Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Talking Crap

Warning: I am going to talk about poop so this may stink (get it?) or at least get mildly yucky read on with caution.

I am irked by my hubbys bowles. He does a number 2 at least 4 times a day... each time is for at least 30 minutes.

My main issue is originally I thought there may be something wrong medically. But aside from my concerns about his health I am annoyed by it.

I know he can't help it. I realize this and I may sound bitchy for be bugged by it but it literally effects my life! We can't go to dinner without me bringing my kindle because I know that at some point he will disappear to the restrooms for at least 30 minutes. My kids and I often get stuck waiting around in a store because he has to hit the can while we are out. And the fact that he goes frequently regardless of convienence isn't as bad as his toilet "quirks".

He won't go to the john without "reading material". It drives me crazy. A magazine, the ipad, he has to have soemthing to read or mess with.  Maybe if you weren't playing "Angry Birds" or catching up on MSN News you wouldn't be in there so long? He has litterally read the back of shampoos and lotion bottles. Does reading make things come out better?  Seriously!

I mean I know I don't go #2 as often as most people but even when I do I am not in there longer then 5 minutes tops. So as I am complaining about his bathroom antics to one of my friends she tells me her DH does the exact same thing!!! WTF?!?! So is this normal man behavior? I mean I try not to understand men... I find it to be pointless but in this case I am curious. I just don't think women do this... but maybe this is some deep rooted habitual trait ingrained in the male species?

I don't make a big deal out of it to hubby because I do know he honestly can't help having to go but the fact that he makes no effort to prevent this or at least check with his doctor to make sure it's nothing more serious pisses me off. So as he grunts and pants and drops friends off at the pool all I can do is sit and be annoyed and mildly concerned and hope the bathroom airs out soon so I can take a shower and in the meantime I will talk crap on my blog. (Get it? Talking crap... because we are talking about real crap.... Hey! Is this thing on?)


  1. I am with you 100%. I'm convinced at this point that my husband is literally unaware of what it feels like to actually need to poop. Remind him as frequently as possible that staying in "that" position encourages hemorrhoids!!

    We almost missed a flight once because he decided he needed to take the browns to the super bowl right as our plane was boarding. A girlfriend actually broke up with him over the issue - NOW I GET IT.

    At least nice to know that I'm not the only one bothered by it =)

  2. Talking crap is such a Tampa term. I love it...I say it all the time! I thought it was because I was Cuban and all we do is talk crap!

    My hubs is an hour-long pooper, too, and ALWAYS just as we're leaving the house. The WORST is the moment we enter the mall, Target or any other place he doesn't like to go he immediately says "Babe, you have 5 minutes because I have a stomach ache."