Too Exposed?

Argh! So this blog is my personal blog. It has everything in it from projects with my kids to how pissed off some people make me. It's whatever happens to be on my mind at any given time.

I don't keep it a secret though I wish I did because I have had friends and family read my posts and call going "What the hell?!?!". But you know what? It's my blog! It's my shit, it's all about me and what I want to post so if you don't like it stop reading!

But even though this is for me... I have finally admitted I may be a bit too "exposed".

I have photos of my kids, their real names, real stories (sometimes embarrassing) about them and real posts about me and I am always honest so it doesn't always put me in the most positive light.

I make mistakes, I cuss, I am flawed. But I am me. Yet just because I have an over abundance of candor doesn't mean I should force my kids, family and friends to be exposed right along with me.

So I'm reigning it in. I will still be me, open, honest and imperfect... but I will try to be more considerate when bitching about someone or sharing a story that may not be mine to share or sharing a story that is mine but may show someone else in a less than flattering light. I will try my damnedest to keep my integrity and not sacrifice the actual story. But shit, it may be hard. Obviously I don't plan to watch my mouth too much. (Ironically if anyone ever heard me talk in person they would realize just how toned down my language is on this blog.)

So I have gone back and made a few changes to older posts.

I don't mind being exposed... but I will try not to expose others. (Unless they really deserve it.)

Let's learn about Hands!

I don't post every little thing I do with the kids... but when I have one of my "I'm a super mom moments" like I did this week I want to share it. So when I mentioned my project this week to a friend of mine she really wanted me to post it. And of course I have lots of photos to go along with it!

 

In D's Pre-PreK homeschooling we work on basics like letters, numbers, parts of speech, and each week we have 2 "special subjects".  So our first Special Subject this week was "Hands & Fingers".

 

We sang "Where is Thumbkin" and talked about what we use our hands and fingers for. Some of her answers were to grab, hold, scratch, dig and point. Then we added some less obvious uses like to feel. Feel if something is soft, sharp, hot. They can warn us when something is dangerous. They let us show affection with high fives, hugs and let us communicate with sign language and we learned a few basic signs (which she once knew from baby signs and didn't remember at all!).

 

So for Science Project we used vanilla pudding with food coloring.

The purpose was:

1. To investigate how we used our hands to find gummies and candies hiding in the pudding and to see if we could identify which was which by touch alone.

2. See how mixing our basic colors we could find new colors like chartreuse, magenta, etc.

3.  And get creative painting (and of course eating) our pudding paint.

 

 

To keep things neat I used a cookie sheet. Just take a 4 pack of Snack Pack pudding and scoop it onto the tray and have you or your little one drop a squirt of food coloring onto each pile.  We used blue and red for purple, red and yellow for orange... you get the idea. We went for a basic ROYGBV pallet. Now make sure they don't look while you sneak in some gummies and small candy (we used Pez).

 

Then she started mixing them to make new colors and as she did she found gummies and Pez candies. She had to guess by touch which was which and if she got it right she got to eat it! 

 

She learned that besides smooshing the candy to see which was which (obviously gummies are softer than Pez) she could feel the shape since Pez are ovals. She also found out if you drag the Pez on the tray it makes a scraping sound and the gummies don't.

 

 

And an extra bonus was her tongue turning colors. Oddly her fingers didn't get dyed so that was a plus. 

 

She quickly dug out the hidden goodies and then used a paintbrush to see if it was easier to make lines using her fingers or a brush.

 

 She decided her hand was easier because she could move it easier and it was easier to lick her fingers.

 

 

Next up we made finger puppets! Seriously... you can come up with soooo many crafts if you have wire cleaners, pom-poms and googly eyes! Now honestly this project was a little hard especially since I learned a while ago when gluing pom-poms a hot glue gun works best so she designed them and laid them out and I glued them together. (And yes, I got burned a few times.) It was a joint effort in assembly but she still loved them!

 

These ones have a spiral base so you can pop them on your fingers. We will probably be doing more of these at Easter (I'm thinking bunnies and chicks).  

 

These were basically the same concept but instead or wrapping around the finger  they turn the hand into a mouth. I think these would be cute in with antlers for Christmas reindeer so I may give that a go in a couple months.  

