Friday, March 11, 2011


Friends come and go... but the need for them is always there.. even if you don't know it.

I got an email recently that I had received several times before but the last time I got it it really stuck with me. (I've attached it to the bottom of this post in case you want to read it.) You probably have gotten it or read it somewhere too. It's the one that says "Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime".

It's caused me to think about friendships a lot lately. Not just the ones I am currently have but the ones I don't have any longer.

I've been thinking about the things in my life that  have happened and how they have led me away from certain relationships or led others away from me. And it made me appreciate the lost relationships more because whether for a reason or a season I had those relationships and I gained in some way from them all.

About a week ago I was at a party where I met up with a friend that I hadn't really talked to in three years. Oddly enough only 6 years ago I would have called this girl my best friend (if not one of my only friends and she had often said the same of me). Since then when I had seen her in passing in public places we'd hug and ask after each other and then go on with out day. But being seated at the same table for a couple hours forces you into conversation. The typical "how are the kids" spiel doesn't fill enough airtime so unless you come up with something better you get a lot of uncomfortable silence. Do you talk about the old days? Do you keep asking generic questions just to fill the silence? Maybe I should ask why we don't talk anymore?  But as I sat wondering what to say it seemed we were starting to slip back into a very familiar place. I could still remember some of the things she had done that had hurt me even if they weren't intentional but they didn't seem that important anymore. She'd make a joke, I'd add some witty and sarcastic comment and we'd both laugh and give silly high-fives. It wasn't like it used to be but it was chummy enough to really make me miss how we were. It's like the seasons had changed and maybe this relationship would bloom again.

Then a few days later I got a call on my phone that I missed. When I called back I got a voicemail and still haven't gotten a call back. The call had been from a friend that I had lost touch with. When I had started a new job she was the only person there that was just kind for no reason. She even got me addicted to scrapbooking. She and I became very close but when I got pregnant and preparing for a baby while she was preparing to send a child off to college we seemed to drift apart. Leaving work and staying home made it even harder to see each other. She visited a few times after I had Devan and I'd call but slowly she'd take longer and longer to respond and when she'd call until at some point we both just stopped. It's really sad to me to have lost touch with this woman. But I did have her friendship at a time when I really needed a friend and that was the reason we bonded. Even though I haven't spoken to her in what feels like ages I still consider her a friend.

And all the friends from your school years. That's a perfect example of having a friend for a reason. How could you get through high school without at least one true friend? I had a few friends in school that meant the world to me. I stopped talking to them because life changed and we all grew up and inevitably grew apart but as our lives began to all start going the same direction again with marriage and kids we ran into each other at the grocery store or movie theater or wherever. We'd always swap numbers and promise to call and since we all had kids now we'd say we would get them together for a playdate but I would never call... and they would never call. Sometimes it was because I lost their number for a week and by the time I found it I figure if they wanted to talk they would have called me. I wonder if they though the same because neither of us called. These were girls that slept over at my house, we swapped clothes shared secrets. These were the girls that I depended on to help me navigate the wilds of adolescence... why didn't I just call? Why didn't they?

It's sad to think of the friends that you leave behind or lose along the road of life. It's sadder when you miss an opportunity to reunite or keep in touch with them. But the greatest tragedy is when you fail to find new friends. For years after school I didn't really have any friends. I mean... I had friends but not friends. I guess what you would call those relationships were friendly acquaintances. Good for after work drinks or a ride in if you needed a lift but no real obligations or strings attached. Sad right? Odd thing is I loved it. I didn't want or need friends. I was an adult after all!

So why now do I rely so heavily on the friends I have made as a mother? I think it's because once you become a mom you once again revisit the loneliness and uncertainty and insecurity that prior to that you only knew while walking the halls of your school just one fish amongst a sea or prepubescent minnows with an occasional shark. You need a kindred spirit to confide in. You need the sage advice of another mom or even the sympathetic ear they can offer.

As of now I can't imagine my life without some of my friends. Ultimately they all add something to my life and without them I feel like something would really be lacking. But will these friendships endure? Who can say. I certainly hope they will but if during the course of life I lose touch with friends again for whatever reason I can always hope and look forward to the horizon where another friendship may be waiting.


People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON.
•It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
•They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
•to provide you with guidance and support,
•to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
•They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
•They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, t
his person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
•Sometimes they die.
•Sometimes they walk away.
•Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
•They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
•They may teach you something you have never done.
•They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it; it is real.
But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to:
•accept the lesson,
•love the person and
•put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

No comments:

Post a Comment