sure, it's a lot of work (some days more then others) but I love it. Its been a long time since I had a job that I love. It's so nice to wake up not wanting your boss to give you a reason to quit (and with that no longer being an option anyway this works great). But at the same time I feel guilty I have no desire to further my education or work.

Every time a friend says they are fighting with their husband, contemplating going to work or has a kid starting school I get a little upset. I want to be happy when someone announces they are moving to an amazing house or starting school but I'm not really. I'm happy they are happy but I'm sad for myself. (Again, I'm being selfish and I don't care!)

Maybe if I do what our kids do, kick and scream and latch on to them so they can't leave then they will continue to give me attention and won't go. Worth a try right?

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I win.

Today was... interesting if not completely infuriating.

Here's a little back story:

Generally I don't get up with the kids in the morning unless there is something going on (appointments or events and activities, etc.). Don't think I "sleep in" because I don't. I am up about an hour after they are. In fact the sound of them slamming the door is my alarm to get out of bed.

I'm not lazy... I'm just not a morning person and am super cranky in the early hours of day so I tend to be a grouch and nitpick at things or nag. So when I get up and see things James forgot to do or things out and messed up after I picked up before bed or the kids socks not being identically white or B's hair a bit frizzy after she already brushed it I tend nag and next thing you know the kids are rushing to get to school on time and James is late for work.  It's just honestly easier on everyone (especially with me staying up till midnight working on the website all the time) for them to get dressed and out the door and then for me to get up. That measly hour of extra bed time (and I say bed time because often once they are up I'm done sleeping) saves everyone from the "Morning Mommy Monster".

So my kids get up at 6am and my hubby has them get ready and they are gone by 7am at the latest. They dress themselves, after all they are 10 and 12. They also are supposed to get their own breakfast. I keep a big variety available for them. When there's time they can choose from cereal, oatmeal, grits, breakfast sandwiches, waffles, pancakes, toaster strudels, and microwave and toaster heatable things to cook up for breakfast. If they are in a rush there is a variety of cereal bars, fruits, pop tarts and things like that.  They even have special cups so if they have to take their milk or juice in the car with them.  

I'm up by 7, barely an hour after they get up. And since D sleeps till 8 it gives me a chance to wake up without being a pain in anyones ass. I get up grumpy, clean up the mess they made while getting ready and then do a few sun salutations (yoga) and am in a good mood.  It may not be the best system but it works perfectly for us.

So back to the point,

I dropped my toddler and sick son off at my grandmothers since I had a field trip to chaperon for B's school. B forgot breakfast so when I asked her if she ate she said no. My uncle overheard and when into a huge tirade about what a shitty mom I am. I'm a bad housewife. What kind of mother sends her kids off to school without a home cooked breakfast. I snorted when my grandmother even chimed in saying "I didn't cook you kids breakfast. You had cereal." His lame response, "Yeah! But we didn't make it ourselves!" he then looked at me and said "What are you teaching your kids?!?".

Ok. Let's break this down. This is a man who was a psuedo celebrity athlete at one point and for your typical reasons lost it all. He is twice divoroced with more then a couple kids (one from each marriage plus some). He is
. in his 40s and lives with his parents where he pays no rent. He borrows their car to go out. He has his mom cook his dinner and pack his lunch. And no, I'm not honestly sure if she makes his breakfast or not. He is bitter and lonely. He is ambitionless and unhappy. No wonder he has anger issues. But when you don't try to fix your situation who can you truly blame?

So in regards to his questions, "What are you teaching your kids?!?" I literally laughed out loud and said... "Some responsibility so they don't end up like you!".

He kept harping on and normally my mouth just goes off like a firecracker when I'm angry but seriously... I won. There is nothing he can say. He is a loser. He can call my parenting into question all he wants but let's call a spade a spade. No matter what he says about me I am not him so I win, period, end of discussion.

I cook, clean, volunteer, craft, tutor, run errands, work, and so much more... just like most moms. Do I think I'm special for all I do? Ok, sometimes but generally no. I do think that because of all I do, not waking up at 6 am to make a "home cooked meal" for the kids is perfectly fine. Besides they get that on the weekends! And even if they weren't...they are learning to be self sufficient!!! So maybe I'm giving them even more of a benefit then if I was up scrabbling eggs and frying bacon.

Point is... if you are going to be a judgmental asshole and start a fight about things you don't understand... don't be a loser because you can't win. And yes, if you come at me negative and quesiton my parenting or piss me off I will put you on blast on my blog. It's how I roll. So again... I win.