Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Racist Across the Street

There are a great many things in this world that upset me. Few however have the effect on me that intolerance does. Intolerance to people because of their religion and most especially their race makes me sick.

That being said, here is what happened...

I went to pick up B from school today and when we got home and I got out of the car with my 11 year old and 2 year old I hear the neighbor across the street yelling. I look over to see his son (who is an adult probably in his 20s I'd guess) up on the roof of their house.

These two idiots often fight and yell profanities at each other over yard work or cars or whatever. Apparently today the issue was a repair on the roof. The son, who speaks to his dad in a manner that leads me to believe there has been gross neglect in the upbringing of this guy, is yelling and dropping the "F" bomb and I am trying to usher the kids in house to avoid them having to hear to much of this when I hear "it".

The "N" word. That idiot yells it so loud that I stop dead in my tracks. I don't know what the fight was about but that man yells something to the tune of "Just like those f&@king n!##ers next door".

I stood in shock for a few seconds trying to wrap my head around this. This racist a-hole was screaming not just profanities but also saying one of the most offensive words I know. He saw my kids and I come home, he obviously doesn't care that people know he is a bigot. I got the kids inside and then fought the urge to go outside and start screaming and cursing myself. Now the question is how do I handle this?

I am sure the correct thing to do is to ignore it, but is that the right thing? He didn't break any laws (I wish being a moron was illegal but it's not). He was on his property being a jerk. I just don't feel right about letting it go. It feels like if I let it go and don't say or do anything then it makes it ok. Like watching someone being attacked and walking away. Sure you didn't do anything but isn't doing nothing just as bad? And, ok, his words weren't a physical attack but even to me it was mental abuse. That word was used to opress and enslave an entire culture an it disgusts me.

Now a funny part of this also is the neighbors dad who he was fighting with is a realtor and has been trying to get me to let him list my house. Obviously that won't be happening. I can't wait to actually find a realtor and have him approach me about why we didn't use him once a "For Sale" sign is in my yard. I will tell him that I don't condone racism in any capacity and I wouldn't let him in my house let alone try to sell it.

This is just driving me crazy. What can I do? What should I do? I don't know if I have it in me to say and do nothing. But I guess that's a good thing. It's the people who can't walk away that will stand up when things aren't right and do something to fix them. The question now is what to do?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Not knowing how to help hurts my heart.

I am having a really hard time today.

It started last night when I took B and D out to eat. B is a special needs child. She has developmental delays and behaves much more like a very immature 7 year old then an 11 year old. She tends to get worked up easy and forget things and gets confused often.

We went to a pizza place that has an arcade since her school was doing a fundraiser there. I gave B 4 quarters at a time and told her play games and come back to check in to get more when she was done. She was doing fine. When the food came she inhaled it so she could go play some more. I gave her more quarters and told her to check back in.

I took my time eating, Devan ate, the check came, I gave the server my card, he brought it back along with a to-go box, I signed the slip, packed up the leftover food, he brought me a soda in a to-go cup, I got Devan cleaned up, got my stuff together and started looking for B. At this point she had been gone at least 30 minutes. Now where we were located she couldn't leave and not get past me but still I feel a small knot of worry form in the pit of my stomach.

I had to use the restroom but I didnt' want to leave the table because I thought if she came back and they were cleaning up the table without me there she may panic so I waited. Finally I got up and went to look in the arcade... no B. I went into the ladies restroom... no B. I looked around the restaurant... no B. I checked the arcade again... NO B!

At this point the knot is my stomach is growing so I go back and check the ladies restroom. When I didn't find her I thought of how she tends to get mixed up and decided to stick my head in the men's restroom just in case but still no B. The knot is getting tighter. The restaurant is not that big and I couldn't find her.

I ask a server to check the kitchen in case she wondered back there. He came back quickly saying no one had seen a girl go back there. I asked about where the exits were. Since he said no one had gone through the kitchen that only left the main door and the patio to leave through both of which meant she had to pass me to get to so it was a long shot but at this point I am desperate. I checked the patio but she wasn't there.

