I posted this on my social site last month (here). I wrote it Mach 11th. I didn't post it here because I didn't want to make a big deal at the time and honestly I was so shook up by it that I didn't want to discuss it at all. But I ended up posting on the other site mostly as a warning to other parents. I wanted to post it here at some point but forgot so I'm doing it now. So here is the post I made.
Last Thursday was like any other day. We woke up, had breakfast, did a few workbook pages in Ds book. Then my mom stopped by to visit. She decided to watch D for me while I jumped in the shower. We let D get in the jacuzzi which is honestly about as warm as her bath (since we use it mostly for the kids). By the time I got out of the shower she was getting out. She was laughing and playing with my mom. I got dressed then we went and dressed D.
After she was dressed i told her I'd make lunch and D went skipping out of her room. About 5 seconds later she yelled and said she hurt herself. I came out and saw she had fell and scratched her knee. Nothing major but there was a little blood. So i picked her up, she wasn't even crying... just complaining and asking for the "Hello Kitty" band-aids. So I set her on the counter and had my mom hold her while I got the peroxide, neosporine and band-aids. I began cleaning her scratch and she fell over on the counter.
I thought she was throwing a fit so I said something about being nice or not pitching fits, but when we sat her up she was stuttering and making a weird noise. I then thought she was hyperventilating which has happened a few times in the past but it was when she started convulsing that I knew it was serious. I screamed for my mom to call 911. While my mom was on the phone D shook violently and I was scared. My mom shoved the phone at me and said they need your address. I began to give it to the operator and then I saw D losing color.
Her lips where blue. I yelled at the operator (or my mom, or honestly maybe to myself) "She's not breathing!!!" and I dropped the phone and snatched her away from my mom. I laid her on her back on the counter and checked for breathing and a pulse. There was nothing that I could find. I began CPR. Please do not think I was calm and clear headed. I was bordering on hysterical but thankfully put Ds needs ahead of my panic.
Her body was so still and her little lips were so blue and lifeless I thought "Dear God, she's already gone". As I breathed into her tiny little mouth once, and then again I begged God to help me. I think maybe he did because she started breathing again but she didn't want to stay awake. I kept talking to her, trying to get her conscious and aware. I kept praying "God, give her back, don't you take her away from me!"
I laid her on the ground by the window so the light would hopefully help her stay awake.
Most everything else was a blur. She slowly came too as the paramedics surrounded her. She remained out of it the whole ride to the hospital. The paramedic said me doing CPR may have saved her life. (I think that and my hysterical prayers.)
A CAT Scan came back normal. We don't know why she had a seizure. We don't know if much. She has to go in for more testing but I do know my baby is alive and that is all that matters.
I thought I lost her. I have never been more scared in my life. I swear I saw her life slipping away from me as I held her and thought I can't live without this girl. She was so small in my hands. She was so helpless and I felt even more so. And by the grace of God she came back to me. I am terrified now. Since we don't know what triggered or caused the episode we don't know what can be done to prevent another. The Dr said none of the things that occurred that day should have caused it. It's crazy that a healthy child on a perfectly normal happy day could almost die and for no reason.
Since Thursday she is now sleeping in my bed and can't go more then 5 feet away without me panicking. I am terrified that if I close my eyes for a second it will happen again and I won't be able to save her. I am scared that even if I am there and it happens again I won't be able to save her. I keep seeing her face blue and vacant and her sweet face expressionless and her body limp and lifeless. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop talking about it. It's on my mind and weighing heavily on my heart.
I know I will get better as time passes. I hope that the tests we have coming up will come back normal. The DR said some kids have a seizure for no discernable reason and never have another. I pray that this is the case with Dn.
But I also pray that none of you ever have to deal with anything so scary... but please learn CPR and the Heimlich maneuver just in case.
I have had to do the Heimlich on 2 of my 3 kids and have had to do CPR once. I hope I won't have to use them ever again but if I do I feel as prepared as I guess you can for that situation.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN EMERGENCY LIFE SAVING TECHNIQUES. I plan to set up a CPR & Heimlich class for TBMG. I have done it on other sites I was a part of but it has never been more near or dear to my heart as now.