Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Talking Crap

Warning: I am going to talk about poop so this may stink (get it?) or at least get mildly yucky read on with caution.

I am irked by my hubbys bowles. He does a number 2 at least 4 times a day... each time is for at least 30 minutes.

My main issue is originally I thought there may be something wrong medically. But aside from my concerns about his health I am annoyed by it.

I know he can't help it. I realize this and I may sound bitchy for be bugged by it but it literally effects my life! We can't go to dinner without me bringing my kindle because I know that at some point he will disappear to the restrooms for at least 30 minutes. My kids and I often get stuck waiting around in a store because he has to hit the can while we are out. And the fact that he goes frequently regardless of convienence isn't as bad as his toilet "quirks".

He won't go to the john without "reading material". It drives me crazy. A magazine, the ipad, he has to have soemthing to read or mess with.  Maybe if you weren't playing "Angry Birds" or catching up on MSN News you wouldn't be in there so long? He has litterally read the back of shampoos and lotion bottles. Does reading make things come out better?  Seriously!

I mean I know I don't go #2 as often as most people but even when I do I am not in there longer then 5 minutes tops. So as I am complaining about his bathroom antics to one of my friends she tells me her DH does the exact same thing!!! WTF?!?! So is this normal man behavior? I mean I try not to understand men... I find it to be pointless but in this case I am curious. I just don't think women do this... but maybe this is some deep rooted habitual trait ingrained in the male species?

I don't make a big deal out of it to hubby because I do know he honestly can't help having to go but the fact that he makes no effort to prevent this or at least check with his doctor to make sure it's nothing more serious pisses me off. So as he grunts and pants and drops friends off at the pool all I can do is sit and be annoyed and mildly concerned and hope the bathroom airs out soon so I can take a shower and in the meantime I will talk crap on my blog. (Get it? Talking crap... because we are talking about real crap.... Hey! Is this thing on?)

I am quivering with excitement... for BACON!!!

We all know I love bacon and I am so thrilled to see that Denny's not only appreciate the worlds most delicious meat that but also celebrates it!!! So many bacon infused dishes to choose from but I will most definitely be ordering the bacon sundae as my appetizer! Yeah you heard me and I will be using the bogo coupon to get another for dessert. Yeah baby, that's how I roll!

TAMPA, FL 33618

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Trying to turn my thumb green!

I love gardens. I adore plants and flowers. I marvel at the birds and bugs they invite. My problem is though... I can't grow anything. I have tried and I can't even get a Chia Herb Garden to sprout! But with two daughters who like me are enamoured of the outdoors and love looking and picking plants I have mustered up the courage to try again. I wouldn't say I am scared of gardening but I feel bad for killing everything. But I am going to try.

I bought some plant kits with bulbs that sprout in water. So far about half have grown! This is huge for me. Others out of the same kit haven't sprouted and I can't tell why but hey... half if awesome.

Also I planted an avocado seed. The seed came from the most delicious avocado I have ever tasted. It was yummy and huge and I wanted my own delicious avocados so I stuck toothpicks in it and stuck it in water. To date it is about three feet tall!!!

This is the avacado that gave me the seed I planted.

At this point I feel like I'm on a roll so I bought a little gardening kit and watering can and a strawberry plant kit which I haven't actually planted yet because of one thing... I realized that despite my enthusiasm I still had no idea what I was doing so I went and got this huge book on gardening (thank you to the Borders clearance).

Now I feel like I am fully equipped to tackle my gardening demons. I can't say I'll actually be able to turn my black thumb green but I will try and I figure as long as the girls have fun and don't get to upset when their flowers never bloom then it will be worth it right?

Friday, March 11, 2011


Friends come and go... but the need for them is always there.. even if you don't know it.

I got an email recently that I had received several times before but the last time I got it it really stuck with me. (I've attached it to the bottom of this post in case you want to read it.) You probably have gotten it or read it somewhere too. It's the one that says "Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime".

It's caused me to think about friendships a lot lately. Not just the ones I am currently have but the ones I don't have any longer.

I've been thinking about the things in my life that  have happened and how they have led me away from certain relationships or led others away from me. And it made me appreciate the lost relationships more because whether for a reason or a season I had those relationships and I gained in some way from them all.

About a week ago I was at a party where I met up with a friend that I hadn't really talked to in three years. Oddly enough only 6 years ago I would have called this girl my best friend (if not one of my only friends and she had often said the same of me). Since then when I had seen her in passing in public places we'd hug and ask after each other and then go on with out day. But being seated at the same table for a couple hours forces you into conversation. The typical "how are the kids" spiel doesn't fill enough airtime so unless you come up with something better you get a lot of uncomfortable silence. Do you talk about the old days? Do you keep asking generic questions just to fill the silence? Maybe I should ask why we don't talk anymore?  But as I sat wondering what to say it seemed we were starting to slip back into a very familiar place. I could still remember some of the things she had done that had hurt me even if they weren't intentional but they didn't seem that important anymore. She'd make a joke, I'd add some witty and sarcastic comment and we'd both laugh and give silly high-fives. It wasn't like it used to be but it was chummy enough to really make me miss how we were. It's like the seasons had changed and maybe this relationship would bloom again.

