Me and my good ideas.

I was stressed out today and needed to chill. The weather was nice outside so... I thought it'd be a good idea to go on a bike ride with D.

Somehow an adult size bike was very hard to find. After searching the garage I found my bike was lost under tons if stuff that has been stored in the garage like Halloween decorations, plates, books, toddler mattress and pretty much anything  you can imagine. (Seriously.) I had to dig it out of the garage from under piles of junk that was sort of organized for my coming yard sale. This about killed me. There was barely enough room to maneuver and move things and I got myself and my bike all banged and scratched up trying to free it from all this crap.

Once I got the damn thing out I discovered the tires were flat. Figures. I probably should have let the idea go but after the battle to get the bike out I felt invested in the project so giving up wasn't going to happen. The pump was easy to spot... not so easy so reach. I used the mattress and some other boxes to make a platform to climb and cross so I could reach the pump. I heard something crack in the process. Still not sure what it was and I have no desire to find out.

After a final step and my leg punching through a plastic bin shattering the plastic and again scratching myself up I had the pump in hand! The return trip from my horribly constructed bridge apparatus was just as bad and a pile of books cascaded across the floor. I left them there.

So once I had the pump I started to pump the tires. I haven't don this since I was a kid. I put the hose thingy on the tire nozzle thingy and pushed the pump as hard and fast as I could and the freaking hose popped off and smacked my shin just hard enough to sting. I had to call B in to hold the plug on so I could pump.

I pumped them both up as much as I could and hopped on the bike. I guess I hadn't done a very good job because they were only slightly less flat then before. So we had to do it again.

I finally got them pumped and we hit the road like an hour after I decided to go for a ride. Half way through, literally just far enough from the house to make getting back a real pain in the ass...  D takes a digger and in a rush to get to her I jump off my bike. It crashes to the floor.

She's scratched up but ok. My bike wasn't. The tire popped out of the rim and is flat again. So at this point I have a crying toddler and her bike, my bike with a flat tire and zero patience left. Let's just say it was a very long trip home. We got back to the house but after the attempt to chill I was more worked up then ever!  Me and my good ideas.

New Car!!!

I got a new car over the weekend.
Compared to my old 2002 SUV this thing feels like a space ship. It's all shiny and high tech. I have to quote one of my favorite mermaids:
"I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more..."

Ok, so I don't really want more. I'm actually a bit overwhelmed by it as is.

I push a button and it starts up and the air kicks on while I'm still in the house. If I get in the car while already on the phone it automatically clicks over to bluetooth. It's got all sorts of buttons and I only know what about half of them do. But it is a HUGE step above my old car. It's brand new with all the bells and whistles you could want... and of course it comes with a car payment.

For all of you who gasp and think "Why did she finance it?" I'll tell you. Contrary to what you may think based on my wildly popular blog, my large social networking site and my designer impostor cologne and Coach Outlet store bags... I had to if I wanted a new car.

But here is the other side of the coin.... I didn't really want a new car. I had just paid my old car off last July. I initially wanted to take the car payment and shove it into savings where it could attempt to fatten itself up with the meager interest that accrues on the account. But that damn car payment disappeared!!! I can't tell you where it went. Since July of last year I expected to stuff almost $400 into the account each month. Now I haven't started making an extra $400 in purchases... in fact I have been spending less so I can't even guess where the money is going. One second it was here and the next it's gone.

But I digress. So I wanted to drive my older but still in decent condition 2002 until it literally died on me and save my money and for the next car buy a small, reliable, economical vehicle outright. Then with continuing to save I will "in theory" never have to finance another car again. But Hubby really wanted a new car so when he wanted to go "look" I knew we'd be coming home with a new vehicle. And we did. At least it's technically designated as my car.

Don't get me wrong... it's more then nice. It's a great SUV but now I am back with a car payment and I hate that. I was so excited to be rid of it. It goes to show that even the best laid planes can fail. So while I morn the loss of my very first lien free car title and deal with another car payment at least I get to travel in a damn nice ride... even if it will take until this cars paid off to figure out all the gadgets.

