You know what is awesome? Finding out what someone truly thinks of you. But that is only if they like you.
I got a taste of what someone I cared about thought of me yesterday and let me just say... OUCH! Here I was thinking I had a great relationship with someone and then I get smacked in the face with their true feelings. It all started over a misunderstanding for the most part but once that damn was cracked watch out for the flood of insults. Color me surprised.
I generally think the best of people and make excuses for people but I don't think there is a way to excuse this. I have been stabbed in the back but this was a knife to the heart. Again with the OUCH! What was really amazing was the fact that from the things they said I can tell this was not a spur of the moment emotional tidal wave but more of an ever present current of animosity that swept away their censor and allowed these things to be said.
I used to be a fighter. The kind of gal that never backed down from a confrontation but that's just not me anymore. I prefer to think of myself as mature rather then passive but the fact of the matter is most fights just aren't worth it.
I think this is the case here. Why am I going to fight to prove I am not some horrible person to someone who obviously thinks I am? If this person can't see value in me I can't force them to. It would be a pointless fight with the best case outcome being some fake comments for pacification's sake. Yet in the back of my mind I will always be wondering what they are thinking of me this time. It's not worth it to me. I don't have the mental or emotional capacity for that kind of constant worry.
So I won't fight. I won't argue. But don't think that I will forget even if I decide to forgive. Words cut and those that come from people you love can cut deep and even if the wound mends, the scar will be here to remind you always.
It makes me wonder, if you could know the honest truth of what people thought about you would you want to know? I used to think I would but now... Ignorance is Bliss and I want to be blissful again.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
If your country is so much better... GO BACK THERE!
While I was a the gym with the DD today I heard a women with a heavy Russian-ish accent trash talking the US.
I didn't have to strain to hear. She was load and obnoxious about how much better her country was. "Our healthcare is free", "We don't involve ourselves in other countries affairs", and it went on and on.
As she stood there saying this wearing her designer purse and dressed very well apparently reaping some of the benefits of living here I got furious.
As I walked past her I said in my sweetest voice, "If it is so much better in your country you should go back there." I didn't give her a chance to respond as I continued walking leaving her stuttering for a response.
One of the things that makes this country great is that it is a melting pot of cultures, races and religions. The fact that you can so publicly talk down about the USA shows that freedom rings even from the mouthes of idiots. So be proud of where you came from but if you don't like it here... GO HOME!
I didn't have to strain to hear. She was load and obnoxious about how much better her country was. "Our healthcare is free", "We don't involve ourselves in other countries affairs", and it went on and on.
As she stood there saying this wearing her designer purse and dressed very well apparently reaping some of the benefits of living here I got furious.
As I walked past her I said in my sweetest voice, "If it is so much better in your country you should go back there." I didn't give her a chance to respond as I continued walking leaving her stuttering for a response.
One of the things that makes this country great is that it is a melting pot of cultures, races and religions. The fact that you can so publicly talk down about the USA shows that freedom rings even from the mouthes of idiots. So be proud of where you came from but if you don't like it here... GO HOME!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Flea Market Trip!
On weekends there is a tradition of disagreement in how we spend out time. Since I am home most of the week with the kids I really want out of the house and having hubby there to tame the wild ones helps. But since he is at work all week he really likes to stay home and chill (playing World of Warcraft).
So I told him last night that I don't care what we do as long as we get out at some point on Saturday for at lease a little bit. I gave him the option of deciding where we would go to.
He choose the flea market. My son asks "What is a flea market? Is it like Sam's Club?" I explained that it wasn't. It was more like a bunch of yard sales jammed into one place. This he kinda understood. So the kids scrapped up some change and loose bills and were ready to hit it.
As soon as we got there, there was a "silly band" style rack of those rubber band bracelets. So for less then $2 my kids picked out 20 bracelets. I did not realize when I agreed to let them get these that the process of picking them out would be tedious and involved. After 20 minutes they got the "shit or get off the pot" call and quickly finished up.
