Friday, July 30, 2010
I took the kids to the mall for a playdate. Walked around with one of my friends, had lunch. Then took D and A to my grandmothers while I went with B to the Neurologist. Got some good news there. Her MRI and EEG and blood work all came back negative! So we will be treating her symptoms. So to improve her focus we she will be taking meds for ADHD. I am excited to see if they help.
Then we came home. I am hanging out on www.tampabay.momslikeme.com when my phone rings. I answer and I hear my moms voice in the background. At first I thought she dropped her cell but then I realized she was in the middle of a conversation and I had been butt dialed.
I was hanging up when I heard her say "Did Steff talk to you about B?" so I know it was my grandmother on the other end.
I will spare you the details but the short and skinny of it is she and my grandmother think nothing is wrong with B really and if there is something wrong she will grow out of it. Apparently I am dragging her through all these doctor visits and tests because I am in her own words "embarrassed by B".
Ok. So I enjoy my daughter falling further and further behind in school. I like her being mocked by her classmates for being different. It's fun trying to calm her down when she goes into one of her episodes. Oh and the fact that I get to throw money into the medical industry left and right... well that's a bonus!!!
Are you flippin kidding me. I am so angry I can't even cry. I don't want sympathy because I love B and I am in no way embarrassed by her. I am worried for her but thankful daily that I have her. How dare she imply otherwise!
So I sent her a text after I listened in. And yes I listened in I probably shouldn't have but i am petty and I wanted to hear what they were saying about me and B. The text was simple. It said: Next time you want to talk about me to anyone, even your mom, be sure your cell hasn't accidentally called me. FYI, I am not embarrassed by B, just you.
She hasn't responded at all. I am too old and worn out to fight with my own mother but when it comes to my kids or implications of me not caring or being ashamed of them... well I may not fight but I won't let it slide either. Funny because she said even worse things specifically about me but I do not now nor have I ever cared what people think of me... unless it comes to my parenting. It is the one thing I feel I am truly good at (not perfect but I do my best) and I will not have it mocked, slighted or put down.
Well if you read this much and you are interested in the outcome check back. If anything develops from this I will let you know. As for now I will sit and grumble and hopefully let my anger dissipate since I have vented.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I am not ashamed of her but once people find out she is different they treat her that way. This isn't always a bad thing but it's almost amusing how when someone hears she is special needs they talk louder and more slowly to her. Sometimes I just look at them and say "I didn't say she was deaf."
B looks like a normal preteen and often acts normal. But when you are around her for a while or even at just the right moment you can tell she is not your average 11 year old. She behaves more like a 6-7 year old which makes dealing with her and her 9 year old brother hard. You just can't treat them the same because that's not fair to her but if you treat them different it's not fair to him. It's very hard on me at times. When B does something wrong it is often hard to determine if what she is did was a result of her condition or her just being a normal kid.
I have a hard time dealing with her. It's a lot to deal with and there ad daily challenges that pop up that most parents never have to think of. James and I are honestly learning how to cope with her day by day. We often make mistakes. I will forget she can only follow 1-2 steps worth of directions and when she doesn't do what she is asked I start to lecture and when she starts stuttering and looking off into space I get so frustrated. Sometimes it's like I totally forget who I am dealing with and start yelling and when I realize what I am doing and who I am yelling at I have to stop and give my self a "Time Out". I usually come back and apologize for yelling and explain why I am frustrated. It doesn't magically make her understand that I wanted her to empty the plate into the trash then rinse it off and put it in the sink instead of dumping food in the sink, rinsing off the plate and putting it in the trash. It does let her know I make mistakes and i am trying too. I just have to keep my expectations and reactions in line with her abilities. That's not to say I have low standards of her. It means that I keep high standards along with a positive attitude even if they aren't met.
She still has to deal with the same things other kids deal with and it's not easy but we do. Like yesterday she got braces. She was such a champ and was so excited to show them off. Or when we had to deal with puberty. People take things like that with "normal" kids for granted. It's not easy for a kid like B but with her positive attitude she gets through it.
