No flower, No Lovin'!

So hubby and I just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary this week. We didn't do anything too crazy. Just dinner and a movie but when you have three kids that alone is a big event.

I did mention to him about 2 weeks ago that I can't even remember the last time he gave me flowers and I would really like him to get me some even if it is for no reason other then he thought about me. He decided that because I mentioned wanting flowers that he couldn't possibly get me some, especially for our anniversary, because then I would say he only did it because I said something.

Ok, let me get this straight... The one thing I tell you I would like, the one thing I have recently said would mean a lot to me you can't get me because I mentioned it? Seriously?!?!

So I told him that I would begin to treat my vagina the way he treats flowers. He may get it on special occasions but only if he doesn't bring it up first.

Why is it once a man (and not all men but the vast majority) get comfortable with a women they stop giving flowers unless they are in trouble or it's a special event and sometimes not even then? However a man expects his women to give it up. They want it ready and available when they want it, how they want it, where they want it. Of course I enjoy it but I don't need it all the time like he does.

Well from now on there will be no more "relations" until I get my damn flowers. What do I have to do to get some foliage, die? Surely he would have an arrangement sent to my funeral right? Well then that is when he will get some va-jay-jay... WHEN I AM DEAD!!! Unless of course he gets some before then. Hell, I'd even take a plastic fern. Then we will see.

Bette Midler understood the point of flowers. This joke of hers is one of my favorites:

I will never forget it you know. I was having tea one day with my Girlfriend Clementine, doorbell rang, answered the door and there was a delivery boy with two dozen roses. I grabbed the card, it said "Love, from your boyfriend Ernie" I said "Clementine, do you know what this means? For the next two weeks I'm gonna be flat on my back with my legs wide open."

Clemintine says to me "What's the matter, ain't you got a vase?"

What else am I supposed to put my kids in?

I am always amazed at the warnings that have to be posted on things. I have to wonder if they put this sticker on because someone did it and now they have to or if they know how stupid people are and are trying to prevent it. Either was I guess I have to find a new place to store my kids.

School started today!

Today was B's first day of 5th Grade!!!

She was so excited. I have one of those kids that loves school. I am so incredibly thankful for this so this morning ran like clockwork. She woke up right away and got dressed. I helped her with her hair and then she took out the dogs. 5th graders are too cool and too mature to have their parents walk them to class so James took her in at 7:30 so she could eat breakfast in the cafeteria and then walk herself to her class room.

Doesn't she look cute? She was so girly and adorable. I can't wait to hear how her day went.

Now for my day... well it's going good but it is an adjustment. D cried when B left but chilled out pretty fast especially when she got her breakfast. It's strange having just me and her in the house again and nothing really planned. I think I am going to have a lot of adjusting to do from summer myself.

I can't really remember how I entertained a toddler for 6 hours every day prior to summer. This may get messy. I can't tell she is bored and I am trying my hardest to not just pop in an Elmo or Dora DVD and letting her vegg. 

One of my buds will be coming over with D's BFF shortly so that should entertain her for a bit but I have to work on some kind of plan or else this baby will destroy my house.

I hope this week gets better fast!

What a crazy start to the week. I had really high hopes starting this week out. You know, last week of summer... end vacation with a bang. I had this crazy idea that this week would run like clock work. We would finally get to the beach (something I have been promising the kids for months now) and I may even make it to yoga.

When I am wrong... I AM REALLY WRONG. If the last 2 days are any indication of how the rest of the week will go please forgive me while I climb into bed and hide.

It started yesterday with B deciding to shave her arms. I caught her halfway through the adventure so she is only half shaven but the damage was done. Yes I am going to be the jerk mom who makes her walk around with one hairy arm. I don't care. She shouldn't have shaved it.

Then my dog got sick all over the kitchen. That was fun. D has diarrhea... again. It resulted in an explosive diaper and it looks like she may be getting a boil. I really can't take another bout with MRSA right now so please pray for her (and me).

At Adrian's football practice I stepped in a red ant pile. It was great. I love feeling like my flesh is being burnt off by those venomous six legged little bastards. James says "Oh yeah, watch out for ants." Thanks for the warning JERK! I could have used it prior to stepping in a massive pile of carnivorous insects but hey, now I have these sexy puss filled bubbles all over my feet. It's a podophobic dream come true. Argh!

Then when we went to leave the field D threw such a fit it turned the 40 yard walk to the car into a 20 minute fight ending in me dragging her while she kicked and screamed and flailed. I love kids.

