It's just how I deal...

I deal with most things that bother or upset me with sarcasm and humor. I make jokes that tend to be out of place and inappropriate but it's just how I deal and I try not to do it at the expense of someones feelings.

Right now I am very upset. If you don't follow the blog then you may not know that my 2 year old suffers from MRSA. She has boils right now.

We get an outbreak and she get boils in her nether regions mostly but they have been getting bolder and moving north with some being near the belly button, stomach and chest. But generally they generally hang out in the diaper area on her butt cheek and near her va-jay-jay.

She's had surgeries and it's just something she will have to deal with. Yes you can die from MRSA. It's scary. It worries me. We have had a few close calls already but we deal with it.

So in addition to taking care of her during her outbreaks I also make snarky comments to her. (Hey, she's 2 she doesn't have a clue what I'm saying.)

I have opened her diaper and cried "Mickey Rourke? Oh, no that's just D's booty!" Yes, it's that scared and marked up.

I told James maybe it's a misdiagnosis. Maybe it's not MRSA but she is such a rotten brat all that badness is building up and oozing out from the boils.

I have told friends that the one good thing about MRSA is I am pretty sure she can't get a job in the Adult film industry because no one would pay to see a tush that messed up.

My oldest is special needs. I pick on her a little too. When she does something completely goofy and dumb we say, "It's ok. You're pretty."

When she one day tried to count and started with "A, B, C... oh wait..." we laughed and now ask her to count all the way to Z for us.

I have tons. Maybe them being exposed to my loving sarcasm will better prepare them for kids who when they say things about their differences will do it with the intent to hurt but maybe it won't.

 But when I make a joke whether it's funny or not it brings humor into the equation where often it wasn't before. And with even a bit of humor my mood is lightened and I smirk (even smile) on occasion.

So if I make jokes please try not to judge me and don't think it's because I am insensitive. It's just how I deal. It means I care.

There was a little girl...

I can't help but worry a little bit at the prospect of D as she grows up. At 2 years old she is already possesses a stronger will and more personality the any adult I know.

Is is terrifying because I have always heard that your kids will be payback for what you did to your parents when you were a child. I thought with B being such a well behaved and easy child to take care of that way of thinking was a bunch of crap because honestly I was a terror when I was young (or so I have been told repeatedly and at great length). She totally disproved the "Child Revenge Theory".

But with D I think I am believing in it again. From her sarcastic trouble making ways to insane tantrums this kid rules my house with an iron fist. Just check her out in this video at the park. Apparently she only wanted mommy to push her in the swing.

I don't know what's worse. That we are both ignoring her tantrums or encouraging and provoking them. I will not rule out that we are a contributing part of the problem. But we are hard headed too and can't let her always get her way... this translates into torturing her on the swing by letting daddy continue to push her.



But in spite of her fits of rage and her relentlessness at getting what she wants...she is so sweet. When James pretended that she hurt his feelings (well maybe it wasn't pretend) she got over her fit and went to take care of daddy. I know she has a good heart... it's just the hard head I worry about.

She really is like that nursery rhyme:

 

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very, very good,
But when she was bad, she was horrid.
 
But not everyone knows that the rhyme from a poem.
 
THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

There was a little girl,
And she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good
She was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
One day she went upstairs,
When her parents, unawares,
In the kitchen were occupied with meals,
And she stood upon her head
In her little trundle-bed,
And then began hooraying with her heels.
Her mother heard the noise,
And she thought it was the boys
A-playing at a combat in the attic;
But when she climbed the stair,
And found Jemima there,
She took and she did spank her most emphatic.

Then one day that little girl
Brushed away that little curl
Away from the middle of her forehead
Now she is good
She is very, very good
And nobody thinks she is horrid!

That poem reminds me of D. When she is bad it's enough to make me pull out my hair and cry, but when she comes up and jumps on my lap and kisses me for no reason at all it's like the sun is shinning just for me. As with most things you have to take the good with the bad.

I like to think that her headstrong defiance will make her a leader and keep her from following others choices and making decisions for herself but only time will tell. But if the last 2 years are any indication she could rule the world if she chooses.

Laundry is my kryptonite.

The Hubster and I had an understanding long ago back when we were both working. I would take care of the inside of the house and he in turn would take care of the outside of the house.

It didn't take long for James to hire a yard guy. Oh, and just in case you were wondering he did not hire the yard guy to free up his time to do other chores around the house. I just want to clarify that. He just got out of doing the yard.

I didn't mind too much because back then it actually gave me an excuse to be a less than perfect housekeeper. Ok, I will be honest... I was a slob. But hey, we both worked and if he couldn't do the outside I wasn't going to stress about the inside.

Fast forward to my pregnancy with D and the beginning of my "nesting phase" and the start of all sorts of OCD tics and I become Super Cleaner! I do the floors multiple times daily, dust everything, hell I even scrub the baseboard weekly. And the germaphobic state of mind has continued and I continue to clean compulsively even now, over 2 years after D arrived. But I don't mind. I stay home and I look at it as part of my job as a housewife now.

I really do it all and I do it well. All except for the laundry.

This is a photo of just my dirty clothes and we have a family of 5 so you can imagine!!!

All things considered I'm a pretty good little housewife but laundry is my kryptonite. I try do it it but it's so hard. I know how to wash clothes of course but there are just so many steps involved (really there should be 4 wash, dry, fold, out away) but when you have ADD it adds steps and it becomes a recipe for disaster.

Here is how it generally goes.

1. Separate clothes.

2. Forget that you separated them and throw more clothes on top or have to search through the pile for one specific item mixing them all up.