But in spite of her differences she usually has a very pleasant outlook on everything. She loves to sing and dance. It's amazing to me because she can't carry a tune and has no rhythm at all. Often she starts "shakin' it" even when there is no music. She literally dances to the beat of a different drum. It's the one playing in her head. Sometimes when I watch her dance I can't help but laugh. She let's the moment consume her and doesn't care what others think. She just moves. Normal people don't do that. Normal people are boring.
She also thinks of others constantly. She draws pictures full of whimsical colors with little love notes for all her friends and mine. Normal people don't think of sending each other drawings or notes just because they care.
She picks flowers that are actually weeds for her family and in her eyes those weeds are beautiful. Normal people won't look twice at a weed and can't see the beauty in things the way she can.
She likes people without reason. Everyone is her friend, even people who aren't and she forgives everything. Normal people aren't as easy to get along with.
So when I see her struggle or I find myself struggling I thank God for giving her to me. She isn't normal. She is special needs. She is special. She is my special girl.
B before and after getting her braces.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh....
'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen.
Length and width, it couldn't have been any bigger than
a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse
started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet
and regain her composure. 'I am so sorry,' she said.
'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse
and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell
me, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Fred replied.
She ran out of the room.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Being a mom can be socially isolating. Sure you may have a significant other, kids, pets, whatever but without someone with whom you can relate (share stories of diaper rash and vomiting and all he other highlights of motherhood) it can seem like you are very alone. Enter the "mommy dating scene".
The playground is the mommy equivalent to a singles bar. Here is the scenario.
From across the park you see a mom. She looks normal. Her kids are about the same age as yours. You watch from afar for a little bit trying to pick up on some signal that maybe she would be interested in a playdate. Finally you go up to her with the pick up line "Nice diaper bag," or "Want to use my hand sanitizer," or even "Wow, your kid is so adorable".
You wait to see if she wants to continue the conversation. She does! Now you are in business. You sit and watch the kids play as you swap stories about your little one's firsts. After a while one of you says "Hey we should get the kids together some time". Fantastic. You swap digits. She calls the very next day!
Then comes the first playdate. You get there early but she is late. You wonder if she has had second thoughts. You wonder if maybe she forgot. You wonder if the kids just have her running behind. Finally she shows just as you were starting to feel stood up.
The kids play. Yours are having fun and hers aren't acting like brats (which can be a big time deal breaker). She shares goldfish crackers and you supply juice boxes. Everything seems to be going great. You say "We should do this again sometime," and she agrees saying she'll call you.
But she doesn't. Was it something you said? Something you did? You wait a few days as you try to figure out what went wrong before calling. Finally you call her 3 days later (you don't want to seem desperate by calling too soon) and you get voice mail. You leave a message saying "Hi, this is _______. We hung out at the park a few days ago. I just wanted to see how things are going. maybe get together again sometime. Give me a call ________".
Ok, you made the first move. Ball is in her court.... but no call back. Should you call again? Maybe a text? You don't want to seem like a stalker. You can't risk being clingy. You may have already had experiences with the over eager mommy friends who don't give you space to breath. You don't want to be that mom.
You do nothing hoping she will see the light and realize how awesome you are and call you. She doesn't.
When you take your kids back to that park you can't help but look for her. She doesn't show up. Is she avoiding you? Just as you decide to give up on finding a mommy friend a woman sits down next to you and says "Awe, what cute kids."
And your back in the game. It's not a rebound friend... it's another chance and you hope this one goes better.
And when the playground/bar scene doesn't work you can take your hunt online to any number of parenting sites. My favorite is Moms Like Me where I have made several friends myself.
It's tough finding a girlfriend nowadays. You have to b willing to be shot down a few times but keep putting yourself out there. There are a lot of moms in the sea... and if you catch the right one or two or even more your life will be better for it. I promise.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
One year ago today my sister Melissa died. She and her boyfriend, both of whom were in the Navy, were cruising along a highway in California on his motorcycle. Basically he swerved to get around someone in front of him with oncoming traffic in the other lane. Before he was able to get back into his own lane the back of the bike was clipped by a RV and Melissa was thrown from the bike and the RV ran over her. She was literally crushed and limbs were ripped off. Her boyfriend was fine.