 

So the end result... another totally awesome subject logged and in the books! Next up is "Feet & Legs" so I'll be trying to figure out something on that for the rest of the week tonight! But considering I'm podophobic my expectations aren't too high.

 

 

 



School of Morons

I hate my sons school. I know that sounds harsh but I hate it. A started there last year and no shit, I have never been happy with a single thing they have done.

It honestly concerns me to have my sons education in the hands of complete idiots.

And it's not that I haven't tried. I joined the PTA, chaired committees, volunteered but they don't make it easy. (See Mommy Cliques)

Last year I was at a PTA meeting and was asked to connect the tables and move chairs so everyone could sit. When I had all but one final chair moved the PTA president told me not to sit there since the table seats were for board members. Nice, so I can shuffle furniture for the PTA but I'm not good enough to sit. Nice. I can't tell you how bad I wanted to take the final chair and throw it in her face but thankfully I just left it there and walked away. And even when there were plenty of chairs left they never offered me or any of the "new parents' one. Way to make us feel welcomed.

During a fundraising event I got several donations for a raffle but was told that the event wasn't about making money and we couldn't do it. Ok, well what's the point of a fundraiser if not to RAISE FUNDS?!?!

Later on while planning an event the question of how to mix lemonade came up. They wanted to buy gallons of water to mix it up. It seemed wasteful so I asked why not use the faucet water? After all, the kids drink from it all day right? You would have thought I asked them to use the toilet water from the reaction I got! So needless to say the Mommy Mafia PTA bought water.

On another day my son who walks to my car so I don't have to get out with the toddler went walking to me at dismissal only to have some cow teacher or staff grab him by his backpack. From across the street I saw him pointing at me so I got out of my car and waved so they knew I was his ride. She refused to let him go! I yelled that I need him to cross the to me (like he has done every other day without incident) and she said I had to get in the pick up line. What, you mean the line that is 45 minutes long? The line that will cause me to be late to pick up my other kids since it is stretched about a half mile? Not today lady. So I yelled I had to go now and need my son. It wasn't until I pulled D out of the car and walked to her that she actually let him go. I told him to get in the car and she had the balls to throw up her hand and say "Listen Honey,". But that's all she got out because flipping your hand at me and throwing condescending shit my way is a good way to force me to make you cry. I also reported the cow lady to the school but honestly don't think it did any good.

Plus the teachers are a bit anal with their requirements (a 5 page syllabus? What's that about?). And they do not allow parents to pop in before or after school to talk. Or the $190 in school supplies that I bought and doesn't even cover everything he needs (See School Supply Insanity). And though that is no where near all the bullshit I deal with at this school it's a small example.

And then there was today. Oh today!!! What assholes. Thank God I had signed B out of her school early because with hers getting out at 3:15 (with pick up by 3:30) I would  have been screwed. There is not enough parking and they will call a tow truck (they as in the school) if you park at the neighboring businesses. So this creates a huge issue. Throw in that the car line as I said before is a 45 minute line unless you are there a hour early so I was lucky to pull in as someone was pulling out so I got a spot.

I decided since I had B with me to walk up to the school. School let out (at 3pm) and... no kids came out. Odd right? So standing there with no shade in the blaring Florida sun and blistering heat B and I cooked waiting for A to come out.

As parents surrounded the doors I almost started to panic. Was something wrong? Did something happen? Nope. They were dismissing using "rainy day procedures". Odd thing was... THERE WAS NO RAIN!!! Not even a dark cloud. Hell, there weren't really any clouds at all. WTF?!?!?

So for no known reason they were dismissing the kids ONE AT A TIME!!! Now though this pissed me off and I was surrounded by other pissed off parents I had B with me so it wasn't a catastrophe but had she been at her school it easily could have been. And to make matters worse it was not just disorganized but the principal and teachers were being so damn rude!!!

I honestly don't know how much more of this school I can take. It is driving me nuts. There are a few people who are really nice, positive and intelligent but they are they minority by far. I swear he's going to a school of morons and it's only a matter of time before he becomes one himself.

Big Time Ass at the BTR Concert

Last night was the Big Time Rush concert. Like an idiot I decided to take B to the concert. It's one of those things where I know I am going to be miserable but her enjoyment is worth it (even if just barely).