3. Separate clothes again.

4. Put load in washer and wash

5. Forget load is in washer and let it sit for at least a day.

6. Remember load in washer and smell it. Yuck.

7. Start load in washer again. Add extra fabric softener and a little more bleach to get ride of sour mildew smell.

8. If I remember after the 2nd run through the wash then move load in wash into the dryer.

9. Forget to start the dryer leaving wet clothes to sit in it and once again start stinking.

10. Put clothes back into the washer again. Add even more fabric softener and a a lot more bleach to get ride of sour mildew smell.

11. Forget load is in washer.

12. . Remember load in washer and smell it again. Yuck.
13. Start load in washer again for the 4th time. Add a hell of a lot more fabric softener and a the rest of the bleach to get ride of sour mildew smell.
14. Move load to dryer making sure to start it this time.
15. Forget to put the dryer on the right setting and have to turn it on again.
16. Forget to clear lint trap. That's why it's not drying. Clear lint and dry again.
17. Forget to get clothes out of dryer so they wrinkle.
18. Start dryer again to fluff out wrinkles.
19. Forget to get clothes out of dryer once again.
20. Start dryer yet again.
21. Forget to get clothes out of dryer but give up on fluffing so put them in a basket.
22. Forget to fold basket of clothes but put it in closet to get it out of the way.
23. Dog finds basket of unfolded laundry and lays in it or I forget if basket is supposed to be clean or dirty.
24. Have to rewash load. See step one.

Yes this is honestly how some loads go. Thing is even if I do remember to wash, dry, fold and put away the other loads I do this one "bad load" as I call it, the one that has to be washed and dried repeatedly throws the rest of my progress out of whack and it makes it so I never actually put a dent into the pile.

So I had a great idea yesterday. My grandmother doesn't work and could use a little extra money plus she actually enjoys doing laundry (I am sure this is proof of a history of mental illness in the family). So I thought I would have her do some of my laundry for like $5 per load or something. I asked her and she agreed. 

But when I presented the idea to James he didn't go for it! I guess I wasn't actually asking permission. I was more or less letting him know what I planned on doing so I will do it if I want but still I was shocked at his response. I thought he may actually be proud I thought it up! He said if she really needed the money it was fine but as a way for me to not have to do the wash it wasn't. Again, I wasn't looking for approval but if he really was against it for a good reason I wouldn't do it. SInce to me he has no good reason Grandma's the new family laundress.

My actual issue is this... How is it fair that he pays for a lawn guy if I can't pay for the laundry to get clean? It's not like we have grass in the yard! But we do have a heap of dirty clothes.

So no, it's not fair and since laundry sucks the life and patience out of me I will probably drop my first load off to dear old granny next week and I can't wait for James to say something about it. Oh, by the way... The yard guy is coming on Friday.

You want me to give blog advice? Ha Ha Ha!

A friend called me today and said she wants to start blogging. She has tried a couple of times and never stuck with it. She asked for my advice.

Now I found this ironically funny for a multitude or reasons. One of which was that I myself had the same issue many months ago before I decided to buckle down and do it for my own sanity. The other reason her inquiry made me laugh was... me? Really, you are asking me for advice? Geez, you must be desperate. But sure I will try to help.

The main thing I stressed to her was to figure out why she wanted to blog that way she would have motivation to keep it up. My reason and motivation was just to have an outlet. I am a SAHM and have to deal with a lot of personal issues along with problems my kids have plus I like to share crafts and recipes and I just needed someplace to get it all out. It works great because sometimes I get advice, sometimes it's words of encouragement and yes the occasional criticism which I can just ignore!

Once you figure out your why you have the hardest part done. I also recommended making a blog about a specific thing. This is completely unlike my own blog but it seems to work better for many. It looks to me like specialized blogs pick up a following more easily. So if you want a blog about being a mom make one, or a crafter or chef make one. Hell if you want one about 10 different things and you can keep a steady stream of posts flowing make 10 different blogs. But if you are like me and can't and need one main place to go for a hodge podge of thoughts and miscellaneous fodder then do like me and make one blog.

This is especially true if you are blogging for yourself. But if you are blogging for followers and want to become popular read other popular blogs and see what they do. I am no authority on that because that's just not what I'm doing. I never started out wanting followers but with each one I get a little thrill that someone out there finds my blog (and life) interesting enough to read. That's part of the reason I host giveaways. As a thank you (and perhaps an apology) to those who go on the blog, read and comment.

I also told her to reach out to other bloggers, preferably those who are more successful then I am. I have been given great advice from 2 awesome bloggers who I am lucky enough to know, Jenn from Peace.Love.Mommy and Connie from Brain Foggles. I'm not encouraging everyone to hit them up for tips and tricks but it would be a good idea to just read their blogs. They both have such different styles and both blogs are awesome.

That was my advice to her (and to anyone with a similar question).

What made me almost die laughing though was her next question... "Cool! But how do you make money blogging?"

HA HA HA! You mean people make money from this? I thought that was an urban legend. Sure some bloggers get paid. I'm not one of them. You know back when I said figure out why you want to blog? Yeah... well I'm not sure money will be a good enough reason.

I do get samples of items to review on occasion but I don't get any cheddar from anyone. But that's not why I blog either. You can monetize your blog, put ads up all over, go to lots of "pay per post" style sites but I honestly think if you are blogging to make money (forget getting rich) you are going to be pretty disappointed for a long time. I could be wrong so in case I am search for resources on blogging for money. Just beware of scams.