My son's next find was a little shop going out of business with a big sale on samurai swords. Just what every 8 year old needs, right? Well hubby and my son thought so so he got a wooden (thank God) sword.
The rest of the place was what seemed to be a mixture of things people forgot to dump in the trash and knock-off designer purses, shoes, clothes and accessories.
I am not a "label" kinda gal but the Coach purse I had on retailed for $248 and the diaper bag I carried for over $400 (thank you to the outlet store that is not what I paid for them but that's neither here nor there). Some mook at a purse stand tells me he can get me a better looking Coach bag for $39. I glanced behind him and wanted to slap him. One of the bags actually says Couch. Seriously?!?!
Then I found a charm vendor who had Pandora Bracelet style charms that I thought about snagging but only because they weren't pretending to be Pandora charms. After only a moment of though I decided not to muck up my bracelet with charms that cost $3 a piece after what James has spent on the ones I have. I thought it might be insulting. He said it was so yeah me for the right choice.
After much walking and sweating and no real "finds" we headed home. That was when my son said he'd "rather go to a real yard sale" and all I could do was laugh.
So I told him last night that I don't care what we do as long as we get out at some point on Saturday for at lease a little bit. I gave him the option of deciding where we would go to.
He choose the flea market. My son asks "What is a flea market? Is it like Sam's Club?" I explained that it wasn't. It was more like a bunch of yard sales jammed into one place. This he kinda understood. So the kids scrapped up some change and loose bills and were ready to hit it.
As soon as we got there, there was a "silly band" style rack of those rubber band bracelets. So for less then $2 my kids picked out 20 bracelets. I did not realize when I agreed to let them get these that the process of picking them out would be tedious and involved. After 20 minutes they got the "shit or get off the pot" call and quickly finished up.
My son's next find was a little shop going out of business with a big sale on samurai swords. Just what every 8 year old needs, right? Well hubby and my son thought so so he got a wooden (thank God) sword.
The rest of the place was what seemed to be a mixture of things people forgot to dump in the trash and knock-off designer purses, shoes, clothes and accessories.
I am not a "label" kinda gal but the Coach purse I had on retailed for $248 and the diaper bag I carried for over $400 (thank you to the outlet store that is not what I paid for them but that's neither here nor there). Some mook at a purse stand tells me he can get me a better looking Coach bag for $39. I glanced behind him and wanted to slap him. One of the bags actually says Couch. Seriously?!?!
Then I found a charm vendor who had Pandora Bracelet style charms that I thought about snagging but only because they weren't pretending to be Pandora charms. After only a moment of though I decided not to muck up my bracelet with charms that cost $3 a piece after what James has spent on the ones I have. I thought it might be insulting. He said it was so yeah me for the right choice.
After much walking and sweating and no real "finds" we headed home. That was when my son said he'd "rather go to a real yard sale" and all I could do was laugh.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I am not okay. I am faking it as best I can!
I can't sleep. I can't get out of this mood.
I had something happen to my family and I don't feel as though it is my place to throw it out where anyone can read about it but a huge issue isn't just the problem, it is my grandmothers reaction to what happened.
My grandmother has always been my idol. The person I most looked up to and wanted to be like. But when this thing happened she did not have the reaction I would have thought appropriate even though her response was the one I expected.
She didn't want to take sides. But she has defended the person and supported and made excuses for the person and that is taking sides.
I know it is hard to understand all this without me going into details as to exactly what happened but trust me when I say that she is backing a criminal.
The issue now is how broken I am. It kills me to lose respect for someone I regarded so highly. I still love her and that can't change because I know she thinks she is doing what's best. But she is in her 70s and I can no longer say she is the only person who has never disappointed me.
I try not to show her how hurt I am but she has to know even if she doesn't mention it. This whole thing has broken something in me that may never get fixed and the salt in the wound is my pain with her. I am faking it for her because... well I guess I don't want to hurt her in spite of the hurt she has caused me.
I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I could let go or forgive or even better... forget. I can't. So in case anyone is wondering I am not ok. I am just faking it as best I can.