Then a few days later I got a call on my phone that I missed. When I called back I got a voicemail and still haven't gotten a call back. The call had been from a friend that I had lost touch with. When I had started a new job she was the only person there that was just kind for no reason. She even got me addicted to scrapbooking. She and I became very close but when I got pregnant and preparing for a baby while she was preparing to send a child off to college we seemed to drift apart. Leaving work and staying home made it even harder to see each other. She visited a few times after I had Devan and I'd call but slowly she'd take longer and longer to respond and when she'd call until at some point we both just stopped. It's really sad to me to have lost touch with this woman. But I did have her friendship at a time when I really needed a friend and that was the reason we bonded. Even though I haven't spoken to her in what feels like ages I still consider her a friend.

And all the friends from your school years. That's a perfect example of having a friend for a reason. How could you get through high school without at least one true friend? I had a few friends in school that meant the world to me. I stopped talking to them because life changed and we all grew up and inevitably grew apart but as our lives began to all start going the same direction again with marriage and kids we ran into each other at the grocery store or movie theater or wherever. We'd always swap numbers and promise to call and since we all had kids now we'd say we would get them together for a playdate but I would never call... and they would never call. Sometimes it was because I lost their number for a week and by the time I found it I figure if they wanted to talk they would have called me. I wonder if they though the same because neither of us called. These were girls that slept over at my house, we swapped clothes shared secrets. These were the girls that I depended on to help me navigate the wilds of adolescence... why didn't I just call? Why didn't they?

It's sad to think of the friends that you leave behind or lose along the road of life. It's sadder when you miss an opportunity to reunite or keep in touch with them. But the greatest tragedy is when you fail to find new friends. For years after school I didn't really have any friends. I mean... I had friends but not friends. I guess what you would call those relationships were friendly acquaintances. Good for after work drinks or a ride in if you needed a lift but no real obligations or strings attached. Sad right? Odd thing is I loved it. I didn't want or need friends. I was an adult after all!

So why now do I rely so heavily on the friends I have made as a mother? I think it's because once you become a mom you once again revisit the loneliness and uncertainty and insecurity that prior to that you only knew while walking the halls of your school just one fish amongst a sea or prepubescent minnows with an occasional shark. You need a kindred spirit to confide in. You need the sage advice of another mom or even the sympathetic ear they can offer.

As of now I can't imagine my life without some of my friends. Ultimately they all add something to my life and without them I feel like something would really be lacking. But will these friendships endure? Who can say. I certainly hope they will but if during the course of life I lose touch with friends again for whatever reason I can always hope and look forward to the horizon where another friendship may be waiting.


People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON.
•It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
•They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
•to provide you with guidance and support,
•to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
•They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
•They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, t
his person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
•Sometimes they die.
•Sometimes they walk away.
•Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
•They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
•They may teach you something you have never done.
•They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it; it is real.
But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to:
•accept the lesson,
•love the person and
•put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

AMC Westshore won't be seeing me again!

Today we went to Westshore Mall for lunch at P F Changs and a movie at Westshore AMC.

P F Changs wasn't bad. I had the Moo Shoo Chicken and it was tasty but I've had better at fast food places. My kids and hubby all said the same about their meals but it was something different and since I've heard so many rave about it I'm glad we gave it a shot. I doubt we will go back because it was pretty much as good as other places but cost about 3 times as much but again... it was nice to try something new.

But as for the movie...I would like to warn any and everyone with a young child from going to Westshore AMC. I actually have a full list of reasons.

1. They charge $7 for a matinee ticket for any child over 2. This is an insane amount for a child so young if you ask me, especially for a matinee!

2. They do not have boosters so once you pay for the child they can't see the screen unless you hold them and even if you hold them their view is blocked.

3. The seats are also crappy for older kids. We had to move twice to find a spot where my 11 and 9 year old could see the screen since the seats (not even counting the people in them) blocked the lower portion of the screen.

4. The temperature in the theater was set at "Meat Locker". Basically we were freezing.

5. They are not very good about refunds after the first 15-30 minutes after the start time. With a start time of 3:30 and 15 minutes of previews that leaves only 15 minutes to leave the actual feature presentation.

6. The restrooms were disgusting. Many stalls were broken and there were no paper towels in any of the dispensers.

7. The concession is insanely slow.

So here's what happened. We got to the theater and purchased our tickets. I was appalled at D being charged but I let it go. We went into the theater and instantly I was cold in spite of my sweater. I realized this could be a problem for my family who were all dressed in "Florida Spring Attire" (shorts, short sleeved shirts, tank tops, sandals, etc.) Well, maybe they'd fix it. I'd ask. I had the kids sit in an upper middle row and James went to get snacks and I took D  for a diaper change.