You may notice my blog has no ads. My blog consists of the things I like to see on other blogs and that means content not sales pitches. And while some bloggers (even some I love) have no problem filling their page with banners for everything from Amazon.com to Viagra it's just not for me.

You have to decide what's right for you. But if you pour your heart and soul into your blog you will get a benefit. It may not be money (okay, it most definitely won't be money) but it may be finding a kindred spirit who's life has been touched by something you shared.

Everyone wants to be the next "Julie and Julia" style success story but if that is why you are blogging you may need to reassess. But on the same note if a movie studio comes up to you and says they want to turn your blog into a movie you'd be an idiot to outright refuse. I'm just saying...

Motherhood is a bunch of crap!

It's true, Motherhood is a bunch a crap. It's a waste of time and I can't believe I bothered with it. No, I am not actually talking about motherhood as in the state of being a mom. I am referring to the movie Motherhood featuring Uma Thurman.

My relationship with Uma was already one of the love/hate variety. I don't know why but she has always irked me. I want to hold her down and force her to eat a hamburger. But despite the fact that I am not a fan of her acting I have liked some of her movies. Ok, 3 I think (The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Kill Bill 1 and Kill Bill 2). Frankly the one main flaw I found with those 3 movies was her. Just her being in them. Sure she may be a great person in real life but I don't know what it is about her that just rubs me the wrong way on screen.

So anyway, my predisposed dislike of Uma should have been reason enough to skip the film Motherhood  and the fact that until I accidentally found it on Netflix I had never even heard of it should have reinforced the "skip it" factors but it honestly sounded like a flick I could relate to.

Slot Summary per IMDB:  In Manhattan, a mother of two preparing for her daughter's sixth birthday party has no idea of the challenges she's about to face in order to pull off the event.

As a mom I thought I may be able to relate to a movie with a title likd this but I was wrong.

I was honestly offended by Uma's character Eliza and her portrayal of what I think was intended to be a typical stay at home mom. Here I thought this was a movie that didn't glamorize motherhood nor act like it was a burden that sucked the life and intellect out of the mother but this movie did both.

Let's break it down. The movie starts off with a shot of a to do list that has many trivial tasks written in, among the list the taks of blogging was written several times. I though once again "yeah, I can relate".

Then you see Eliza waking up and shuffling around her disgustingly cluttered and dirty looking apartment, leaving one apartment where she and the family slept and going into another apartment to prepare breakfast. You later find out it's because of rent control and blah blah blah. Really? Is this the safest living situation? I realize you do what you have to do to put a roof over your families head but if you have to live like that with 2 young children get your SAHM ass a J-O-B. Or better yet make your husband (who seems to be actively unemployed) sell some of the piles of junk he has around the place. The condition of the house warrants a call to Children's Services or in the very least the EPA. I know it's not always possibly to keep a spotless house but that place to me was unacceptable.

She does however take a photo of her daughter and titles it "Clara on the last day of being 5" and I thought this was cute actually. Eliza spends a lot of time pining over her daughters birthday and how she is growing and it's almost sentimental and deludes you into thinking she is a caring and attentive mother. This however is disproved when she puts her child in a carseat without first buckling him in then moves her car. She then lites up a cigarette with her toddler in the car! (Ever hear of second hand smoke?) Then after causing a traffic jam because she doesn't want to risk losing her parking space gets out of the car, leaving her unbuckled toddler in his seat, to argue with a man several cars back because he called her a cunt. The man points out that the toddler is making a break out the window and she runs back and finally moves her car driving around the block (I don't think she ever got around to buckling him in though). I was just amazed. Scary thing is there are people in the world like her!

Also while all this is going on she finds out that morning that there is a essay contest with a prize of winning a columnist position. As a blogger she is super excited. But is stressed about when she will find time to do the writing. So she squeezes it in while at the park with her son. God forbid she forgo the sample sale with her friend, or inviting a delivery boy upstairs to dance and hang out with, in what I can only describe as inappropriate and awkward. But she finally bangs out a draft and asks her husband to edit and critique.

At some point her car gets towed and she is forced to go on foot to run her errands and try to get things ready for her daughters birthday. You live in New York. Take the bus! But it seems like that would be too easy so she schleps around running errands on a bike. (When she does go get the car it is only a few blocks away.)

Every where she goes she encounters rudeness and it becomes obvious she has ZERO coping skills. It's frustrating watching her passive aggressive meekness. It also appears that she deliberately does things the hard way. Perhaps to play the victim or damsel in distress but her weakness is disgusting and her lack of logical thought is frustrating.

When she finally does see her husband edited her essay and questioned her writting she flips out and leaves (maybe because she was trying to hard to sound like a postpartum Carey Bradshaw?). Yes, leaves. She runs away and gets to Jersey! It's only when her toddler starts choking that she turns around.

She is a walking contradiction. She appears intelligent and makes the worst decisions. She boasts of her love for her kids but is willing to leave over a bad reveiw by her husband? She constantly morns her status as a mom and the loss of identity it entails but no one told her to have kids. If you are so unhappy and so flustered with being an at home mom go to work. Hey tell your husband to do the same while your at it. Oh, and while your daughter is having her 6th birthday in your crap hole apartment don't sit in the hallway to blog!

The reason this movie pissed me off I think is because some people will look at it and judge real motherhood by it. Sure some moms are as incompetent as the main character but I like to think they are the minority.

While some of us don't get to shower until mid-afternoon when the kids go down for a nap we don't walk around in a nightgown (as Eliza did). Moms often forfeit their wants and needs for the family but we do it often out of love and less often out of obligation. I wouldn't complain I have no time to do things if I find time to shop, blog, go to play dates, hang out with delivery people and not even attempt to clean.