Since misery enjoys company I dragged along Kathryn and her daughter and a friend of theirs. It stormed all afternoon leading up the the concert. Not the kind of weather you are hoping for at an Amphitheater, especially when you have lawn seats. Since last concert we went to there was rained out I was worried but also strangely hopeful (if it was cancelled I was off the hook and got a refund!). But no such luck. The prayers of hundreds of teen girls prevailed and the weather was actually perfect. The show would go on.

The concert wasn't terrible either. B danced, sang and even cried the tears of a unrequited love for a pop star. The only problem was I set up our area and along comes "one of those people" who sites just behind me.

You know who I mean. The obnoxious person that I always seem to run into. I don't know if I exude some sort of "idiot attraction pheromone" but they always seem to find me. I run into them mostly at Walmart but this one was right here next to me with her kid... and damn was she drunk!!!

What kind of white trash lush goes to a kids concert to get hammered?!?!? She was dancing (aka stumbling) and singing (aka slurring) and her poor kid was begging her with tears in her eyes to stop and sit. And this freak job kept bitching saying "Just wait till I take you to Godsmack and don't let you do anything but sit!". Um... maybe you shouldn't be taking your 8 year old to Godsmack you moron!!!

But even with her bitching she'd sit down and shortly get up (which that alone was amusing to watch) and start thrashing around dancing again. At one point she bumped into her kid and knocker her over the rope that separates the "lawn seating" from a big ass incline to the normal seats. How this inebriated women was able to grab her kid before she rolled down the hill "Princess Bride Style" and pull her back over the rope was fairly impressive.

But this woman was so intoxicated and with her husband doing nothing about it and her kid begging her to stop I found myself hoping she'd hit my kid or me so I'd have reason to clock her! And honestly she was so drunk that it wouldn't have taken much for her to pass out.

I am all for being goofy and embarrassing my kid but this woman was embarrassing herself just as much.

So I spent most of my time playing on the iPhone and hoping for this woman to pass out. There are just some things you shouldn't have to deal with at a concert for kids. I never expected to find a big time ass at the Big Time Rush Show but you never know where "one of those people" will find you!

Pre-Pre-K School

D has an early September birthday. This has pros and cons. On the good side we have her being with me for a whole extra year. On the bad we have her all alone with me while all her friends went on to pre-k this year. So since I already work with her at home with a curriculum of sorts we just started back up. We are covering some of what we did last year with a few tweaks to make it new and a bit harder for her.

This is her "home school".

 

Week one of my "pre-pre-k" home school with D went really well. We worked again on the letter A, the number 1 and had lessons on "All About Me", "My Body", and "Humpty Dumpty".

When we did All About Me we made a scrapbook all about D. It was full of things she liked, her hand print, finger print, she even picked out images from the Internet to include in lists of her favorites.

When we worked on My Body we went over the less known parts or her body (like shin, calf, wrist). She laid down on the driveway and I traced her body and we labeled the parts. Then we made paper dolls using a template I found on about.com. We discussed where each part of clothes she made goes on the body and why we wear it. Then we played a game where we dressed the doll for the seasons.

Today we did Humpty Dumpty. I turned it into a creative arts project. We took a raw egg and using a needle I put a hole in the top and bottom and blew all the guts out. She then decorated her very own Humpty Dumpty.

While she was doing that I was hard boiling eggs so we could make "Humpty Dumpty Scrambled Eggs".

First she built them a wall. She'd place an egg on top of the wall each time and when we sang the part where he had a great fall she would knock him over. As we did it I asked why she thinks the egg fell? How could we keep it from cracking? Is there a way to put it back together again?

 

Then she rolled the cracked eggs around and peeled them with me. Once they were all naked I cut the in half and put the yolk in a bowl with mayo, mustard, garlic salt and onion powder. She mixed all the ingredients.  

 

Next it was time to put Humpty together again... so she stuffed the egg halves with the mixture all on her own. It was a mess but she loved it. The trickiest part was keeping her from eating it all before we they were all stuffed!

 

 

We also made a book on Humpty Dumpty where she colored the pictures of Humpty on a wall, Humpty falling, Humpty cracked and then Humpty fixed. She put them in order, First, next, then, last and we made a book with a slightly different rhyme:

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

But Humpty did not cry.

He did not scream. Do you know why?

With a little tape, and a bit of glue...

