Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Momma Dramma (again)

I hate drama. I really do. I know a lot of people say that then go and start some. I hate those people. But what really bakes my cookies is when my family starts the drama.

As I mentioned in yesterdays post my mom brought out the "bitch" for Ds birthday. It really just got me so upset.

Here's a little back story:
My family doesn't get along even after more then a decade of divorce. My dads side (what we call the spanish side) can be social. My dad may have his guff with my mom and other then the occasional snotty comment (which he doesn't ever make around her) is very nice to her. The same goes for my abuella who when faced with my mother will make a point to be just as courteous to my mom as my mom is to her. Now my moms side (what we call the white side) is about the same. My grandma will be polite. That's just how she is. Sort of a "country style politeness" that I don't think she can control because she is always polite to everyone regardless of her personal like or dislike of them. My mom, who unlike my dad is remarried, hates my dad and his family. It's funny because she was the one who wanted the divorce, yet she is the one who seems to hold some kind of grudge and hate him. I have psycho analyzed it myself several times and have some theories on why... but that has little to do with the issue so I digress.  So because my family doesn't get along birthdays for the kids are always hard. It always comes off as a turf war with each side of the family posted at opposing ends of a place. So because of that we struggle to pick neutral places for events. This time it was my house. Believe me, I was none too thrilled at the prospect of having everyone over but I did it for the kids and thought the adults would suck it up and behave for the same reason.

Here's how it went down:
They "party" was supposed to start at 2:00pm. Now I say party loosely because this was only for family so they would see D on her birthday, otherwise that would have been an issue. Likewise would I have only invited one side or done one side of the family at one time then the other side at another someone would have been pissed because of favoritism.

My grandma got there at 1:30, before D had arrived with my Dad and abuella. When my grandma and grandpa got there they pulled their car into my yard. He always does this, we don't know why, he just does. Now I may not have the nicest house nor do I have the best looking yard but I didn't want a car in it. What little grass I have is very sensitive and dies with the slightest amount of mistreatment. So I asked my grandfather to move his car. He does. No problem... so far.

Well my dad and abuella arrive with D, then Robin arrived with Karli and we are pretty much ready to start... except my Mom is not there. She was bringing ice so while we waited for her we also were waiting on cold drinks. Some time after 2:30 she gets there... AND PULLS HER CORVETTE INTO MY YARD!

Not a big deal, I'll just ask her to move it. I answer the door and her first words are "I bet you thought I forgot about today". I replied very nicely "No, I just figured something very important came up to be late for your granddaughter's birthday".

I then said, "Hey, would you guys move the car out of the yard? We are trying to keep the grass looking nicer".

Her respnonse, "Fine but if I move it I'm leaving." Then came a plethora of jokes from everyone one about how my yard is shitty anyway so why am I worried about saving weeds, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I said "It's my house and who cares the reason, if I ask you to not park on my lawn you shouldn't do it". I left it at that because I didn't want a fight. I was trying very hard to avoid one.

I don't remember exactly who or what was said next but I remember thinking it wasn't a big deal because no one there (well maybe other then my mom) was looking to argue. Either way, something was said and then she said, "Well I can just leave". "THEN GO," I replied and walked into the bathroom and cried. James of course was angry. Not just because she was rude but because she does this to me all the time and it pisses him off and I won't let him say anything because I don't want her and him fighting and making my life even more difficult.

Robin came in and said things I already knew were true like "Your better then this", "Your better then her", "Don't let her ruin the day", "She is only making herself look bad".

It's just I dont' stand up to my mom because I spent years doing it and defying her in every way to the point I hated myself for it and I hated her for how she was. I am so grateful that I have grown and matured into someone who accepts her (faults and all) and I do my best not to fight anymore. I had enough when I was younger. (This may be why now I let everyone walk all over me. Another issue I have to work on.)

So after I collect myself I come out and my mom rushes us to open gifts. Fine, we do. Then she announces "Ok, we are leaving". I bought a freaking cookie cake and she couldn't be bothered to get here on time and now is leaving before the cake?!?! So after I explained that I would like everyone to stay for the cake, she did.. sort of. She stayed long enough to sing and then hauled butt out of there with her mom trying to follow her out as fast as she could too.

But dont' worry, I wasn't abandoned. Robin and my dad and abuella hung out but because this is already bugging me and my abuella needs little incentive to speak bad about my mom I got to hear about the day's episode for an hour and then all during the next day.

I just don't understand why she has to act like that. Like me asking her to move her car was such an insult that she would miss or ruin her granddaughter's birthday. I know she isn't that close to D or A. She let's everyone know B is her favorite but please fake it!

So it has been bugging me and slowly chipping away at my restraint over the last couple of days. By this I mean that I have to say something to here. I probably won't come out and say anything. I will be distant and cold until she is prompted to ask why and then tell her. She will come up with some crap story and I will let it go just like I let the Bad Mom Comments go. And in a month I will be posting again about what she has done to upset me.


  1. Seem like to me she was trying to make the day about her, not your daughter. Just Ignore Her.

  2. Steffany, you can only take so much but I totally understand the "not saying anything" and trying not to fight! My parents divorced when i was 10 months old so I've lived and continue to live in your shoes with my parents.

    my mom is one of my best friends but gets jealous about my dad spending time with us (when they come to fl and when we go to ohio and the girls stay there overnight) she thinks i go to ohio to only spend time with her.

    My wedding was CHAOS because my dad pitched in $0. Which i expected. and after my kids were born I told both of them. "look, I did this for 21 years of back and forth HELL with you two"....if you can't be civil, say hello and get along for the sake of my children STAY HOME! and they've been "generously kind" to each other.

    I know your parents are different but stand your ground about not making an exception because of THEIR CHOICES. Mom is mom right, so we deal. Accepting them for who they are is the right direction but rude is rude you know? I'd personally let it go, cause thats me but my heart tells me to tell you to at least say "You were out of line, made me upset at MY daughters party and it wont happen again". My husbands parents do WHATEVER they want and unless I physically tell them You pissed me off, they'll do it again and again!

    Blow steam off whenever you want. It's your space!