It actually took me over an hour to blog this post because in that time I had to answer calls, make breakfast, take out the dogs, dress D and brush her hair and teeth and when I am done with the post I will go clean so I can make a play date by 11. Like I said this movie offended me. I wished Eliza would have kept the pacifier from the promo picture in her mouth the whole time and maybe it would have been better.

Motherhood isn't a burden. It's the hardest job you will ever love but it is not a burden and if you feel it is more of a burden then a blessing you are a shitty mom. Enough said.

The Holiday Buzz is Messing Up my Brain!

Yesterday was one of those "frazzled" days. I lost my wedding ring as I was putting it on. After a search I located it inside my diet coke can. I wish I could blame the baby but this one was all me. I also developed a case of schizophrenia because not only did I think either the kids or dogs were stealing candy canes off my tree but I also sniffed all their mouths and searched the house for the missing candy canes. Apart from taking the remaining candy canes off the tree to inventory just how many have gone missing there was little I could do. James assured me they were all on the tree and all I can do is hope they aren't because I would have looked like an insane Candy Can Nazi for nothing. Any who...

Every year in early November I get this "Holiday Buzz". My head is filled with ideas about all the holiday crafts I will be doing with the kids, notions of all the intellectually enriching activities we will take part in during the breaks from school and visions of the family smiling as we hug each other with hot coco in our hands singing carols by the tree as snow gently falls outside. Ok, the fact that I am in FLORIDA and have never seen snow should be the first clue that my holiday buzz is a warped delusion and is going to fizzle out.

Well, today is December 1st. Sure we had some fun during the Thanksgiving but I didn't even get to one craft with the kids nor did I even finish any of the projects I started myself. Knowing that I barely have time to read a book unless I am hiding in the bathroom especially with D running around should have have given me a clue that yet again I am letting my ideas exceed my abilities. So with this in mind why did I decide to hand make every one's gifts this year? I have not 1, not 2, but 3 scrapbook calendars to put together! 2 blankets to make! A jewelery set to create! Several hair bows to make! A hat and matching scarf to knit! 2 sets of gloves to knit! You know what I have gotten completed so far? NOTHING! EEK!!!

I'm trying not to panic but in my over zealous delusional "Holiday Buzz" I bought the supplies for all this crap well over a month ago so now I'm committed. I can see the plans of fun outings during the holiday break slipping away. I envision me hunched over my dining room table with fabric, cutting boards and glue guns sprawled all over the counters as my kids complain of boredom but I can't stop or else someone one will be missing a Christmas gift.

Why do I do this to myself? I do it all the time. At holidays, birthdays, you name it. I get these ideas and a misconceived notion that I am supermom and can do it all with ease all the while finally getting D potty trained...and it never works out that way. Yet in spite of this I never fail to try again.

Albert Einstein "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". It's times like this that I replay that quote over and over in my head. Maybe I am insane but at least I can say it is with the best of intentions.

Thanksgiving weekend.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I was super busy with the kids being home all week but we had a lot of fun.

We had a Just Dance 2 and Just Dance Kids house party. Yes, I had 2 separate parties and I will tell you that even though the game is a lot of fun, it is also a hell of a work out. I was sore for days. Now this may be proof that the game gets you moving or proof I am out of shape. I'll let you be the judge.

Yest adults and kids got their groove on. It was hysterical.

I took the kids to Airheads Trampoline Arena to bounce. It's the most overpriced activity but I got a good deal from Groupon so I took them and they had a lot of fun.

Before Bouncing...

And after. Look how sweaty she is.

And I took the girls to the zoo once Adrian went back to his Other Mother since he is apparently too cool for the zoo now.

B & D

 

B feeding the birds. D tried but she kept wanting to pour the nectar down their throats like they were drinking out of a cup instead of letting them drink it themselves so that didn't go over too well.

And we had Thanksgiving at my moms. She had so much food that I was almost pissed. I couldn't possibly get it all on my plate so I planned to make a second trip but was so stuffed after the first I never made it back. I did get a bag full of leftovers which I just finished off yesterday. She also rented a bouncer for the kids. What an awesome idea that was. They were so entertained. Except my kids bounced so much they couldn't eat. Oh well, more for us!



And to kick of the Christmas season I let my friends talk me into going to Toys R Us at 10pm Thanksgiving night. The line was a mile long and it was crazy, but we had fun. And since I was in the holiday spirit from the Black Friday stampede we even put up the Christmas Tree! It's the first real tree we've ever had.

And that's my weekend. Not a lot else going on. The kids are now back at school for the next 3 weeks and I am trying to get back into a routine. It only takes a week to throw me off.

Oh and don't forget about my post Help Me Help a Cause You Care About, Giveaway where I am trying to get people to help me use my own money to donate to a worthy cause.



Special Needs Kids Are Screwed at Report Card Time

So this has bothered me for a long time and with report cards having just been sent home it is bugging me again. It;s like the monster that comes home every 9 weeks to torment my family.

My daughter is special needs. She is in special classes but even though she has learning disabilities and doesn't learn like the typical child she still tries very hard. She had perfect conduct this time but her grades were pretty low (as usual).
Here is what irks me. For special needs kids they already struggle but when it comes to grades, they have a very hard time making all A's and B's so High Honor Roll and Honor Roll are practically unattainable for them. The standards and scales used to grade them are completely messed up.

After reviewing her report card regardless of academic grades we ask "Did you try your best?" and if she says yes we tell her we are proud of her. But we put also put a higher value on conduct. We always say that you can't always control what you understand but you control the way you behave. But honestly for her this isn't always true.