I went up to the hostess and described my daughter and told her she is special needs and if she sees her stop her from going anywhere. I then started searching for any of B's friends so they could help but I didn't see any. Finally I noticed someone who looked slightly familiar in the arcade leaning against the glass. I go in the arcade and there is B... standing between 2 video games where it was impossible to see her!

The knot of worry relaxed... but only for a moment. Now that I knew she was alright I was pissed off! Here I am searching for her, dragging a struggling toddler around looking for her, and a heartbeat away from having my bladder explode.

I asked her what she was doing and she said "Playing with my friends".
I asked her if she knew she was supposed to check in and she said "yes".

It's not that she didn't know she needed to check in. Now the problem is did she disobey the check in rule because it slipped her mind due to her  issues remembering and following directions or was she being a normal 11 year old who just lost track of time or didn't care to check in.

As I ask her questions trying to determine this it gets clear that I won't find out. B tells you whatever you want to hear, so when I asked sarcastically "Where you trying to get me upset?" she says "yes". Now how do you handle that?!?!

We have spent years and countless hours and dollars trying to find out exactly what is wrong with B. We know she doesn't learn the way other kids do. But we have yet to get a specific diagnosis. We have been told "mentally deficient", "intellectually challenged" and "mentally challenged". It all comes down to MR (Mental Retardation) which is the extremely broad label and offensive to boot!

The neurologist has ruled out several things... like walking seizures and several chromosome disorders and malformations of the brain. (And let me tell you this junk is expensive even with insurance.) Basically it's harder to test for something then it is to just rule out things. We are still going through tests. Right now the doctor is trying to treat her symptoms because you can't really treat the cause.

She is currently on ADHD medicine (which we call her Chill Pill) because it was supposed to help with self control and focus. Let me say that after 2 months on it... I don't think it's working. It seemed to be at first but I don't see much improvement.

The hardest part of all this is how I handle it. I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to discipline her because I never know what is a result of her disability or what is her just being a kid. I don't know how to help her. I fee like I smother her in an effort to help and protect her and then I try to back off but when I do something always happens to make me feel like I shouldn't have given her such leeway.

I wish the doctor could just tell me what I should do for her. What should expect of her? What should I not expect? I told James at the next doctor appointment these are the things we have to find out or else we need a new doctor. I feel like I am failing her and it hurts my heart. And that is why I am having such a bad day. Because even though I love her with all my heart I still feel helpless when it comes to her. It's heart breaking.

As a mom we feel like we should have all the answers and when we don't we feel like failures. We realize we set expectations of ourselves unreasonably high but we still do it and when we fall short we beat ourselves up about it. And yet we never allow ourselves to lower the bar. Not when it comes to our children. And maybe that's a good thing. As long as we expect to have all the answers and always get it right we will continue to strive for perfection. Yeah, we will probably never make it but we will be amazing parents in the attempt.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

No Sew Knotted Fleece How-To

I have been in a crafty kind of mood and since at some point this Florida heat will make way for the chilly winter (or at least I think it will) I have been wanting to make blankets.

Since so many of my friends kids have birthdays coming up I figured a cute little blanker would be the perfect thing to make for their gift. Plus what kid doesn't love a snuggly blanket?

Biggest problem tough is... D! As I was buying the fleece she was so excited. She just kept saying "Oh my new manket!", "Thank you momma", "I got a manket". (By the way manket is what D calls blankets). I explained that these were gifts but either she decided to act like she didn't understand or maybe she honestly didn't because she just kept squealing with delight over her new mankets.

So to keep the peace of my home and avoid a meltdown I got fleece for her own blanket too. Sine I haven't made one of these since last winter I figured a test run on D's wouldn't be the worst idea either so I made her a Curious George blanket.

I tried to get her away from the blanket long enough for me to take a picture of it but that wasn't happening so she is in all the shots.

Here is D and her manket oh, and her Curious George doll:

 Tucking George in:

 Tucking herself in with George:

So if you were wondering how to make this blanket it is super easy.