(Oh and as a pretty neat side note... when I bought my car I was entered into a drawing for a Kindle Fire and I WON!!! I have been wanting to get one for my toddler so she'd leave mine alone so I'm super excited. I would have preferred buying a Kindle and winning a car... but it's still pretty cool!)

My baby almost died.

I posted this on my social site last month (here). I wrote it Mach 11th. I didn't post it here because I didn't want to make a big deal at the time and honestly I was so shook up by it that I didn't want to discuss it at all. But I ended up posting on the other site mostly as a warning to other parents. I wanted to post it here at some point but forgot so I'm doing it now. So here is the post I made.

Last Thursday was like any other day. We woke up, had breakfast, did a few workbook pages in Ds book. Then my mom stopped by to visit. She decided to watch D for me while I jumped in the shower. We let D get in the jacuzzi which is honestly about as warm as her bath (since we use it mostly for the kids). By the time I got out of the shower she was getting out. She was laughing and playing with my mom. I got dressed then we went and dressed D.
After she was dressed i told her I'd make lunch and D went skipping out of her room. About 5 seconds later she yelled and said she hurt herself. I came out and saw she had fell and scratched her knee. Nothing major but there was a little blood. So i picked her up, she wasn't even crying... just complaining and asking for the "Hello Kitty" band-aids. So I set her on the counter and had my mom hold her while I got the peroxide, neosporine and band-aids. I began cleaning her scratch and she fell over on the counter.
I thought she was throwing a fit so I said something about being nice or not pitching fits, but when we sat her up she was stuttering and making a weird noise. I then thought she was hyperventilating which has happened a few times in the past but it was when she started convulsing that I knew it was serious. I screamed for my mom to call 911. While my mom was on the phone D shook violently and I was scared. My mom shoved the phone at me and said they need your address. I began to give it to the operator and then I saw D losing color.
Her lips where blue. I yelled at the operator (or my mom, or honestly maybe to myself) "She's not breathing!!!" and I dropped the phone and snatched her away from my mom. I laid her on her back on the counter and checked for breathing and a pulse. There was nothing that I could find. I began CPR. Please do not think I was calm and clear headed. I was bordering on hysterical but thankfully put Ds needs ahead of my panic.
Her body was so still and her little lips were so blue and lifeless I thought "Dear God, she's already gone". As I breathed into her tiny little mouth once, and then again I begged God to help me. I think maybe he did because she started breathing again but she didn't want to stay awake. I kept talking to her, trying to get her conscious and aware. I kept praying "God, give her back, don't you take her away from me!"
I laid her on the ground by the window so the light would hopefully help her stay awake.
Most everything else was a blur. She slowly came too as the paramedics surrounded her. She remained out of it the whole ride to the hospital. The paramedic said me doing CPR may have saved her life. (I think that and my hysterical prayers.)
A CAT Scan came back normal. We don't know why she had a seizure. We don't know if much. She has to go in for more testing but I do know my baby is alive and that is all that matters.
I thought I lost her. I have never been more scared in my life. I swear I saw her life slipping away from me as I held her and thought I can't live without this girl. She was so small in my hands. She was so helpless and I felt even more so. And by the grace of God she came back to me. I am terrified now. Since we don't know what triggered or caused the episode we don't know what can be done to prevent another. The Dr said none of the things that occurred that day should have caused it. It's crazy that a healthy child on a perfectly normal happy day could almost die and for no reason.
Since Thursday she is now sleeping in my bed and can't go more then 5 feet away without me panicking. I am terrified that if I close my eyes for a second it will happen again and I won't be able to save her. I am scared that even if I am there and it happens again I won't be able to save her. I keep seeing her face blue and vacant and her sweet face expressionless and her body limp and lifeless. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop talking about it. It's on my mind and weighing heavily on my heart.
I know I will get better as time passes. I hope that the tests we have coming up will come back normal. The DR said some kids have a seizure for no discernable reason and never have another. I pray that this is the case with Dn.
But I also pray that none of you ever have to deal with anything so scary... but please learn CPR and the Heimlich maneuver just in case.
I have had to do the Heimlich on 2 of my 3 kids and have had to do CPR once. I hope I won't have to use them ever again but if I do I feel as prepared as I guess you can for that situation.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN EMERGENCY LIFE SAVING TECHNIQUES. I plan to set up a CPR & Heimlich class for TBMG. I have done it on other sites I was a part of but it has never been more near or dear to my heart as now.