He fixed himself up. Good as New!

 



 



 We also made a super cute craft for the letter A and to help with adding and subtraction that I stole from www.preschoolalphabet.blogspot.com .

 

I changed ours up by doubling the monkeys and we each made a clothespin alligator. So when we roll dice we have to add or subtract that number. And of course you can sing the 5 Little Monkeys song and just take one away each time!

And we mad a clay ant out of Crayola Model Magic clay!

All in all it was both a very educational and fun week for both D and I! I don't know what I'll do next year when she's at school. Man I'll miss this.

 

School Supply Insanity

My son goes to a charter school and when I got his supply list I was honestly sick to my stomach.

It seems every year the supply lists for school get worse and worse. And my sons school this year is outrageous!!!

And as if the overall amount of stuff they want isn't enough... they are extremely brand and volume specific!!!

Throw in the fact that we still have to buy his textbooks, workbooks, reading books, project supplies as they approach those subjects and lessons throughout the year... and the school wants a "highly encouraged $500 donation". Plus of course book bag, uniforms and I'm about ready to scream.


With using coupons and going to 4 different stores we clocked in just under $190.00.

Here is the list for the items to bring on the first day of 6th grade for the 2012-2013 year:

• 1 4oz Elmer's washable Gel school glue
• 4 small Elmer's washable glue sticks (approx 1/4oz)
• 1 roll of Scotch tape with plastic dispenser
• 1 roll of masking tape (1" width)
• 1 pair of Student-sized Fiskars or Wescott scissors (age 12+)
• 1 family-sized (rectangular) box of Kleenex tissues
• 6 rolls of Bounty paper towels
• 3 containers of Clorox Wipes (35ct)
• 1 8oz bottle of Dial antibacterial liquid hand soap
• 1 12oz Lysol disinfecting spray (any scent)
• 1 Glade Scented oil Plu-Ins refill (any scent)
• 3 dozen #2 Ticonderoga pencils
• 1 pencil sharpener with cover to catch shavings
• 1 Papermate "Pink Pearl" eraser (2"x3/4")
• 1 dz Bic Blue pens
• 1 dz Bic Black pens
• 1 dz Bic Red pens
• 1 wooden ruler
• 1 compass
• 1 protractor w/ angle guide
• 1 pkg of Daisy paper plates (at least 50ct)
• 1 pkg of napkins (at least 250 ct)
• 1 pkg of assorted plastic utensils (forks, knives and spoons at least 24 ct)
• 1 pkg of 3x5 lined white index cards (100ct)
• 1 pkg of 4x6 lined white index cards (100ct)
• 1 pack of Crayola colored pencils (24ct)
• 2 yellow highlighters
• 2 black Sharpie markers
• 12 Thick Expo dry erase markers (low order) (assorted colors)
• 1 Expo dry erase eraser
• 1 8oz bottle of Expo dry erase cleaner
• 1 Vis a Vis overhead transparency marker
• 1 box of gallon-size Ziploc bags
• 1 pack of washable, thin "Classic Colors" Crayola markers
• 1 pack of washable, thick "classic Colors" Crayola markers
• 10 heavy duty page protectors
• 6 large White posterboards
• 1 large White foamboard
• 3 pkgs of Mead wide ruled notebook paper (150 sheets)
• 1 composition book -- not spiral (approc 9 3/4'x" 1/2", 100 sheets, black & white cover only)
• 1 dz medium binder clips (1 1/4")
• 1 dz large binder clips (2")
• 1 box of small (regular size) paperclips (100ct)
• 1 box of jumbo (large size) paperclips (100ct)
• 1 box of standard staples 1/4", 5000ct)
• 1 bottle of Wite-Out
• 1 1-subject spiral notebook (any color)
• 3 4oz pkgs of White Crayola Model Magic
• 1 pack of construction paper (9":x12", at least 50 sheets, assorted colors)
• 1 heavy-duty, white binder with clear overlay (3" size)
• 1 ser of 5ct tabbed dividers
• 1 pkg of graph paper with binder holes (8 1/2"x11", 50ct)
• 1 box of medium size, non-latex, powder free gloves (100ct)
• 2 blue folders with 3 prongs and 2 pockets (plastic/poly)
• 2 yellow folders with 3 prongs and 2 pockets (plastic/poly)
• 2 red folders with 3 prongs and 2 pockets (plastic/poly)
• 2 green folders with 3 prongs and 2 pockets (plastic/poly)
• 2 purple folders with 3 prongs and 2 pockets (plastic/poly)
• 1 roll of Bounty paper towels (for the clinic)

Again, this is just what he needs to bring on the first day and doesn't include his textbooks and other stuff!