And as for conduct if you get teachers that don't understand that often special needs children have other issues or side effects of their condition the report cards could tell the story of a child who not only isn't learning but also has behavioral issues.
My child forgets things. It's hard for her to be prepared for class when her mind just doesn't let her remember all the things asked of her. Also she can't help shouting answers. It's not that she doesn't want to practice self control but she is on medication for impulsivness and when she experiences extreme emotions has a hard time not having mild outbursts. She can't keep her hands to herself because she has sensory issues and relies on touch to convey feelings or understand things. She wants to follow directions but her auditory processing disorder makes it hard to focus and hear what anyone says while other things are going on.
Thanks to a lot of work on my part and a new round of medications she didn't have tons of behavior indicators this time but it's the first time ever! And even if we had gotten bad marks we would have told her that it's ok and to try harder next time.  I am very proud but I am still frustrated at the lack of acknowledgement of these kids needs.

In each report card we get fliers offering freebies and discounts for kids with good grades. We basically throw these out because no matter how hard B tries she just won't have the grades to get a free ice cream or movie pass or kids meal. It's so discouraging for her.

And I HATE acting like grades aren't that important with her when my son knows that he better not bring anything below a C home. And this time when he got almost all A's we had to wait until she wasn't around before we could make a big fuss over how proud we were so B didn't feel bad. And if A has marks in conduct, of course we tell him to do better next time but usually he is is scolded and depending on the problem punished.

Having such drastic double standards is confusing for the kids and exhausting for me and James. I hate to blame the schools but they don't make this very easy on the kids or parents and I know I'm not the only parent with these issues.

Why aren't schools able to handle these kids better? Why is the grading and even FCAT process so screwed up? I wish schools would get a clue but that probably won't happen so like many parents in this situation I am looking into schools for special need children. Often these schools cost a big hunk of change. It's not fair that my special needs child can't get the same benefits from public school that every child is entitled to. She isn't severe enough to qualify for the counties special schools which are free yet she is severe enough to not get the attention and education she deserves from the regular schools. Why there is no place for these mid-line kids is beyond me.

So this Friday she will sit in a crowd with her schoolmates and watch as children on Honor Roll receive awards and kudos and accolades for their accomplishments. The one good thing is that unlike me she is good natured enough to just be happy for them and not bitter for the position she is in. Sometimes I envy her. I don't know what I would do with a heart as kind, warm and loving as hers but if everyone had one the world would be a much better place.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, today is my birthday. I am... 29!!! This is the last year of me being in my 20s and I am not too thrilled about that but what can you do?

I didn't really tell anyone today was my birthday prior to today for a few reasons.
1. If people know it's your birthday they may try to make a big deal out of it.
2. If people know it's your birthday and they don't do anything about it you feel like crap.
3. If you tell everyone the day of your birthday that it's your birthday then they don't feel obligated to do much for you except wish you a happy birthday and you can't be mad if anyone forgot it since you didn't bring it up.

I know it's juvenile but really my husband and my mom are the only people who have never forgotten my birthday so each year it's also like a game to see who will remember on their own. My dad has birthday dyslexia and even though he called me this morning to say happy birthday he usually calls on the 7th or the 9th. I don't know why but it's always a day off.

We aren't really doing anything for my birthday. Yesterday we left the kids with my dad so we could go to Cracker Barrel (I am obsessed with their home style fried chicken on Sundays) and to see the movie RED (which was pretty good), and then did some Christmas shopping. Do I know how to party or what?

Today I will be hanging out at the house since I have no plans and will spend my first day as a 29 year old cleaning. I am a party animal!!!

That's about it. Oh, I did get a pretty cute card from B. She made it herself from her and the family. Check it out:

It is supposed to read: Happy Birthday. Love, Your kids, Boyfriend James, B, D and A.

I asked why she called daddy my boyfriend and she said she didn't know how to spell husband. I asked why she didn't just say daddy and she said she didn't want me to think it was from her Abuello (my dad).

Well, there is a bit of logic to that. LOL.

She copied this from a High School Musical birthday card she was given.  This is supposed to say:

Today is the day. The scene has been set for a blockbuster birthday so step into the spotlight, it's your day to shine. Mom. She got a lot of points for thinking of copying a card. I thought it was cute.

And the back of the card once again let's me know that it's for me (twice) and it's from my kids and boyfriend. This card is totally being scrapbooked! 

1 year since the scariest time of my life

Last year D got sick. On Halloween night she was really bad. By the next morning we were rushing her to the hospital. The prognosis wasn't good. She had MRSA, a potentially fatal infection and she had it bad.

It was so hard for me to think that a baby I was pushing on a swing a week before was now lying in a bed in a hospital literally fighting for her life against this infection.

But after a weeks stay and surgery D was on the road to recovery and was able to come home.

There was a time that I honestly didn't think that in one year she would still be with us. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever dealt with. But thanks to the doctors at St. Josephs Hospital and God we still have her and she is happy and healthy.

We still deal with MRSA and she has outbreaks. Some have been very bad and she has needed other operations and treatments but none has been as bad as the one a year ago.

So this November I am thankful for my friends prayers, love and support and I am thankful that my family is still together and healthy and I pray we stay that way.

So much has been going on... But Happy Late Halloween!!!

I have been so busy I haven't had a chance to think, let alone blog and I think that may be why I have felt so frazzled. So let's play a quick game of catch up...

For starters B was put on some new meds. The Vyvance didn't seem to be working how it should (the side effects were no fun either). The neurologist has put her on Concerta. We are a week in and I think it's working but I thought that last time. Keep your fingers crossed that this chill pill will hit the spot.

