Tuesday, December 6, 2011

If you have your own side then we must be on different sides.

I tend to blog more when I am upset because it makes me feel better to get my frustrations out. And since I all I really want to do is feel better about crap that happened yesterday and other involved parties are not making any attempt to keep the issues to themselves I am going to get it out.

Basically I was told by a friend that she got some complaints about a photo on facebook for my website http://www.tampabaymomsgrou.com/. The thing is no matter what she said or meant the issue came when my feeling got hurt. I didnt' think she tried to hurt them on purpose but then she made a few snarky emails. I didn't even worry about them. Again, I wold have sworn she was just unintentionally insensitive and in all honesty I was too hurt. The thought that someone would complain about a photo, something so petty, I use on a site that I put so much into really was a blow that I wasn't ready for after what had been an already very trying day.

I don't do the site for praise or thanks but give me a break! I don't want to hear that "multiple people have complained" about anything. I work too damn hard and it just was very discouraging and hurt. And to find out all at once that she allegedly had people complain over a a period of months... well I felt ganged up on. If this was the case she should have said something months ago. What was she hanging on to everything to build a case? Say something when it happens or don't say anything at all.

Plus I am one of those who thinks when it comes to the opinions of others "Ignorance is Bliss". Firstly because I rarely care what anyone thinks about me unless I have a personal interest in them or the situation. Secondly because if I find out people dislike something I am proud of or just happy with it sucks.

So I was hurt. End of story. It wasn't directed at anyone but I was upset and angry and just trying to get over it. Well... that apparently wasn't ok. While I was trying to deal with this,  this friend had to make this an issue between she and I. I wasn't even mad at her but she had to run around giving her side of a story. If you aren't fighting or disagreeing with someone you don't need to have a side right? Well that's what I think... so the fact that she felt the need to fill people in really pissed me off. I made a post on TBMG in my normal snarky, sarcastic half serious way where I make jokes to deal with pain ( I called my self out for acting like such a baby several times) and I just wanted to vent... and it worked! Well until she had to make my pain about her.

And because she had such an issue I had people present me the conspiracy theory of the day... "Maybe she was the only one with the problem and that's why she took it personally." Sounded like a logically idea to me but I still just wanted to get over it and after i wrote it out I felt better... until she had to make a post with a freaking screenshot and a pretty bad comment.

I deleted her response because again I still wasn't feeling like this was a "she vs I thing". So when I told her as nicely as I could that I deleted her post and why... she got pissed. She said she wanted her side told. I then deleted the whole post because I was told that it could scare away new site members. Honestly I don't care. If someone is that bothered by me saying how I feel I don't really want them on the site. But then with her messages and this "my side" issue I think I finally snapped. That's it then. You want there to be sides, then that means it's a "you vs I thing". That means this is a argument, issue, fight, whatever. 

I was way more upset then I should have been, way more upset than I characteristically would be about something like this. I knew that but knowing you are being irrational about what someone says doesn't always make you stop feeling like shit. I just wanted to vent on my site. I felt like I should be allowed because lord knows everyone else is given that privilege. But whatever. I told her I was too upset and just taking time away from it all. And I tried. BOY DID I TRY!!! But even today she was calling people to tell her side. By the way during the course of this insanity her sides details have changed more then once but whatever.

So if a "friend" who hurt me unintentionally or not was actually sorry I feel like she would stop trying to draw more people into this but since she won't I have to wonder what's more important... my feelings or "her side"? I wasn't going to even post about this but if she wants to share her side of the story with anyone that will listen then I will share my feelings.

I was hurt and she made this about her. Not everything has to be about her and that's why I can't get over it yet. I may be a bad friend because I let this get to me at this level but up until this became a "us" issue I never thought our friendship was being called to account. I feel bashed and betrayed from too many angles.

I'll get over it all at some point... but I have to wonder what will have changed irreparably by then?.

No comments:

Post a Comment