I had something happen to my family and I don't feel as though it is my place to throw it out where anyone can read about it but a huge issue isn't just the problem, it is my grandmothers reaction to what happened.
My grandmother has always been my idol. The person I most looked up to and wanted to be like. But when this thing happened she did not have the reaction I would have thought appropriate even though her response was the one I expected.
She didn't want to take sides. But she has defended the person and supported and made excuses for the person and that is taking sides.
I know it is hard to understand all this without me going into details as to exactly what happened but trust me when I say that she is backing a criminal.
The issue now is how broken I am. It kills me to lose respect for someone I regarded so highly. I still love her and that can't change because I know she thinks she is doing what's best. But she is in her 70s and I can no longer say she is the only person who has never disappointed me.
I try not to show her how hurt I am but she has to know even if she doesn't mention it. This whole thing has broken something in me that may never get fixed and the salt in the wound is my pain with her. I am faking it for her because... well I guess I don't want to hurt her in spite of the hurt she has caused me.
I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I could let go or forgive or even better... forget. I can't. So in case anyone is wondering I am not ok. I am just faking it as best I can.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Wow, sum peepel ar smart!
This is really a sign I passed while driving. I want to thank the idiots who wrote it for the best laugh I have had in a while.
My Happy Mothers Day
Mothers Day is by far my favorite holiday. It is the one day out of the year where I am celebrated for the one thing I take the most pride in.
Once you have kids your life is so defined by the title "mom" that a lot of the other things that you are may get lost or pushed aside. I am actually fine with this. I love being a mom. I am usually really good at it too. So knowing this, every Mothers Day James really does what he can to make it special.
On Saturday we after the Walk for Melanoma, my mother, grandmother, daughter & I all went for pedicures. I got some crazy green color while B got a bright pink (and weaseled a manicure out of the trip too). Then we went to lunch at a very cute tearoom and just talked and laughed all four generations.
Then for Mothers Day on Sunday we have a tradition that every year we take a "road trip" to some place. These trips end up with me at a Coach store getting my annual supply of Coach bags (usually 2 with an accessory).
This year my oldest each picked out a Pandora Charm for my bracelet (another tradition I love) while my baby "picked" out a Cricut Expression!!! I have been aching for one of these! Well hubby got me a Droid phone (which is so cool I can barely figure out how to use it) and after just the charms, Cricut and phone I figured I already made out like a bandit and didn't want anymore money spent on me. It didn't take much talking into for me to change my mind when we got to Coach either. Not only did I get a Coach Diaper Bag & a very funky Coach purse but James and the kids didn't even complain when it took me almost an hour to pick them out! Then they patiently followed me in and out of several stores that I know they had no interest in going in. If that isn't love then what is?
They all just went so out of the way to show me how much they appreciate everything I do and making sure I had a good day and even though my goodies were very cool and I loved getting them... it was the effort behind it all that really made my day special.
I just love this man and these kids so much it is a little scary. Now the trick will be trying to reciprocate on Fathers Day. I think James really set me up for failure without even trying. How can I possibly top yesterday?!?!
Once you have kids your life is so defined by the title "mom" that a lot of the other things that you are may get lost or pushed aside. I am actually fine with this. I love being a mom. I am usually really good at it too. So knowing this, every Mothers Day James really does what he can to make it special.
On Saturday we after the Walk for Melanoma, my mother, grandmother, daughter & I all went for pedicures. I got some crazy green color while B got a bright pink (and weaseled a manicure out of the trip too). Then we went to lunch at a very cute tearoom and just talked and laughed all four generations.
Then for Mothers Day on Sunday we have a tradition that every year we take a "road trip" to some place. These trips end up with me at a Coach store getting my annual supply of Coach bags (usually 2 with an accessory).