I don't like Facebook.

I don't like facebook. I don't get Facebook. I mean I get it. It's a social networking site, yadda, yadda, yadda. I just don't get how wrapped up in it people get. And it usually annoys me.

I have an account. I use it daily. I just don't like it. I feel almost peer pressured into using it.

I don't want to be the only one of my friends who doesn't get invited to things because all events are set up on facebook and I can't count on anyone actually sending an invitation or calling me.

I don't want to have even my grandmother ask if I saw the cute photos of my kids and not be able to see what every other member of my family can see and share.

I don't want my business to be left in the dust while every other business has moved onto social media and is thriving there.

So I am on facebook. It's not all bad. Sharing and storing photos is fun. And seeing little statuses and jokes can be ok. But there are a few huge issues that I have with facebook. And here are the top 10.

My Top 10 Issues with Facebook

1. Virtual Friends. People ask to be friends with people they would never approach in any other venue. In fact some of the most shy and antisocial people I know have over 400 friends. But in real life they don't even need 2 hands to count their real friends. You know nothing about some of these people. They could be criminals, freaks or just nasty people who will take what you post and cause problems... and yet we keep adding to our friends list as though having hundreds of anonymous friends you couldn't pick out of a line up is something to strive for. Why not go out and make some real friends or use facebook to plan outings with the friends you have?

2.Virtual Lives. They are not a farmer. They aren't a chef. They don't own a salon or pet store. They aren't even a knight in Camelot. Would they really want to be? They have a life. Is it that bad that they have to spend half of it online creating a new one and asking people to be their neighbor so they can send them stuff?

3. TMI. I'm not just talking about the people who share way too much about their kids latest bowel movement though they are definitely included in this. I'm also talking about the people that check in everywhere from their work, to their home and even in the bathroom. You share all your personal info. You tell people where you are at any given day at any given time. You post everything. FYI... I would never brag about my brand new TV, PC, etc and then post that I am leaving town. Not everyone who sees your posts are  your friends and of those that are, not all can be trusted. (See #1) Somethings shouldn't be publicly shared.

4. Bitchers. They bitch about the people at the grocery store, they bitch about their family, they bitch about people that bitch. Um... hello?!?!? You can also include the "drama haters" in this category too. These people are almost as bad as the

5. Life is Rosiers. Their house is being remodeled. Their husbands a great cook. Their kid has straight As. Their friends are great. Their feet don't stink. Isn't their life so rosy. No ones life's that perfect. Sure these status updates aren't bad in doses mixed with a few "my life sucks today posts" but when all you see is how great everything is... well let's say no one is fooled. Their house is being worked on because it's falling apart. Their husband cooks because he feels guilty he's cheating on them. It's easy to get straight As when their kid is up all night on cocaine studying. Their friends talk about them behind their back and their feet do stink. Are they trying to fool us or just themselves?

6. House Cleaners. Look, they added 354 friends. No one made them do it and there is a good chance that they requested most of them. Are they really so popular that they have to "clean their friends list"? And if they do clean house (which they probably should do see #1) don't make the main qualification for staying a friend be "liking" the house cleaning post.  Seriously... if having them like a post is the determining factor of if they should be on your friends list... they probably shouldn't be on your friends list. They just want feel like people care... admit it.