Today I decided to try to lay low and get some work done around the house but with my uterus wrenching cramps it took forever to get anything done because I would periodically be doubled over in pain. And I have 4 more days of womanly fun to go!!!

I did get a lot of laundry done but it took me 3 loads to realize that when I told B "Bring me some clothes to wash" I didn't specify DIRTY clothes so all her clean clothes got even cleaner. That was fun because I love doing laundry. Plus after I folded all her already clean clothes and asked her to put them away she shoved them all in a pile undoing all the folding I just did. Oh Joy.

I also found the only photograph of James and I on our 2nd wedding anniversary had been ruined. (One of the few pictures I have of me, not to mention with James on a special occasion and pregnant.) Turns out B decided to clean the picture with the abrasive Lysol Disinfecting Wipes. I can't get her to clean her room but she will scrub a photo? Seriously?


Since D can now climb out of her crib there is absolutely no containing this baby and thus no way to make her take a nap so she was a ball of sunshine. This is not a child who can go without a nap. By 3pm I was actually considering chaining both the girls out back onto the dogs tether and letting them run it out.

I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained and am fighting my depression and I am sure to some of those "Super Moms" out there this sounds like no big deal but to me it is just one shove after another getting me closer to that edge.

I cried so many times today. Especially when I yelled at B because even though she is driving me absolutely insane she can't always help it. I know I don't always know how to handle her and today I did a shitty job. I yelled and screamed and pounded counter tops and then got mad at myself and went to my room to cry and came out calm only to have it start all over again. Some days between her disabilities and my issues we just can't mesh.

I did cuddle with her and tell her I was sorry for how I acted and she said she was sorry for all the things she did and we both promised to have a better day tomorrow. Then I put her to bed and checked my email and saw my friend Tiffanie sent me this video and I smiled.

I just hope tomorrow will be better... or I will be wishing I was the guy in that car.

Who needs friends when you have food?

Ok, I don't mean what I wrote in the title. I'm just being a smart-ass. I know I had my little tantrum yesterday over my friends sucking but I am better now. I do still love them all. I really do and I would still do anything for anyone of them. It was just a bad day and I was up late stressing about what was going on and thus my hissy-fit blog post at midnight.

My problem is that one of my friends has created a huge problem for a lot of people. Due to the nature of this problem I can't really discuss it... yet. I owe her that much. I don't want to complicate anything for this "friend" right now since she and several others have enough to deal with.

In addition to that problem I don't have anyone I can really talk to about the problem and since it is really affecting me all I can do is make cryptic blog posts. All I want is someone I can talk to who can listen (hell, I am not opposed to having them give advice, comment, criticism, whatever) and will not tell anyone else about this.

I don't have anyone who can just be there for me or that I feel like I can go to and trust 100% with this. It's not a good situation. For me to vent I have to reveal things about another friend and I can't risk it getting out as gossip. Last time I tried to talk to someone about something similar the person told another person. You know how that goes so I have learned my lesson. It's just a shitty lesson to learn.

So I have let this bug me all day. I had planned a day at the spa (first time in years I have done something like this but thanks to a gift card and a hubby who knows I am about to burst from stress I figured what the hell) and all I could think about during my facial was this drama.  

So since I needed comforted and had no one I could turn to (and hubby was too wrapped up in a WOW raid with his guild) I got creative in the kitchen.

Well maybe not creative but I did try out some new recipes. I got them out of my months installment of magazine (probably Good Housekeeping or Ladies Home Journal, I can't really remember). So on the comfort food menu for today we had:

Fresh Tomato Soup & Ciabatta Prosciutto Sandwiches. I tweaked the recipes a tiny bit from what was listed but here is what I did:

For the Soup:
1. Dice 3lbs of vine ripe tomatoes
2. Dice 1/2 white onion
3. 2tbsp extra virgin olive oil
4. 2tbsp balsamic vinegar
5. 1 1/2 tsp kosher sale
6. Combine in a bowl and let sit for 30 minutes.
7. Puree until very smooth (the original recipe said strain but I liked it with chunks in it.)
I then added a pinch of garlic salt and refrigerated while I made the Sandwiches.

For the Sandwiches:
1. Dice a can of artichoke hearts (recipe said 6oz but we used almost all of 14oz)
2. Mix 2tbsp extra virgin olive oil and 2tbsp balsamic vinegar
3. Toast required amount of bread ciabatta bread slices
4. Brush bread with the oil and vinegar mixture
5. Layer desired amount of artichoke hearts
6. Add a slice of mozzarella
7. Add 2 slices of prosciutto
But because I am a pig and love food I added basically another layer starting with 2 more slices of prosciutto, a slice of mozzarella, artichokes and another slice of bread so my sandwich wasn't an open faced sandwich.

