Thursday, September 29, 2011

Who taught me to be a mother?

I'll make this short because I have meatballs in the oven and don't want them to burn (and not that is not some "dirty sex code" though it sounds like it could be).

Basically my mom came over for the day today. I've had a bad couple days but am doing my best to make it through this week but this event poses a potential risk to my "can do attitude". This is only an event because she almost never does visit. She doesn't live far. Only about 45 minutes away and it's not that she's working right now. She just doesn't make it this way often for whatever reasons.

I look at my moms visits with cautious optimism. I always hope we'll spend hours laughing and giggling and sharing stories like those moms on TV but since we never did that when I was younger I shouldn't expect it now. Don't get me wrong... I love my mom. I love her a lot but I know exactly what a visit with her entails.

I am sure during the visit all of my shortcoming as a parent, wife and person in general will be addressed in a some way. All the things I do wrong will be pointed out, sometimes repeatedly and in different ways. I will be the victim of scrutiny and for what? Nothing really. I just can't bring myself to change or seek the approval of a person who even if I changed the very fiber of my being and became perfect just to please would find a flaw in my perfection.

Lucky for me I'm no where near perfect. And though  insults (however sly and sneakily injected) do hurt I ultimately care little for what anyone thinks of me. I know my moms flaws. I know every one of them and was subjected to them daily for years and though now I only get small doses of them I still see them on occasion, however I don't feel the need to point them out. Why should I?

I don't feel better by making anyone feel bad even if it's done on accident. And I'm sure somewhere deep down she looks at her comments and criticisms as "tough love" or as attempts to "help improve me".  I know that on some psychological level it's just a way for her to receive some sort of validation or to overcome some trauma of long ago.

But I do get a mild dose of amusement when my mom asks repeatedly, "Who taught you to be a mother?!?" and I get to reply "No one".

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Where did her vagina go?!?!?

D had her 3 year check up today. It was supposed to be a normal check up with a few shots and wham, bam, thank you mame, we are done! But nope. Turns out that D has no vagina. Color me surprised!

Ok, she does have a vagina but it's closed. Upon examining my toddler her Dr discovered she had what is called a "Labial Adhesion". She showed me and this is what it looks like:


No, this isn't my child's va-jay-jay. It seemed kinda wrong to post my kids little baby girl bits on my blog... so I borrowed the photo from a website that I used to learn a little more about the condition. (Creepy and weird to borrow a photo like this instead of using D's but at least in 10 years if my kid ever comes back and reads my blog she won't hate me for posting it.)

So after talking to our pediatrician and doing some googling or it we have our prescription for some estrogen cream that will get the labia to separate again. The biggest risk with a labial adhesion are infections and some other funky happenings down under so we are gonna smear on the cream and open that thing back up. Ironically if left untreated the labia often separates on its own during puberty which if you ask me is right around the time a parent may want their child's vagina to disappear. Funny how that works out.

In addition to all that D is backed up like fraternity house toilet the morning after a kegger. The doc was fairly concerned about her not pooping in a week, as was I, so now she has to have an enema, miralax slipped into her juice, prunes and lots of water to get the plumbing up and working. So I slipped her the enema already and thankfully my dad came over to help. I'll tell you for growing up wrestling and my dad being a wrestling coach she was still damn hard to pin down but we got her. Now we just wait for things to "get going". If not back to the doctors we will go. Oh, not to mention she got those shots which she took like a champ but her legs are still hurting her.

So that's been my day. We lost a vagina, did some butt flushing, waited for poop and dealt with a crabby toddler. So much fun. How was yours?

Monday, September 12, 2011

No wonder she's rarely sick!

I am doing my best to give B more responsibilities. Sometimes this means giving her a task (like loading the dishwasher) that she may not do very well in which case I will usually do it over or do it over with her. I figure if I don't have her do it I'd have to do it myself anyway and at least it's teaching her some responsibility and helps with her remembering steps, etc.

So one of B's responsibilities is making her own lunch the night before school. Let me digress for a moment, her school lunches are now $3.50 and with breakfast no longer being free and clocking in at $2.50 her school meals are at least $6.00 a day! Do the math, it adds up. So with me couponing and the deals you get especially on snacks she is taking her lunch.

Now back to the story, B is making her lunches. She can take a tupperware of left overs from last nights dinner, a sandwich, whatever. It's up to her. But since I haven't been cooking anything with leftovers I figured she was hamsandwiching it up.

Yesterday after she packed her lunch and went to sleep I decided to check up on the contents of her lunch. I hadn't looked at what she was packing and since groceries are getting low because I haven't found time to get to the store in over a week I wanted to be sure this kid wasn't packing a sandwich, string cheese and ten different types of candy. I look in her bag and... there's no sandwich.

I'm not sure if she forgot or what so I figured I'll be nice and just make one for her. I grab the bread and OH MY GOD! It's hairy!!! Like growing a fu mancho on the butt of the loaf. So gross!