How to make a No Sew Knotted Fleece Blanket:

You will need:
-2 Panels of Fleece (I like one printed and one solid but you can get creative). Fleece is usually sold on 48inch wide bolts of fabric so I get 48x60 inches. Since you have to cut and tie your finished blanket will be about 6-8 inches less then the original measurements.
-Scissors (Be sure to get a long bladed good pair)

  1. Take both pieces of fleece and lay them stacked on a large flat surface. I usually use my living room floor. (Be sure to vacuum first since fleece can be kinda grabby if you have pet hair.)
  2. Take the scissors and cute as straight as you can around the edge of the fleece pieces so that both layers are even.
  3. Take the scissors and starting in one corner make a straight cut about 4 inches into the blanket.
  4. Move over about an inch and make another 4 inch cut. Repeat around the entire blanket. You can make your cuts longer or wider depending on how you want your blanket to look.
  5. Once the blanket is cut all the way around (the corners will look like squares were cut out) you can begin to tie.
  6. Move around  your blanket and tie the cuts on the top layer and the bottom layer together with a double-knot. (See picture below.)
  7. That's it. You blanket it done. This entire project usually takes me about an hour and since it takes up a lot of space I have to squeeze it in while the baby is napping but it is really fast and very snuggly and cute.

If you want more information on this project just let me know.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Don't Give Up!

This weekend I was pretty sick but I still drug my butt to A's football game. I'm not one of those crazy sports moms. But my view with sports or anything else in life is this:

Anything worth doing is worth doing to the best of your ability.

I have stressed this to the kids for years saying "You don't have to be the best, but you have to try your best". This emphasizes that you don't always have to win. It helps them realize the importance of doing your best for your team who is depending on you. It goes back to the saying "It's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game." Playing fair is important but knowing you did your best is vital.

When A walks off the field after a loss (which is every week since is team loses every time) we discuss the game and what he thought he did well and what he thinks he needs to improve. We don't blame the team for the loss because it is up to everyone to try their best. That means the players and coaches. If every single person does the best they can and your team still lost then you can't be upset. The other team was better and deserved the win. Why should you be mad if you walk off the field knowing you gave 100% the whole time? Who could ask for more? Unfortunately the players and coaches do not do their best every time. That is why I tell A he has to. He has to be the example and make not just us, but also himself proud with his effort.

With all that being said Saturday during the game a play was made. The opposing team got the ball and this little round kid took off for the end zone. A was running after him for the tackle and he was running as fast as he could when you saw his helmet turn to the right where he noticed a teammate running after the kid with the ball. It was very noticeable that A "gave up". When he saw the other kid was just as close as he was, if not closer he slowed it down to a jog.

Now some people may say he was tired but I know how my son looks when he is tired. He may slow down but his fists are still pumping with effort. In A 's case Saturday he just stopped trying. His fists unclenched and he quit trying!!! To both his father and I that was the moment he lost the game.

So when he got off the field after another loss and came over to us everyone gave him the "you can't win them alls" and "you'll do better next times"  I bent down face to face with him and said "I will tell you one thing... If I ever see you give up when you are running again the only thing you will have to worry about is running from me."

He knew exactly what I was talking about and he said he was sorry and that was pretty much the end of it... except since grandparents joined us at the game they heard my comment to A . Now A  and anyone who actually knows me knows that it was a benign comment made to prove the point. But Grandma got so upset. She stormed off while complaining and bitching about the comments I made.

As normal I am sorry if something I did upset anyone but I am not sorry about what I said. I said it because I meant it. I know that between that Grandma may have been overly upset due to her not feeling good and sitting in the heat but he's my son and I will say what I want to him. She is entitled to her opinion and has every right in the world to disagree with me I just don't like the display she made of it in front of the kids but if she thought her reaction was appropriate then she had a right to it just like I had a right to my comments.

I try not to be too hard on the kids with competitions but being the daughter of a coach and having coached myself for years I treated A just like I would have any other kid on my team. The biggest difference was he rode home in my car and we left the game at the field and laughed and joked the whole way home with him knowing that next time he will try his best.... or be ready to run from momma! LOL.