I realize every child is entitled to a free education but they also have to have the supplies to work... this is just excessive! Brand specific for #2 pencils?

I think if they plan to be this specific they should buy the items themselves and get a bulk discount and have each family pay a set amount. But then again it could work out worse since we wouldn't have coupons or be able to comparison shop.

I just can't help but think... this is too much. It's insane!

You never leave a doctor feeling better.

Today I took B in for her 1 year check up.

They asked her to fill out a form on her own asking her questions that she may not want to have me hear and the form stated that her answers would be kept confidential... FROM ME.

I thought there may be a chance that I wouldn't be ok with her filling out a form privately that I would not be privileged to but since she couldn't make out most of the words on the page I had to help her anyway so my possible issue was moot. And not only could she barely read the damn thing... she didn't even understand many of the things when I read it to her such as the questions "Have you ever knowingly inhaled concentrated chemicals to get high?". She couldn't figure out why she would breath while focusing on chemicals and how that would get her "high". Thanks a lot Doc. Now I have to explain huffing to my kid. So I did and we had the whole homonym discussion where I explain that some words sound or are spelled alike and have different meanings.

Then we had the question "Have you ever had sex?" followed by "Could you be pregnant?". Her response... "That's not appropriate to ask a child!". Well I couldn't agree more... but sadly it's often a necessary questions.

See my kid knows drugs are bad though she doesn't know all the terminology for and methods of getting high. She also knows the bare essentials of sex because she knows it's something you do only when you are married. Now this isn't because we are a family of prudes... or I'm such a great mom that my kids moral compass is pointing due north at all times. It's because she's special needs and we try to K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Sweetie) when it comes to this stuff. And at this point in her life she accepts what we say so we are going to roll with it.

So once the questionnaire was out of the way I tossed her a pamphlet on "Puberty in Girls" and couldn't help but chuckle as she gasped at the photos. Then she asked me what "s-o-r-e" spelled and I told her and she gasped again. I asked her what was wrong and she says in a terrified questioning way "My boobs will go away?!?!". What the hell is she reading? So she reads it out loud to me. "It says 'Some girls breast will get sore but it will go away'"... and she looks at me hoping for reassurance which I was happy to give. "B, when you go through puberty sometimes your boobs get sore... and the soreness goes away. NOT YOUR BOOBS!" You can't imagine her relief.

So a little while later the Dr comes in and turns out B needs to get her eyes retested because they weren't looking so hot. Great... glasses for a kid who can't make it a school year without lossing her backpack. This should be fun.

The Dr then says she doesn't expect B to grow anymore. This took me by surprise because I always thought she was on the tall side but when I was shown her growth chart it was there in pink and blue spaghetti graph lines... she has only grown about 2 inches in the last few years. YIKES!

The Dr explains that girls don't often grow much more once they get their period. Well... that sucks for my kid who got hers at 10!!! Now my daughter is freaking out because she is going to be short. Well... there are worse things to happen but maybe not when you are 13. I do plan to do a bit more research on this...

But in the meantime B has once again stated how she really doesn't like going to the Dr. She says, and I'd have to agree, "You never leave there feeling better and isn't that the reason you go?"

The Vacations is Over

Yep, the vacation is over alright. We were only gone for like 5 days or something and it was great... but (and isn't there always a but?) it had it's hitches.

Let's ignore the fact that the cleaning service in the room was morally opposed to dusting knick knacks and the fact that the spare linens on the pull out couch were pretty dingy. The room other than that (and the lack of toilet paper) was still nice and since it was a condo rented from the owners there really wasn't anyone to call to come dust or bring up t.p. (though luckily knowing how hubby shits about 4 times a day I had the foresight to bring several extra rolls).

We went to the beach, sat by the pool, swam and ate to our hearts content (I think I personally ate more in food then what we paid for the condo)... but every day I had some sort of physical issue.