After stuffing my face I felt less depressed... until I saw the mess I made in the kitchen. But even though I am a horribly sloppy cook with a kitchen to clean and I have some other issues at this time... I have a satisfied tummy and right now that counts for a lot.

I need a friend like me.

When I was in high school I had a good amount of friends. But most of my best friends have been guys. Guys I understand. Guys are tough. They don't need hugs, or cry or create drama. They don't get mad if you don't call. They don't take hours getting ready to go out. With the guys I could sit and laugh at the girls who tried too hard. Girls were high maintenance. Girls were catty, and tried to steal your boyfriends. Girls were crappy friends.

Then as I moved into adulthood my guy friends and I parted ways. This was mostly because once their girlfriends got comfy with them they would put their foot down about them hanging out with another chick. For the most part I never truly bothered to build new friendships. But somewhere along the way I did pick up a friend here or there. But a lot of the time they would be "party girls" and as a mom partying just wasn't on my agenda. Sure a night out was nice but I just don't have the desire to do the multiple late nights a week.

I don't know if my standards for a friend are too high but somehow people just didn't measure up. So at some point I stopped trying to have friends. I didn't become a shut in but I just didn't care really. Friends seemed like too much work. But once I became a SAHM I realized that friends weren't just a luxury, they were a necessity.

I was lonely. I missed talking to adults. I missed talking to anyone. Sure when I worked I turned down every invite to go to happy hour but now I missed being invited out period. So I decided to make myself available. I started making an effort to find friends. I really wanted mommy friends. But it was not easy. It was like jumping into the dating scene and into bed with with someone after being celibate for years. You worry you may not know what your doing or maybe things have changed since your last romp. (See a similar post here.)

By the time Devan was 4 months old I was actually going out to playdates and I started finding friends. I can now say I have lots of friends. I have very close friends and some who are just acquaintances. I also have friends I would consider my best friends... IF THEY DIDN'T SUCK.

Yes, that's right. I said it. My best friends suck. Why can't I find a friend like me?
I'm honest, trustworthy, reliable, try to make people laugh, am supportive, and considerate. I am not perfect. I have mood swings and can be annoying. I know I am not perfect (manic depression, bipolar, ocd) but I try to be a great friend. And I would give or do anything for my friends.

I need a friend like me.

My very best friend is a liar, and is flaky as hell but she can at least keep a secret but honestly just being in my life she frequently makes it worse just as often as she does better with her outrageous drama. And that is my BEST friend! Then there are the ones who are users or gossip or cause and create drama. 

You are probably wondering why I am friends with these people. Believe me, it is a question I have asked myself several times. I guess because when they have their good days those days are great. But when they have their bad days... well it's enough to make me cry, literally. Like a good day could be bringing me milk and a casserole when I am sick, but a bad day is literally dropping their kids off with me for hours (when they said it would be 15 minutes) and going off to do whatever causing me to ruin my own plans.

So with such high highs, and low lows, how do you decide if your friends are worth keeping? I can't do it! I have tried and always decide to stick it out. When I do call them on the crap they apologize, do better for a while then go right back to the same crap!

Am I an idiot? (Ok, don't answer that.) I really don't know what to do. I guess until I finally figure it out I will continue to make excuses for them, put up with them and be the type of friend to them that I wish they were to me.

By the way... if anyone wants to be my new friend I am accepting applications. See criteria noted above.

B's Chill Pill

I know I haven't been on here to blog in like a week. I have been swamped. Summer is winding down but everything else seems to be picking up. This includes doctor appointments and testing but we have made a little progress in the last couple of weeks I think.

B has been on her new medication for a little over a week. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

Since the doctor said they can't treat the cause of her problem we are treating the symptoms so she is in Vyvase which should help with her impulsivity and attention span. So far it seems to be working. She is calmer and is following directions better. But she also seems to be having mood swings. Not severe but just not her normal perky self. She seems a little moopey and not as affectionate as she normally is. Plus she hasn't been eating as much but that could have to do with her adjusting to her braces still.

She has been doing good (and so have I for that matter) about remebering to take what we jokingly call her "Chill Pill".

So as far as the pill being worth it, the jury is out. But I remain hopeful because I know even if it takes a while longer we will find something that will work and even if we don't we will do as we always have. We work with it and appreciate what we have.