Oh, and here is my hunky little man in uniform:

Friday, September 17, 2010

Coughing and Doctors and Skates Oh My!

It is a fact that I am well aware of. When I begin to get sick I am in a bad mood. I can't really help it. I get all angry because I know what is going to happen. I will feel like crap, no one will help around the house so I will continue to do everything while feeling sick. Since I don't get to rest it takes me much longer to get over being sick and between the lack of rest and illness my bad mood increases. It's a vicious cycle and it has been going on for the last 4 days getting progressively worse with each passing day.

So yesterday after walking around on eggshells all week James offers to stay home so I can rest. I accept the offer with the ridiculous belief that I can just stay in bed all day and rest and relax. (I know many moms are laughing about this.)

He takes B to school and comes home. During the time he is gone D wakes up so I go and cook her a fried egg and toast for breakfast. He gets back as I am finishing up. Once everyone is fed I go back into the room but I can't rest. I can't turn off my head.

I keep having my "to-do" list pop into my head as a reminder that as I am laying in bed all the things I needed to get done today are piling up and will start to invade my agenda for tomorrow. This makes me even more angry. Finally I can't take it. I go into Devan's room to at least pick up some of the things on her floor because I know if I don't keep the room at least remotely clean she will take it as a green light to trash it completely.

When I walk in her room James is laying covered up on the bed and she is wreaking havoc on the place. This pisses me off. I could have laid on the bed in her room and let her run amuck. What was the point of him staying home for that?!?!? I do realize in his mind he was helping. I just wish he realized how in my mind he wasn't. 

So after I make a couple negative statements I go and scrub the bathtub so I can soak and hopefully the heat will break up this chest funk I have going on. (And FYI I have to scrub the tub anytime I soak in it. It's part of my OCD/phobias.) After the bath I feel a little better and go to check on James and D who are still doing nothing. So after a few more nasty comments by me I go lay down. I then hear some movement in the kitchen.

Well spank my tushy and call me Sally!!! James is vacuuming! And just when I thought the world couldn't invert any further he breaks out the swiffer and does the floors in the kitchen too! So even though it sucks I have to be knocking on deaths door and throwing hissy fits he does help and I apologize. Just for the record I have a very hard time saying I am sorry to James so this was pretty big of me. My apology was accepted with a lot less fanfare then I had anticipated and wasn't complete until he made some comments about how we both have to work full time so we need to help. I resisted the urge to offer to go into his work and make a few sales calls for a few hours in exchange for him taking care of the house and kids for a few days around the clock.

So anyway he did what he thought he should and I am thankful. So we went to pick up B from school and go take Dev to the pediatricians for her 2 year shots and check up. I still felt like crap but I always feel like I have to be there for these things since James can't tell the doctor how many ounces of juice she drinks or how many diapers she soils, etc, so we all went together.

Here is a photo of D with Daddy before the shot:

And here is D after the shot.
 Even the lollipop didn't take away the sting but by the time we packed up and walked out the door she was fine and asking for ice cream and Dora.

After the doctor we went home. From there James took D to Adrian's football practice and because I had promised B weeks ago she could go... I drug my sick butt to the skating rink for a School Skate Party. Nothing makes you feel better like Justin Bieber songs, roller skates and  100 screaming tweens. Just what the doctor ordered.

Oh, while I was at the rink my mom called about my blog post Momma Drama (again).  Apparently she was surprised by the post because she didn't realize anything had happened. I told her honestly that I don't see how she couldn't have realized it was rude or it upset me and she said she didn't and apologized a couple times saying she thought we were joking with each other. I don't know if I believe her but I want to so I will take the apology and file this one under "misunderstanding". I want to be very clear here. I love my mother dearly. I may blog about the crappy things she says or does but it doesn't change that fact that I love her.  I don't always agree with her (well actually I almost never agree with her) and I know she loves all my kids (even though B is the favorite and that sucks for everyone but B) and I will probably always forgive her regardless of what she does. I do this because I love her and I believe in karma and I hope that when my kids are older and I piss them off for whatever reason karma comes around and they forgive me too.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I finally got my flowers