This year my oldest each picked out a Pandora Charm for my bracelet (another tradition I love) while my baby "picked" out a Cricut Expression!!! I have been aching for one of these! Well hubby got me a Droid phone (which is so cool I can barely figure out how to use it) and after just the charms, Cricut and phone I figured I already made out like a bandit and didn't want anymore money spent on me. It didn't take much talking into for me to change my mind when we got to Coach either. Not only did I get a Coach Diaper Bag & a very funky Coach purse but James and the kids didn't even complain when it took me almost an hour to pick them out! Then they patiently followed me in and out of several stores that I know they had no interest in going in. If that isn't love then what is?
They all just went so out of the way to show me how much they appreciate everything I do and making sure I had a good day and even though my goodies were very cool and I loved getting them... it was the effort behind it all that really made my day special.
I just love this man and these kids so much it is a little scary. Now the trick will be trying to reciprocate on Fathers Day. I think James really set me up for failure without even trying. How can I possibly top yesterday?!?!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
2 Knitted Baby Hats
Well I finished knitting 2 new baby hats. They were very easy to make if you know how to do a basic knit & purl stitch and how to knit in the round. You can see the exact pattern by going to http://www.redheart.com/ and checking out the free pattern section.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Spring Fling Scrapbooking Retreat 2010
Well I am back for a much needed getaway. My friend Mary Kelly and I went on a scrapbooking retreat from Friday to Sunday. It was a blast. 24 hour scrapbooking with some of the wackiest, zaniest, and kindest women I have ever met.
We stayed at the hotel to maximize or scrapping time and it was awesome. I packed sooo much stuff figuring 48 hours of scrapping would leave me without a project. After all is said and done I only got 4 mini books, 1 12x12 layout and 1 name tag done. I haven't even put pictures down yet!
But the most amazing thing is I was the Grand Prize Winner for both my 12x12 page design and my name tag! Here they are:
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Another awesome thing happened. My cutting board sucks majorly. So I bought 15 raffle tickets. I put 14 in a bag for a new paper cutter and 1 in a bag for a $100 gift card to Michael's Craft Store. Well after going out for a Few margaritas with some girlfriends I came back to find out I won the raffle... For THE GIFT CARD! Not too shabby!
Now it's back to the real world. My scrapbooking supplies are piled up in the garage and are practically unreachable and I am just so pissed about that. I know I have a hobby that takes up a lot of space but it still gets me mad. I can never scrap because getting things out and working on them is such an event and putting them back is worse.
I am just hoping I can get to the next retreat in September!
Oh, and here are some of the other books I did. I am only posting the cover because I don't think anyone actually reads my blog but if you do and you want the recipe just leave me a comment and I will show the pictures of the inside or tell you what paper or any other details you want to know. Anyone is welcome to scraplift my ideas anytime. Just don't steal the pictures themselves.
We stayed at the hotel to maximize or scrapping time and it was awesome. I packed sooo much stuff figuring 48 hours of scrapping would leave me without a project. After all is said and done I only got 4 mini books, 1 12x12 layout and 1 name tag done. I haven't even put pictures down yet!
But the most amazing thing is I was the Grand Prize Winner for both my 12x12 page design and my name tag! Here they are:
Another awesome thing happened. My cutting board sucks majorly. So I bought 15 raffle tickets. I put 14 in a bag for a new paper cutter and 1 in a bag for a $100 gift card to Michael's Craft Store. Well after going out for a Few margaritas with some girlfriends I came back to find out I won the raffle... For THE GIFT CARD! Not too shabby!
Now it's back to the real world. My scrapbooking supplies are piled up in the garage and are practically unreachable and I am just so pissed about that. I know I have a hobby that takes up a lot of space but it still gets me mad. I can never scrap because getting things out and working on them is such an event and putting them back is worse.
I am just hoping I can get to the next retreat in September!
Oh, and here are some of the other books I did. I am only posting the cover because I don't think anyone actually reads my blog but if you do and you want the recipe just leave me a comment and I will show the pictures of the inside or tell you what paper or any other details you want to know. Anyone is welcome to scraplift my ideas anytime. Just don't steal the pictures themselves.
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