One of my favorite kids places closed down. It was pretty sad but D and I did end up on a news interview from it which is worth a little bit of a laugh. You can check out the written story here or view the video interview here. And of course there is a discussion going on about it on momslikeme.com you can check out here.

Well I won't bore you with every detail that has popped up but I will show off the kids since Halloween just passed.

We took the crew to Zoo Boo at Lowry Park. D actually went in all the haunted houses and ...

SO DID B!!! She's not usually into being scared but she walked through all of them and even though she shrieked several times and I still have nail marks on my hand from her gripping it so tight she said she was proud of herself for doing it, and I was pretty darn proud too.

Here we have D and Daddy. She wasn't too sure about those spider webs.

 And here is D and me. Of course I couldn't get the big kids to stand still long enough for a  photo with me in it but at least there is a picture of me. I am rarely seen in photos. I am the Yeti of the Neely family. You may catch a glimpse of me but photographic proof I exist is so rare this picture may be worth something.

While we were at Zoo Boo D decided she wanted to go on a pony ride. Since she is finally big enough to go I stood in the worlds longest line with the other kids (A didn't want to ride because apparently he is too cool be we made it sound like his sister needed him so he did it... for her of course. LOL). I am allergic to ponies, and horses (and many other things) so by the time it was our turn my throat was itching, my nose was dripping, my eyes were burning and I was sneezing and making sounds I can't even describe. Well when we got up there D decided she was terrified of the same ponies she had oohed and awed over for the last 45 minutes so I had to take her out of the line. The other kids rode at least. And between you and me I think D planned the whole thing in advance that sneaky brat!

Here are the kids at the pumpkin patch. After 50 tries this was the best shot I could get of all 3.

And here is what the did with the pumpkins... with a little help from dad. B's is the biggest, A's is the medium and D's is the little one. We actually ended up forgetting to set them out. Duh!

I had to throw in a picture of D's BFF, Karli. Sure she isn't one of mine but she was so cute dressed as a "Bat Girl".

Here is D. She was a bumble bee obviously but the funny thing is after we bought the costume she decided she wanted to be Dora the Explorer. Well we couldn't take it back and even if we could I probably wouldn't have so we told her it was a "Dora Bumble Bee". After that she wore the outfit with pride. Sucker! 

A was Leftovers. We wrapped him in aluminum foil, gave him goggles out of sauce cups, a hat in the shape of a swan and a cape made out of a Chili's To Go bag. Most kids didn't get it but the adults loved it. We actually had people stop to take pictures with him.  

B was a Queen. She doesn't get too crazy or creative. Pretty much every year is a princess, queen or fairy. She is such a girly-girl but I still love her.  

We had some friends bring their kids over to trick or treat.

Here is D the Bee, Ayla as Tinkerbell and Sleeping Beuty Maggie all being lazy and getting chauffeured from house to house. They had such a good time. Once again I couldn't get the older ones to hold still long enough for a photo.  

And that brings us to today. I am trying to free up my schedule and get back to doing things I love... like blogging and crafts.

 

 

I have to be doing something right...

Life can be funny. I once thought about working with or even fostering children with special needs.

As it turns out my own daughter is special needs. Ironically I have no idea what to do half the time with her. I just wing it. Sure we take her to different doctors and try different medicines and therapies but ultimately I have no clue what I'm doing. I just do what I think I should or what I'm told by whoever has the medical degree. A lot of it is guessing.

Today we went to the neurologist. We talked about other things we could be doing and basically we are doing everything we can at this point. I have applied for scholarships to special schools, she is in special classes and I have even changed my view on medicating kids. (Ok, maybe I haven't changed my view. I still don't like it but I do accept that sometimes you have to do it.)

So if we are doing all that there is to be done why do I feel like it's not enough?

I still have so many questions about B that haven't been answered. I still don't know what expectations of her are reasonable. I still don't know when she does things wrong if it's because of her disability or because she's a kid. I still don't know how best to discipline her in either case. I still want to smack the people that give her weird looks or roll their eyes are her or I because they don't understand why an 11 year old stops in the middle of the mall to break out into a dance. I still want to scream at the moms who think I am overbearing because I don't let her do more on her own because she is 11.

It took me a long time to just come out and say that she is special needs. It's still so weird to say it. But she is. It’s not that I am ashamed or embarrassed. I just didn't want people to treat her differently right off the bat because of a label. But at the same time if I don't give a disclaimer people just don't understand why on earth she does some of the things she does.

She has intellectual deficiencies and ADD and OCD and a few other things thrown in. I for a while like most of my family thought it was all something she would outgrow. Unfortunately unlike most of my family I have to accept that this is B. She will always have special needs and need more attention then other kids her age.

I still go over the pregnancy and small details trying to figure out what I did to make her like this. I still tell myself that I have her because, in spite of feeling like a failure sometimes, I am the exact type of person she needs in her life. Maybe I'm not supposed to be strong all the time. Maybe I'm supposed to sit up late at night and google treatments or programs, trying to get a handle on everything and crying when I can't.

But you know what is great about her? I try not to let her see me upset or crying but when she does, she comes over and hugs me. She asks if I want to talk about it. If I say no she asks if there is anything she can do to make me feel better. If I tell her nothing she still cuddles and gives me a hug and a kiss. It's when she does that that I know even if I have no clue what I am doing, I am definitely doing something right.

I put a hole in my conch.

Yeah you heard me, I put a hole in my conch. Ok, now that I made it sound dirty let me explain...