Anyone that read my No flower, No Lovin'! post will know that I have been practically begging for flowers from my husband but I finally gave up because I just stopped caring. Well, hubby did finally get me some flowers. But I just don't care. I know some people may think I am a hypocrite but there is nothing in this world he would have to ask for that he wouldn't get pretty quickly but to prove a point to me he refused to get me them until I stopped wanting them.
That is the dumbest reason I have ever heard not to do something for someone. How would he feel id he asked em to do something that meant a lot to him and I said no because "He would be expecting it" or "He asked for it" yadda, yadda, yadda.
I am not a child that needs taught a lesson. I am his wife, I clean his house, cook his meals, care for his kids and all I wanted were flowers to just acknowledge that he cared about all that. I know he appreciates the things I do but I also know he takes it for granted pretty often. If flowers were the one thing I needed to feel better then whey not just go grab me some daisy's when I first mentioned it. I can't help but feel he turned this into a power struggle that in his mind he won. In my mind I am a little hurt.
Well, here are the flowers. They are pretty and nice but they just don't mean as much now as they could have weeks ago. But I can't say that to him, lord only know if I would ever see some again. 
He grabbed them on the way home and I cut and put them in a vase myself.
 It's not like they cost much (under $10) so why couldn't he have just done this before? 

And for those of you who may be wondering if he finally got some lovin... He did get some lovin prior to me getting the flowers. I figured why am I punishing myself?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I Remember 9/11

Yesterday was September 11th. A day that years ago changed the way I looked at everything. Since 9/11/01 I have been slightly nervous when going to any type of event, function or location  that is high profile or highly populated. I now look at any place being a potential target. I won't even go the the MacDill Air Force Show which was something I once loved. I had always wanted to visit India and Ireland and many other places but I am terrified of flying, terrified of hijackers and terrorists.

I tell myself that being scared is exactly the one thing I should not be. It is the one way the terrorist of the world will continue to win. But despite this I can't help it.

I remember the lump in the pit of my stomach when I heard that a plane had struck one of the Twin Towers in New York and how that lump vanished and left a hollow pit of fear when I listened to broadcasters announce that another plane had struck the other tower. I felt my stomach heaving and with sobs before I even realized I had started crying.

I remember trying to make calls and the phones weren't going through. I held the hand of coworkers and cried when the towers fell. I recall feeling guilty when I thought to myself "Thank God we aren't in New York". I prayed for everyone in New York and for everyone in the pentagon and I mourned the passengers that became hero's on Flight 93. I prayed for our country.

I felt such an overwhelming combination of hope, despair, anger and pride when I saw footage of police, firefighters and civilians searching through rubble for any signs of life, or memorials for the people who's lives were lost.

The days following the attacks we saw the American Flag being flown like never before. It was like a beacon of hope during this frightening time and you couldn't go anywhere without Old Glory waving at you as if it was saying "I am here. I will always be here. You aren't alone." It gave me chills and still does when I think of it. Suddenly we really became "One Nation under God". We were all brothers. People shook hands with officers they met on the street. They waved at firefighters and EMTs. They saluted soldiers. I remember thinking that maybe in the wake of this tragedy things will get better and these lives weren't lost in vane.

But as the years have gone by I see the flag less and less. I see idiots posting on facebook about hating police because they got ticketed for speeding. I  read article after article about "God" being taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance or the National Anthem not being played. My heart aches each time.

I am not an overly religious person. I don't go to church. I don't think not being a "Christian" is a ticket to hell. I believe everyone has a right to believe and practice whatever faith they choose as long as it is in PEACE. But wars have been fought and people have died for this their beliefs. This country has many lives defending and protecting our beliefs. This is a country that was built under the belief that we are One Nation Under God. You don't have to even agree with that to live here! How amazing of a country do we have when we accept and embrace people who don't even agree with the the principles we built this nation on!?!? I have to say that is pretty incredible.