7. Attention Seekers. Maybe they weren't hugged much as a child. Maybe they are lonely in general. But every post they make is created with the sole purpose of getting people to pay attention to them. These people can be # 3, 4, 5, 6 or any combination. Sure the whole point of social networking is to connect and share but these people are self centered. They actually get upset if they get less then 10 likes and 10 comments on a status. They only really comment on other peoples posts if they can talk about themselves and hijack the post. And they are so self absorbed that they apologize when they don't post for a while... like everyone was waiting with bated breath for their return.

8. Self Portraits. Does anyone honestly think they look sexy with their boobs out, lips puckered facing a mirror with their camera showing?!?!? I guess they do because their albums are filled with shots they have taken of themselves in every outfit they own (and some with lots of skin), or looking tough flexing, in every angle you can manage in a mirror and by the way... can they at least get their dirty clothes off the floor if they are going to publicly post the photo? You should be cleaning your room instead of taking shots or yourself. Or at least have a friend do it so they can tell you how stupid you look.

9. Unfriending someone is the worst thing you can do to a person. Talk about me, my momma, my kids... BUT DON'T UNFRIEND OR BLOCK ME!!!! Long ago before facebook you could dislike someone. Tell them you aren't their friend. Talk bad about them and spread rumors with the final blow being a full confrontation. Now it's all backwards thanks to facebook. Someone makes a post. You take it personal. You make a post.  You virtually confront each other (usually with indirect, vague, passive aggressive statements). You talk trash to people, you spread rumors and then when you are really angry and want to really hurt them... YOU UNFRIENDunfriended because let's be honest...  you probably barely know them outside of the Internet (see #1). It's the lowest of low attacks because it's a first and last strike. It leaves the other person without a course for retaliation. It's not that they unfriended you... it's that they did it first. (Be honest, you know it's true.) Rather then looking at it like a favor you go back to passive aggressive statements but in 3 months to a year when you are unblocked and you get a friend request... you accept. Rinse and Repeat.

10. Tagging. I do not want to be tagged. Hell! I didn't even want photographed! I didn't realize I was standing in the background during a photo at your kids birthday party and the only thing you can see of me was is flat butt or giant belly. Do you really need to tag me? Especially when  you can't even see my face? Seriously. It's just mean.  My new policy is when someone tags me in a crappy photo I post a photo of a Plumbers Crack and tag them. See how they like it.

The absolute worst part of all this... I HAVE DONE EACH ONE AT LEAST ONCE. (And some I have done a lot more!)  And don't even get me started on poking! When did it become ok to poke people?!?!? Keep your virtual hands to yourself!!!

The Drama Stops Here

Why the hell do people have to create drama?

People seriously bitch about drama and how they won't put up with it and it's SO DRAMATIC!

Do they even understand that is basically what drama is? Probably not.

A friend made a post on my website about gossip and drama. You can check it out here. It was just so ironic because of all the drama going on and some of the posts and comments on the discussion are really snarky to people. It's like they are trying to pick a fight! Hello?!?! It's not really helping if it creates more problems.

I just don't get the whole drama thing. It seriously pisses me off. Why the hell do people enjoy getting worked up and bitching? I avoid it at all costs and when I am involved (as either the cause or bystander) it consumes my whole day! I spend my time bitching, being angry, talking shit and yelling at people. It's not fun! So here I sit pissed of blogging over other peoples drama that is making me get all edgy!!!
So why do so many people get off on this? Is their life so boring that they have to stir up trouble? Do they have nothing better to do then make ambiguous comments on Facebook just so people will give them attention when asking "whats wrong". I myself have had people come to me to decipher cryptic facebook posts and tweets. My answer is generally "GO TO THE SOURCE!".  I don't want involved. but then being the hypocrite I am I go ask the person if they are ok. Next thing you know I feel "involved".
Why people ask the one person they know hates being involved in this shit about whats going on is beyond me. And I know when a friend makes a post or people bring a post up to me and I ask if they are ok I'm probably not making it better. I actually am trying to help but it never works out that way.