I've been down in the dumps. I was having one of my manic episodes and it's going over to the dark side... the depression side.  Thank God for good friends to help pull you out of it (or at least try very hard).

So my bff Robin knows it has been a bit of a roller coaster lately for me. D had another MRSA outbreak, B has had problems at school, and there has been various random bits of drama going on. So for medical reasons with D and a lack of desire to see anyone I was a shut-in for a while. Well now that I am going out and still down in the dumps Robin says: "You need to do something just for you. Go get your hair done."

While the idea isn't bad I just don't perk up from a hair appointment. It's probably because the stylist always screws it up and I have to come home to fix it and that just irks the hell out of me. So since I'm not a big fan of the mani/pedi either because I am to lazy and busy to go regularly to keep it up I decide to do something that always makes me feel better. I am going to get another piercing.

I love piercings. At the risk of giving TMI, I have had almost every part of my body pierced. But over time I have taken out a lot of them. Either due to medical reasons (nose ring and allergies, tongue ring and gum damage, etc) or practicality. At my age there are just some places that you don't need a barbell.

I still have my bellybutton ring, my eyebrow ring and my ears. I had 5 (3 on the lower lobe, 1 on the top cartilage and a tragus) in my left ear and 4 (3 on the lobe and 1 on the top) in my right... until today.

I decided to pierce my conch.  (I did get a little help from my momslikeme.com friends in a poll I posted about what to pierce.) 

And to mark the occasion I used this as my first video upload for the blog!!! So my video skills are lacking (and so are Robins) but we did what we could. So here you go folks. Enjoy.

Oh, and please don't anyone get flippy because we took the kids with us. We made it sound like they were alone in a lobby in the video because Robin and I are sarcastic and snotty about acting like negligent parents. They were supervised for the entire 3 minutes it took to get the piercing. I also want to add D said she wants an earring on her tongue and held out her tongue. I was so proud. But don't worry, I told her not until she is 3. And she'd have to quit smoking first.

The Racist Across the Street

There are a great many things in this world that upset me. Few however have the effect on me that intolerance does. Intolerance to people because of their religion and most especially their race makes me sick.

That being said, here is what happened...

I went to pick up B from school today and when we got home and I got out of the car with my 11 year old and 2 year old I hear the neighbor across the street yelling. I look over to see his son (who is an adult probably in his 20s I'd guess) up on the roof of their house.

These two idiots often fight and yell profanities at each other over yard work or cars or whatever. Apparently today the issue was a repair on the roof. The son, who speaks to his dad in a manner that leads me to believe there has been gross neglect in the upbringing of this guy, is yelling and dropping the "F" bomb and I am trying to usher the kids in house to avoid them having to hear to much of this when I hear "it".

The "N" word. That idiot yells it so loud that I stop dead in my tracks. I don't know what the fight was about but that man yells something to the tune of "Just like those f&@king n!##ers next door".

I stood in shock for a few seconds trying to wrap my head around this. This racist a-hole was screaming not just profanities but also saying one of the most offensive words I know. He saw my kids and I come home, he obviously doesn't care that people know he is a bigot. I got the kids inside and then fought the urge to go outside and start screaming and cursing myself. Now the question is how do I handle this?

I am sure the correct thing to do is to ignore it, but is that the right thing? He didn't break any laws (I wish being a moron was illegal but it's not). He was on his property being a jerk. I just don't feel right about letting it go. It feels like if I let it go and don't say or do anything then it makes it ok. Like watching someone being attacked and walking away. Sure you didn't do anything but isn't doing nothing just as bad? And, ok, his words weren't a physical attack but even to me it was mental abuse. That word was used to opress and enslave an entire culture an it disgusts me.

Now a funny part of this also is the neighbors dad who he was fighting with is a realtor and has been trying to get me to let him list my house. Obviously that won't be happening. I can't wait to actually find a realtor and have him approach me about why we didn't use him once a "For Sale" sign is in my yard. I will tell him that I don't condone racism in any capacity and I wouldn't let him in my house let alone try to sell it.

This is just driving me crazy. What can I do? What should I do? I don't know if I have it in me to say and do nothing. But I guess that's a good thing. It's the people who can't walk away that will stand up when things aren't right and do something to fix them. The question now is what to do?

Not knowing how to help hurts my heart.

I am having a really hard time today.

It started last night when I took B and D out to eat. B is a special needs child. She has developmental delays and behaves much more like a very immature 7 year old then an 11 year old. She tends to get worked up easy and forget things and gets confused often.

We went to a pizza place that has an arcade since her school was doing a fundraiser there. I gave B 4 quarters at a time and told her play games and come back to check in to get more when she was done. She was doing fine. When the food came she inhaled it so she could go play some more. I gave her more quarters and told her to check back in.

I took my time eating, Devan ate, the check came, I gave the server my card, he brought it back along with a to-go box, I signed the slip, packed up the leftover food, he brought me a soda in a to-go cup, I got Devan cleaned up, got my stuff together and started looking for B. At this point she had been gone at least 30 minutes. Now where we were located she couldn't leave and not get past me but still I feel a small knot of worry form in the pit of my stomach.

I had to use the restroom but I didnt' want to leave the table because I thought if she came back and they were cleaning up the table without me there she may panic so I waited. Finally I got up and went to look in the arcade... no B. I went into the ladies restroom... no B. I looked around the restaurant... no B. I checked the arcade again... NO B!

At this point the knot is my stomach is growing so I go back and check the ladies restroom. When I didn't find her I thought of how she tends to get mixed up and decided to stick my head in the men's restroom just in case but still no B. The knot is getting tighter. The restaurant is not that big and I couldn't find her.