Obviously the family was devastated. Some directed all the anger at the boyfriend. I didn't because even though I morn her death she was a grown woman and I am sure she knew what kind of driver he was and she made the choice to get on the bike. Plus I know she loved him and wouldn't want him blamed but his life is over anyway. He went AWOL, was criminally charged, etc.
I am filled with such sadness for our loss. I have so many regrets. I wish I had been better to her. I wasn't bad to her but she just took so long getting her life together that I didn't make an effort to be close to her figuring that there would be time once she matured. Well she did mature but then she was gone.
I remember when she called on Thanksgiving how I made the excuse that Mom really wanted to talk to her just so I could get off the phone and not have to listed no anymore of her stories of eating weird food in Iraq. I would give anything to hear her talk about Turkey Bacon again. I'd give anything just to hear her voice again.
She will never know how proud I was of her, how amazingly brave I thought she was for serving our country. She will never see her newest niece and D will never know her other then in story.
I don't have much else to say except be careful on the roads. Drive safe. Be cautious because even if you are being safe others around you may not be. Don't speed, down rush to get through a yellow light, don't tailgate, don't swerve in and out of traffic. There is no place you need to get too that is worth your life.
And also, don't wait until tomorrow to do what you could do today. Don't assume there will be a tomorrow to let someone know how you feel. Regret can eat you up so do what you can to make it to each day without any following you from the last.
Melissa, you will be missed always and forever.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I am no saint. I admit this but these two kids rolling a blunt and sparking up at a park in where kids were playing was astounding to me.
I thought about calling the cops but with the amount of time it would take them to get there and the problem calling would create if they noticed what I was doing I decided against it.
Once they moved away from the gate we left and returned to gymnastics where we were greeted by another kid who matched the first two kids to a tee was using every foul word he could while on his cell. All this in front of more kids and parents and none of us saying anything.
I only let the potty mouth kid slide because I was so amazed at every ones silence! (And I have a foul mouth too but I at least try to watch it around kids.)
I wish I had said something but the other sad thing is that now a-days, simply saying "Please watch your language" to some punk could get you truly cussed out... or worse. Sad.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
It's sadly funny that my friends actually come to me with matters of interior decorating but when if comes to my own abode I can't seem to get anything accomplished.
I tend to get overwhelmed when trying to decorate and then just go with anything but it never ends well. Plus my decor scheme is eclectic at best. With candelabras, and vases and random junk including some medieval style knickknack (from my husband, yes I know what you are thinking, and yes he is that dorky) and whatever someone has given me. Yeah, tasteful right? Plus 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house makes my living room more like a playroom then anything else. And the worst part is nothing on the house has been updated... ever. So we have the original 1980's tile (a vomit inducing mixture of off white, cream, peach and gray) and all the counter tops in the kitchen are bisque with appliances to match. Bisque in the age of stainless steel is a barely a step up from green.
(The tile is way worse in person, I swear.)
Part of the issue is we are wanting to move so I don't want to invest a lot of money into cosmetic crap for a house we are leaving. But there is so much that needs done that if we don't make it nicer to look at soon I am going to loose it.
So I am trying to set up a gameplan for the house. I think a big part is we need to paing the walls. They are a light mauve/plum mixture on one side and a flesh tone peach (our attempt at matching the tile) on the other. Then some areas lik the hallways are chipped white.
So here is the thing, with this tile when we got out carpet installed we when with a light stone color to match the tile. When I paint should I just try to tie int he tile or finally give up and go with colors I like?
We need new couches too, again something I didn't want to purchase because we buy a couch now and move soon what if it doesn't work at the new place? But these couches, aside from being ugly, do match but are breaking down. When I can't find the baby I am always mildly scared that she fell into the gapping hole inbetween the coushions. Plus some springs stick up so you sit at your own risk.
Out coffee table is about done too but it matches the entertainment set and everything else so if we loose that we may have to replace the other pieces too.
Where the heck do I start?
I think I will go and scope out some couches. Get an idea of what I am wanting as far as a sofa goes and then get some color swatches for the walls. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Now to find time to do that...
Stay tuned for updates on how it's going.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Sorry I filmed it sideways. You may have to listen more then once to hear it but the brat is singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and screaming and crying while doing it. She is something.