Night one I found myself with the most violent case of indigestion ever. I felt like an alien baby was trying to scratch it's way out of my chest.

Night two I had a headache that felt like the aforementioned alien baby crawled into my brain since it couldn't make it out my chest.

Night three I developed a rash on my stomach, thighs, armpits and boobs. I'm allergic to UV rays so the fact that I made it 3 days before my polymorphic light eruption hit was actually quiet an accomplishment.

Night four left me feeling like someone was playing hopscotch on my back all night with a pair of metal cleats thanks to the worst matress ever!

Throw in a few other cases of heartburn, some chaffing in spots I shouldn't mention thanks to a quickie we tried to squeeze in while the kids were watching TV (and that only lasted maybe 5 minutes tops), some razor burn from over shaving combined with salt, sand and sun and possibly the quickie and even a few hives and some swelling in my mouth from some unknown ingested allergen and medically I was a wreck.

But honestly none of that messed up the vacation.

Not even the little trivial shit that popped up on the website including some wackadoo bitching about a member posting their copyrighted shit on the site brought me down. But whilst on that subject let me add that yes the person did copy an entire story from another site... but they included the original sites name, address, author and 5 links back. But whatever. I deleted it so who cares. I just felt bad for the chick from our site... and I was honestly a little pissed because I know for a fact that many people visited their site because of their shit being shared WITH LINKS on mine. Whatever.

But still though that all got my bikini in a bunch it didn't ruin the trip. In fact... NOTHING DID!!! Sure we had some kinks but seriously it was awesome. We had fun and even through my itching, burning, swelling and pain I really enjoyed myself.

So upon our arrival home we open the door to a mess left by my dad a.k.a. the house sitter. The kids start bickering. There is somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 emails for the site and 300 for my personal stuff and a loonnngggg list of things to dos. Had the drive home not been the hint I needed it is now obvious... THE VACATION IS OVER.

Knit a Dick

I'm the very first to admit that I'm a little left of center. I tend to have a crude sense of humor and that humor often ventures over to "the dark side". So when I found a new knitting pattern for a cock n balls... well I got a small thrill. Not in a sexual way of course but in a mischievous "can't wait to whip this out at the stitch n bitch meet up" kind of way.

Here is what the pattern makes. Click on the photo to get a download of the pattern. 

Not only can I knit myself a penis... but I have a variety of sizes to choose from! And best of all the pattern was free.And it includes handy tips on how to make the balls feel more realistic! And after all, if the balls don't feel realistic what's the point? I may add a pipe cleaner to the middle of my shaft that way I can pose it!  I plan to knit up a batch of these and leave them in friends purses, on restaurant tables and various other places just to share the fun.

Now if a free standing shalong isn't your thing you can add one to your favorite stuffed animal or make a full x-rated teddy bear.

What a fun way to start that awkward anatomy conversation you have been trying to have with your kid. And if you are in the market for the perfect baby shower gift... You've got it!!! Wait till junior starts sucking on that! If only they had a matching vagina.

Crreeeeeepppppyyyy!

This blog is for me.

So, I have yet again been neglecting my blog. I'd apologize to my followers but I removed them so I can't see them. Why you may ask? Well, I don't want them. Don't get me wrong, I love getting support for my many issues as well as the pissy comments and emails that I laugh at but this blog isn't what I want it to be.

It started just as a way for me to vent because I was honestly lonely from being new to staying home. The it morphed into something else. It stopped being my hobby and became work. I started caring about how many page views or followers I had. I did giveaways just to get more fans. I started posting for other people and not me. I linked things on facebook and twitter! I didn't post things because I didn't think my followers would like it. And I also let everyone know it was my blog so then I had to be careful about what I said.

So I don't feel like starting the blog thing over but I am probably going to remove some posts because I don't feel like keeping tomato giveaways. Sorry. And it's not that I don't want people to read this because I don't care if they do. I just don't want to do it with the sole purpose of having people read it. Does that make sense? I think so.

I stopped focusing on me and my blog and started focusing on my social networking site and honestly I love it but I need this and I put it on the back burner. I missed posting so much.

So no more followers. People read this then fine if not fine too. If you think a post is about you and you don't like it stop reading or leave a mean comment that I can delete but I may disable comments all together. I haven't decided yet. But I will do what I want from now on because this blog is for me.