So I guess what I am saying is don't wait until we are attacked to be a patriot. Don't wait until a memorial to remember things that we should never forget. Be grateful every day for your freedom and be proud that we have people who will defend that right and protect us even at the cost of their own lives. Be thankful to the heroes you meet every day. Those people may be Law Enforcement Officers, Firefighters, Emergency Medical Techs Soldiers or even the brave citizen on the street that runs into danger to help when others run away. And be grateful every day for your blessings no matter how small they may seem. Each breath you take is a blessing if you look at it that way.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Obsess much?

Well yes actually I do. I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). This problem can manifest its self in many forms. Some times it is actually productive like my need to sweep, mop and vacuum my entire house daily. Other times it's debilitating  and inconvenient like when I have to count steps if I go into a movie or other event after it starts. My poor friend Kathryn had to witness and deal with this one first hand and she dealt with it so patiently (major hugs and kisses to her). And sometime it is just insane. I have sprained and broken my own fingers because I have to have things even and symmetrical so if I crack on finger the other has to crack and I will pull, bend, tug and mess with it until it does... except sometimes the crack is actually bone. Ouch is right. I can't help it. Sometimes these things are worse then others like when I am very upset, stressed, excited, etc.

But aside from my normal OCD I get at least one idea in my head daily that I can't get out and I obsess about it. This can be a food, a product (damn those infomercials), a movie, something someone said or did, etc. I often can't get to sleep because of this. There is no actual rhyme or reason to this but I just obsess until it goes away or more often a new obsession comes along.

So because this happens so often I am tracking it. Maybe the tracking of my obsessions will become my new obsession. Either way now you can join in the fun by following what is just one more of the things that is odd with me. Yes, this is only one thing in the long line (don't get me started on my podophobia). So come and follow and obsess with me and check back on the Current Obsession page often. You never know how long I will obsess or what it will be about!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Momma Dramma (again)

I hate drama. I really do. I know a lot of people say that then go and start some. I hate those people. But what really bakes my cookies is when my family starts the drama.

As I mentioned in yesterdays post my mom brought out the "bitch" for Ds birthday. It really just got me so upset.

Here's a little back story:
My family doesn't get along even after more then a decade of divorce. My dads side (what we call the spanish side) can be social. My dad may have his guff with my mom and other then the occasional snotty comment (which he doesn't ever make around her) is very nice to her. The same goes for my abuella who when faced with my mother will make a point to be just as courteous to my mom as my mom is to her. Now my moms side (what we call the white side) is about the same. My grandma will be polite. That's just how she is. Sort of a "country style politeness" that I don't think she can control because she is always polite to everyone regardless of her personal like or dislike of them. My mom, who unlike my dad is remarried, hates my dad and his family. It's funny because she was the one who wanted the divorce, yet she is the one who seems to hold some kind of grudge and hate him. I have psycho analyzed it myself several times and have some theories on why... but that has little to do with the issue so I digress.  So because my family doesn't get along birthdays for the kids are always hard. It always comes off as a turf war with each side of the family posted at opposing ends of a place. So because of that we struggle to pick neutral places for events. This time it was my house. Believe me, I was none too thrilled at the prospect of having everyone over but I did it for the kids and thought the adults would suck it up and behave for the same reason.

Here's how it went down:
They "party" was supposed to start at 2:00pm. Now I say party loosely because this was only for family so they would see D on her birthday, otherwise that would have been an issue. Likewise would I have only invited one side or done one side of the family at one time then the other side at another someone would have been pissed because of favoritism.

My grandma got there at 1:30, before D had arrived with my Dad and abuella. When my grandma and grandpa got there they pulled their car into my yard. He always does this, we don't know why, he just does. Now I may not have the nicest house nor do I have the best looking yard but I didn't want a car in it. What little grass I have is very sensitive and dies with the slightest amount of mistreatment. So I asked my grandfather to move his car. He does. No problem... so far.