Then the next snarky vague comments that are made I think are about me since now I'm paranoid. Everyone says say it to a persons face but know one does. Hell right now I'm saying it to my blog!!! Hypocritical much?!?1

So I hate the drama bullshit and am just going to limit it as much as I can. So people that make their "I hate gossipy people" comments trying to get everyone on edge or post shit like "If you don't like my post I'm unfriending you on facebook" so they feel like people pay attention to them blow it out your butts. If you need attention that bad just call me up and I will be happy to tell you first hand what I think of you.
The best way to strop this drama bull is to STOP IT. Don't discuss it, don't complain about it, don't stay involved in it. Just stop it! So since I can't control other people I just have to deal.
You can't change people... you can only change how you react to them. So the drama stops here.

Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater!

This past weekend I was at an event on child safety at a "cleaning supply store". The owners of the venue that hosted kindly donated a bike to be given away to one lucky kid that was in attendance. Now let's ignore the fact that the owner brought his family and they took up half the audience making the chance that one of their names be drawn for the bike pretty high.
Let's focus on the fact that the owner wanted to draw the winner himself and he walked up with a slip of paper already in his hand. Let's focus on the fact that he wiggled his hand in the shallow dish not actually pulling a slip of paper but just removing his hand with a piece of paper already there. Now let's all pretend to be surprised and happy for the winner... NONE OTHER THEN HIS OWN KID.

Is this not just totally fucked up or what? There is a pretty high chance the kid didn't know at the time her dad rigged the drawing. But seriously?!?! And then to give me their card and tell me to think of them anytime I needed to purchase cleaning supplies and offer to host a seminar for my website on cleaning. Hmmm.... yes, I would love to give you my business and the business of those I know because you have already proved yourself to be so fair and ethical.

Sure, allowing a group to come in and hold a child safety workshop in your facility is great but being a cheater... not so much. I figure either he will just return the bike for the money he spent (which he volunteered to donate) or just wanted his kid to win.

And really... you own a very large and successful business. You couldn't just cover the cost of the $50 (at most) bike from Walmart? Or buy your kid a bike of her own?

It's not like I needed a bike for my kids. But some of the kids there only agreed to go because of the bike drawing. Kind of shitty if you ask me.

What to do?

Blogging is like anything in the sense that it can easily become overwhelming.

It's been so long since I have posted on my personal blog I feel ashamed to post now. And its not that I haven't had things to post. I have had tons! But because I haven't been updating regularly I feel like to post I will have to give back stories and explain things that had I just posted originally I wouldn't have to backtrack for. And now so much has happened since the last post it's like WHERE DO I BEGIN?!?!?!

I have said before my blog is my stress relief. It's my way of venting but because many people know I write my blog I can't always say what I want. I have thought about leaving it and making an anonymous blog so I could be a bit more honest without worry of any sort of backlash but I feel so invested in this one (which is weird because let's be honest, it's not like my thousands of readers will miss me). And I also don't personally mind people knowing things about me... but should that extend to others?

The idea of just going for it and being honest on here occurs to me often but that gets complicated. Sometimes I want to bitch about people. I don't talk shit about people, I don't spread rumors and I try (though not always successfully) to not talk about people behind their backs. So shouldn't I be able to jump on here, give fake names and false details to vent? But what if the one person I am venting about reads or hears and gets upset. Most people don't get that you can be upset or unhappy with someone and say something about it and still care... and if they do get that it gets away from them when they are the person being bitched about. (I know, I myself take that sort of shit pretty hard.)

So I have this double edged sword going on. A damned if I do, Damned if I don't scenario if you will.

So maybe I'll ease into things. Just drop a little bit of bitchy truth here and there and wait to see if it comes back to bite me in the ass.