Well in the restroom out of probably 8 or more stalls only 3 seemed to have doors that shut and locked and only one had a changing table. So we waited... and waited... and waited. Finally when the handicap opened up we rushed in and I changed D's diaper. I would have been worried about the other two still in their seats but figured since James was only 2nd or 3rd in line he would be on his way back  so I washed my hands and D's and hunted for paper towels but found none!!! There were several dispensers but all were empty. Maybe it's because the floor was littered with so much toilet tissue they assumed if we really needed to dry off we could use that. We all have to do our part to be green. YUCK! So drip dry it is.

We start to walk back with out damp hands and I ask an employee for a booster seat...  like the ones for kids at every other theater I have ever been to. The poor kid has to go ask a manager about them and returns to say "We don't have them... anymore." to which I reply with some confusion "Ok... why not?The kid shrugs and says "Not sure just don't". At this point I'm like Okay... What the hell did I pay for a ticket for if you can't even provide accommodations for a child? Well I'll just have to pray D stays in her seat. (I know this isn't gonna happen but I can hope.) But before I leave the kid to his adolescent fantasies about whatever it is 16 year olds fantasize about while taking tickets I add "Oh, by the way, it's almost unbearably cold in theater 14. Can you have that fixed?  I'd appreciate it" and he says "He'll see what he can do."

I don't see him move at all from his ticket taking post as I go back towards the theater. But as I pass the concession I see James still in line behind a lady who stood at an unmanned counter while the prepubescent theater employee worked very hard trying to figure out how to scoop popcorn into a bag. I walk up to let him know that I'm heading back in and he informs me that thisline has yet to move. Poor guy. Well don't forget the twizzlers!

When I get back to the kids (finally) I see a frustrated/disappointed look on their face. When I ask why they say that they can't see. Ok, I sit down to check it out and even I have some head blockage (this is when people noggins block your view) in the bottom of the screen so when I ducked down to Adrian's eye level I saw that his screen was about half blocked! Ok, we move to better seats... and then move again since the first move wasn't much of an improvement.

Finally in seats where everyone can see most of the screen we settle in and after a while James is back with snacks in hand. But at this point my joints are aching from the cold and the kids are not comfortable due to the temperature. I have come to the realization that it won't be fixed. I decide though that once the movie "Rango" starts we will be so enthralled by the animated masterpiece we will forget our discomfort.

Once again I am wrong. The movie wasn't very good if you ask me. If this flick can't keep my attention how could we expect it to keep D's. Throw in the cold and she couldn't sit still. After desperate attempts for 40 minutes I've had enough (and so did the other people in the theater I'm sure). I take our ticket stubs and leave the theater.

I go to the box office and explain that even after I asked for something to be done about the temperature in the theater we were just too cold to stay. I have a very disappointed and fussy toddler on my hip. The girl takes D and my ticket and reads them over and asks if I want to see another movie. I explain that I can't because the rest of the family is already in a theater toughing out the last one my husband bought tickets for. She says "Oh, your husband bought the tickets? Do you have the debit card he paid with?". I explain that he still has it in the theater... I also added he was towards the top of the theater hoping to play on some pity strings. No go.

Not many teens feel sympathy for a frazzled mom trying desperately to control a toddler who is crying about missing their movie and being cold. So I tote said toddler back into the theater, up the stairs and get the card from James. Once again she cries as we leave and is now begging to see Tangled! Yeah.. not happening. So back to the box office we go. But when I go to give her the card she says "The movie time was an hour ago. I can't refund you." Like this bleached little twit didn't know that before she sent me trekking back in?!?!? Ok, let's pretened that the peroxide has effected her brain and not flip out.

I must have had a look though because as she watched my face her mouth fell open and when I spoke it was a voice that almost didn't even sound like my own "Then that means I have tried for over an hour to put up and deal and I can't do it anymore." It wasn't a plea... and I hate to call it a threat but it was a fact. I could take D back in but with her screaming and crying they'd have a lot more people down here asking for a refund instead of just us two, who have up until now been pretty polite all things considered, do the math. Well, surprise of surprises, little ticket Nazi can add!!! She refunds my tickets.

I take D to the play area where not only did we both warm up but she had a blast. Plus once the movie was out we did a quick lap around the mall where I found this amazing giant ring with a green flower. It's just a big tacky piece of costume jewelery but it's awesome so the day was saved... but with no real thanks to AMC Westshore Theater.

(And let me say also that of all the AMC's I've been to this is the only one that I have ever really had an issue with. My pissing and moaning is about this one location that I probably will never return to and has no effect on the other locations. Live and learn.)