Well my dad and abuella arrive with D, then Robin arrived with Karli and we are pretty much ready to start... except my Mom is not there. She was bringing ice so while we waited for her we also were waiting on cold drinks. Some time after 2:30 she gets there... AND PULLS HER CORVETTE INTO MY YARD!

Not a big deal, I'll just ask her to move it. I answer the door and her first words are "I bet you thought I forgot about today". I replied very nicely "No, I just figured something very important came up to be late for your granddaughter's birthday".

I then said, "Hey, would you guys move the car out of the yard? We are trying to keep the grass looking nicer".

Her respnonse, "Fine but if I move it I'm leaving." Then came a plethora of jokes from everyone one about how my yard is shitty anyway so why am I worried about saving weeds, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I said "It's my house and who cares the reason, if I ask you to not park on my lawn you shouldn't do it". I left it at that because I didn't want a fight. I was trying very hard to avoid one.

I don't remember exactly who or what was said next but I remember thinking it wasn't a big deal because no one there (well maybe other then my mom) was looking to argue. Either way, something was said and then she said, "Well I can just leave". "THEN GO," I replied and walked into the bathroom and cried. James of course was angry. Not just because she was rude but because she does this to me all the time and it pisses him off and I won't let him say anything because I don't want her and him fighting and making my life even more difficult.

Robin came in and said things I already knew were true like "Your better then this", "Your better then her", "Don't let her ruin the day", "She is only making herself look bad".

It's just I dont' stand up to my mom because I spent years doing it and defying her in every way to the point I hated myself for it and I hated her for how she was. I am so grateful that I have grown and matured into someone who accepts her (faults and all) and I do my best not to fight anymore. I had enough when I was younger. (This may be why now I let everyone walk all over me. Another issue I have to work on.)

So after I collect myself I come out and my mom rushes us to open gifts. Fine, we do. Then she announces "Ok, we are leaving". I bought a freaking cookie cake and she couldn't be bothered to get here on time and now is leaving before the cake?!?! So after I explained that I would like everyone to stay for the cake, she did.. sort of. She stayed long enough to sing and then hauled butt out of there with her mom trying to follow her out as fast as she could too.

But dont' worry, I wasn't abandoned. Robin and my dad and abuella hung out but because this is already bugging me and my abuella needs little incentive to speak bad about my mom I got to hear about the day's episode for an hour and then all during the next day.

I just don't understand why she has to act like that. Like me asking her to move her car was such an insult that she would miss or ruin her granddaughter's birthday. I know she isn't that close to D or A. She let's everyone know B is her favorite but please fake it!

So it has been bugging me and slowly chipping away at my restraint over the last couple of days. By this I mean that I have to say something to here. I probably won't come out and say anything. I will be distant and cold until she is prompted to ask why and then tell her. She will come up with some crap story and I will let it go just like I let the Bad Mom Comments go. And in a month I will be posting again about what she has done to upset me.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Wow! 2 Already?!?!

It's amazing. I just can't believe my little girl is 2 already. And after several severe cases of MRSA during the last year I am just so thankful that she is doing so well and is so healthy right now. I honestly wasn't going to give her a party this year but I figured since at one point last year I honestly didn't think we would see a second birthday I decided that was a reason to celebrate.

We had our normal playdate crew come and hang out at Chuck E Cheese for some birthday fun.

The kids rode rides and D and her friend Ayla stalked Chuck E. And I do mean stalked. They tailed him all over the place. I took so many pictures of it but the girls were so tense with excitement over him they all came out looking goofy but it will make for an awesome scrapbook page! 

Of course we had some cake and as always D made a huge mess!
And the girls set up camp on a game and started playing with the toys. Poor Ayla got D this Dora doll and really didn't want to give it up. She told her mom "D can play with it over here." So I may just have to get her one for her birthday since she was so good about giving it as a gift.
It was a great day even considering my mom being her normal bitchy self. (I will post about that later on, I don't want to kill my happy birthday buzz by getting into negativity.)

So Happy Birthday D. I can't believe you are 2. Bubba, Sissy, Daddy and I love you so much.

(Now please stop singing Happy Birthday to yourself. Your birthday is over for the year!)