I ask a server to check the kitchen in case she wondered back there. He came back quickly saying no one had seen a girl go back there. I asked about where the exits were. Since he said no one had gone through the kitchen that only left the main door and the patio to leave through both of which meant she had to pass me to get to so it was a long shot but at this point I am desperate. I checked the patio but she wasn't there.

I went up to the hostess and described my daughter and told her she is special needs and if she sees her stop her from going anywhere. I then started searching for any of B's friends so they could help but I didn't see any. Finally I noticed someone who looked slightly familiar in the arcade leaning against the glass. I go in the arcade and there is B... standing between 2 video games where it was impossible to see her!

The knot of worry relaxed... but only for a moment. Now that I knew she was alright I was pissed off! Here I am searching for her, dragging a struggling toddler around looking for her, and a heartbeat away from having my bladder explode.

I asked her what she was doing and she said "Playing with my friends".
I asked her if she knew she was supposed to check in and she said "yes".

It's not that she didn't know she needed to check in. Now the problem is did she disobey the check in rule because it slipped her mind due to her  issues remembering and following directions or was she being a normal 11 year old who just lost track of time or didn't care to check in.

As I ask her questions trying to determine this it gets clear that I won't find out. B tells you whatever you want to hear, so when I asked sarcastically "Where you trying to get me upset?" she says "yes". Now how do you handle that?!?!

We have spent years and countless hours and dollars trying to find out exactly what is wrong with B. We know she doesn't learn the way other kids do. But we have yet to get a specific diagnosis. We have been told "mentally deficient", "intellectually challenged" and "mentally challenged". It all comes down to MR (Mental Retardation) which is the extremely broad label and offensive to boot!

The neurologist has ruled out several things... like walking seizures and several chromosome disorders and malformations of the brain. (And let me tell you this junk is expensive even with insurance.) Basically it's harder to test for something then it is to just rule out things. We are still going through tests. Right now the doctor is trying to treat her symptoms because you can't really treat the cause.

She is currently on ADHD medicine (which we call her Chill Pill) because it was supposed to help with self control and focus. Let me say that after 2 months on it... I don't think it's working. It seemed to be at first but I don't see much improvement.

The hardest part of all this is how I handle it. I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to discipline her because I never know what is a result of her disability or what is her just being a kid. I don't know how to help her. I fee like I smother her in an effort to help and protect her and then I try to back off but when I do something always happens to make me feel like I shouldn't have given her such leeway.

I wish the doctor could just tell me what I should do for her. What should expect of her? What should I not expect? I told James at the next doctor appointment these are the things we have to find out or else we need a new doctor. I feel like I am failing her and it hurts my heart. And that is why I am having such a bad day. Because even though I love her with all my heart I still feel helpless when it comes to her. It's heart breaking.

As a mom we feel like we should have all the answers and when we don't we feel like failures. We realize we set expectations of ourselves unreasonably high but we still do it and when we fall short we beat ourselves up about it. And yet we never allow ourselves to lower the bar. Not when it comes to our children. And maybe that's a good thing. As long as we expect to have all the answers and always get it right we will continue to strive for perfection. Yeah, we will probably never make it but we will be amazing parents in the attempt.

No Sew Knotted Fleece How-To

I have been in a crafty kind of mood and since at some point this Florida heat will make way for the chilly winter (or at least I think it will) I have been wanting to make blankets.

Since so many of my friends kids have birthdays coming up I figured a cute little blanker would be the perfect thing to make for their gift. Plus what kid doesn't love a snuggly blanket?

Biggest problem tough is... D! As I was buying the fleece she was so excited. She just kept saying "Oh my new manket!", "Thank you momma", "I got a manket". (By the way manket is what D calls blankets). I explained that these were gifts but either she decided to act like she didn't understand or maybe she honestly didn't because she just kept squealing with delight over her new mankets.

So to keep the peace of my home and avoid a meltdown I got fleece for her own blanket too. Sine I haven't made one of these since last winter I figured a test run on D's wouldn't be the worst idea either so I made her a Curious George blanket.

I tried to get her away from the blanket long enough for me to take a picture of it but that wasn't happening so she is in all the shots.

Here is D and her manket oh, and her Curious George doll:

 Tucking George in:

 Tucking herself in with George:

So if you were wondering how to make this blanket it is super easy.

How to make a No Sew Knotted Fleece Blanket:

You will need:

-2 Panels of Fleece (I like one printed and one solid but you can get creative). Fleece is usually sold on 48inch wide bolts of fabric so I get 48x60 inches. Since you have to cut and tie your finished blanket will be about 6-8 inches less then the original measurements.

-Scissors (Be sure to get a long bladed good pair)

1. Take both pieces of fleece and lay them stacked on a large flat surface. I usually use my living room floor. (Be sure to vacuum first since fleece can be kinda grabby if you have pet hair.)
2. Take the scissors and cute as straight as you can around the edge of the fleece pieces so that both layers are even.
3. Take the scissors and starting in one corner make a straight cut about 4 inches into the blanket.
4. Move over about an inch and make another 4 inch cut. Repeat around the entire blanket. You can make your cuts longer or wider depending on how you want your blanket to look.
5. Once the blanket is cut all the way around (the corners will look like squares were cut out) you can begin to tie.
6. Move around  your blanket and tie the cuts on the top layer and the bottom layer together with a double-knot. (See picture below.)
7. That's it. You blanket it done. This entire project usually takes me about an hour and since it takes up a lot of space I have to squeeze it in while the baby is napping but it is really fast and very snuggly and cute.

If you want more information on this project just let me know.