And then I thought about it and realized I couldn't remember the last time I bought bread because every time I made my grocery list I saw the bread sitting there and didn't add it. God only knows how long it sat there and I can't be sure of when B decided to stop making a lunch sandwich but I would wager the bread has been growing this fungus for at least a week... AT LEAST!

Now not to sound mean but B isn't the most observant child so I she very well may have been eating this crap. Add to that the time I found out she was not washing out her sandwich container but just reusing it (and yes, I found mold or something yucky and greenish-gray in there too) it makes sense to think that she has been dosing herself with some type of penicillin or something because this kid almost never gets sick!

Unfortunately I am going to have to allow her to catch some kind of bacterial funk if need be because I have thrown out the hairy loaf of bread and will be paying a bit more attention to the food she is using in her lunches and self prepared meals... and of course the containers she puts them in. Sure, my medical bills may go up... but at least the gag factor in my house will go down.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

D's Birthday Party Extravaganza

It was a long weekend that flew by way to fast. This weekend my baby turned 3!!!
And we celebrated big time!


We took the crew to Disney because  really wanted to go and had never been so the "Big 3" seemed like the perfect ocassion. It was a great day and at the risk at sounding cliche... it was magical!


D got to meet her "hero" Rapunzal. She stood in line and then she got to color a picture of Rapunzal and Flynn which she gave to Rapunzal. Rapunzal told her she would hang the photo in her palace gallery. D was thrilled. And the best part was the lin for the Rapunzal "meet and greet" was by far the longest line of the day. By that I mean even though we waited for 40 minutes... every other line was under 20! We rode everything!





 And even though there was no parade that night we did see the fireworks. D had the best seat in the house... My Neck!!!


But the fun didn't stop there. Since this was the first year that D actually understood the whole "birthday concept" about parties, cake and presents we wanted to have at least a little party for her. We invited her closest buddies and the family to Chuck E Cheese for pizza, cake games and fun. It was fun and relaxed (well as much as Chuck E Cheese can be).


It;s funny because I jolingly said I wouldn't tell her she was turning 3 since I want to get into theme parks and movies for free for a few months more but this is a kid who has been saying she's "two and seven eigths" so I don't know how I though I'd get her real age by her.  This is the little chat we had today:

D: How old am I?
Me: How old do you think you are?
D: 3
Me: What makes you think that?
D: 3 is after 2. I had a birthday and I look older like sissy.
Me: So maybe you just look old?
D: You look old. I look 3.

So not only did I not get one past my toddler but she also managed to work in an insult for me. Nice.

But as far as the Birthday Extravaganza went it was awesome. My only concern now is her expectations for next year. We did Disney because it just seemed like the perfect age (and it was) and it was a special first tiem visit and we did The Cheese because we wanted her to have some kind of get together since she actually understands what a birthday is but I hope she doesn't expect a weekend celebration every year!





Thursday, September 1, 2011

I am so not ready for this...

Many of you know my daughter is special needs. I don't want to list everything but she's 12 and basically at a 2nd grade level but she has a 15 year old body. Scary right?

She is now going to a school for special kids and has developed a crush on a boy in one of her electives. This boy is a Senior and is turning 18!!! B  is just barely 12. I don't know if this boy likes her or not in the "crush" sense and I sincerely hope he doesn't because... well she's too young and I'm just not ready for that.

The boy is having an 18th birthday party and invited B. It's in a rented location and from like 7 to 10pm which is an hour past her bedtime which isn't that big of a big deal but it just illustrates that she doesn't even stay up that late at home normally let alone for a party. Now normally I would say "No" to this without a second thought but there are a few things to consider.

1. He may honestly just like her as a friend so there is nothing "attraction wise" happening. This could be totally platonic and innocent and I honestly think that it is.

2. She has never been invited to a party like this. Honestly until she started school a few weeks ago she was always left out and she finally feels like she belongs. I'm not one to care about what others will think if she does or doesn't go but she is and it's gotta be nice to just go and have fun for once right?

3. This boy is special needs also. I don't know what is condition is but he may not be a typical 18 year old. He may be more like a 13 year old which would explain why as a 12th grader her would invite a 6th grader to his party.


4. He may be a totally typical 18 year old and if that's the case why would he invite B  to a party? She's silly and funny but kinda goofy and awkward. And if he just wants to have her come and hang out will his other friends? What if the other kids are normal and it puts her in a possibly hurtful situation?

Of course I will have to call and talk to a parent, see if I can attend the party with her and ask about the chaperon situation. But so far B's on cloud 9. She not only was invited to a party, but she was invited to a party for a boy she has a crush on. I know she will be devastated if I don't let her go but that will depend on what feedback I get from his parents when I talk to them.

I will say even though I am stressing out over this a little I am thrilled. This whole boy and party deal aside, B has friends. She is excited every day when she gets up and is all smiles every afternoon. She loves school. She is doing better both mentally and emotionally then I have ever before. I feel like this weight has been lifted... but in it's place is the prospect of situations like the party and future social scenarios that I have to figure out how to deal with. But all in all, it's a pretty good trade.