Sunday, August 21, 2011

Walmart = Retail Cesspool

What is it about Walmart that makes it the culmination of society's nastiest and most ignorant people? It's like a Retail Cesspool.

Seriously! I don't think there is anyone in America that hasn't been in a Walmart. And why would there be? There is a Wally World or ten in every city. They are not only convenient but also one of the cheapest places to buy anything, (not just in price but in quality as well). And the fact that you can get school uniforms, toilet paper, hardware and mulch all in one trip has it's benefits. But in spite of the one-stop shopping and rock bottom prices I loathe the place.

On top of it all, they let you return just about anything with a bar code! No receipt? No problem! They'll give you a store credit! This works out great for me since I always lose things but it also works great for the dirt bag that returned a toy after after stealing it and taking out some pieces (presumably to replace ones they themselves lost)  that Walmart re shelved and I just bought. Sure half of what I buy has been opened or returned for defects and then restocked or even just a piece of crap that breaks within one use. It was a great deal! Or so you think until you realize the trip cost you quadruple the price of the item in gas from having to come back to exchange it and lord only knows how much in therapy because some of the employees and many of the patrons have pushed you that much closer towards your future nervous breakdown.

I don't know why I keep going there. Oh yeah, it's because of all the things I've mentioned above and what seems to be a total disregard to my own well being! Are the "Roll Back Prices" really worth my sanity? Well after yet another trying attempt at shopping the answer is an emphatic NO!

It was my fault really. I know not to go into Walmart within a week of any major event. This includes holidays and in today's case... the start of school. But like the hard headed idiot I am I packed up the 3 kids and decided to brave the masses on a peak time during the weekend. (Maybe I have suicidal tendencies?)

Don't get me wrong. Not every person in Walmart (be it employee or customer) is an undereducated trashbag. But those who are negate the fact that there may actually be intelligent life in the building. After all stupid can be much more powerful than smart and when in Walmart this is ever apparent. Why? Because stupid is contagious!!! I caught it today when I got into and argument with these twins. Not only did they look like they just stumbled out of a crack house but they had bad attitudes to boot. And sure, everyone has a right to be ugly and gross but to have two of these schmucks walking around seems almost unfair to everyone else that has to see them.

People in Walmart fall into 3 categories. One is the generally nice pleasant and polite group that go in, share the aisles, smile and make being stuck in a line behind them completely bearable. But they are rarely the problems. The problems are the other two groups. These are the people that either walk like they are on a mission and all who cross there path will be torn asunder (or at least rammed with a cart). They have the look of some internal turmoil gleaming in their eye and the faint smell of someone looking for a fight. The others people meander slowly if not lethargically down the aisles coming to complete stops in the middle of intersections as they mull over some mindless thought that has managed to find it's way into their tiny little brain. The latter of these are annoying but pose no real threat to anything other than my patience. The former however was behind me in the check out line.

Needless to say after shopping and dealing with 3 kids (who weren't bad so much as just tired) I got into a check out line already worn out feeling defeated by the day. I began loading my things onto the belt and these two women squawk "You just cut us in line". Here's the thing...  How did I manage to get three kids, a cart and myself up to a check out and load six items on the belt if these two women were in line? Not likely but I rarely go looking for an argument so I turned around to see to identically ugly old trashy looking twins behind me. I was actually polite when I told them I didn't know they were in line.

I didn't have an attitude, in fact I honestly didn't care if they went ahead of me... until they began to curse in front of my kids, saying that they were looking at their coupons when I cut in front of them. Again, I wasn't looking for a problem and had they been of the same mind no one would have found one. But to mistake my manners and general easy going attitude as being weak is a mistake of epic proportions. So I said that it was uncalled for to cuss at me in front of my kids. They decided that because I said this calmly and politely I was meek and wouldn't do anything. WRONG!  No one cusses in front of my kids except me!!!

I proceeded to go into a 5 minute tirade of insults and profanities while the poor cashier and guy checking out in front of me starred on with open mouths and wide eyes. At first they tried to scream over me but I only raised my voice loud enough so I know they could hear it and basically gave them a verbal beat down ending with them shutting their mouths and not making eye contact with me again.

Again, I would rather not fight with anyone, especially with my kids present, but not wanting to argue or fight doesn't mean can't or won't. Once it was obvious that they were done and staying quiet I went back to loading my items, bought the kids a drink, made small talk with the cashier and loaded my bags in the cart. As I was leaving one of them decided to make another comment. I turned and smiled and said I hope they have a horrible day, and "Be careful leaving the store because it would be a shame if they walked out at the same time I drove by distracted." I then left and just for giggles waited taking my time loading and packing my car and returning the cart... just to see if they came right out after me. They didn't. They must have stayed inside for at least 10 minutes so after I couldn't reasonably stall any longer without the kids wondering why I left.

Now am I proud of how I acted? Not really. My kids hear me cuss and say things they know they shouldn't say but to watch me launch a verbal assault probably won't win me any "parent of the year" awards. But I am also glad that as this all went down they just kinda laughed or smiled. On the drive home I explained that I lost my temper but they both said they were embarrassed up until the point I said something back. I told them starting fights isn't a good thing but sticking up for yourself is but I also told them better ways to handle situations like that. Did they actually learn anything? Probably not (unless don't push mom too far was a lesson they needed to learn). But I learned something...

NEVER GO BACK TO WALMART. They money I save may have to be used to bail me out of jail.

(Apologies to any Walmart customers or employees who are not brainless pieces of garbage,this is not a slight at you, just me venting. And thank you for not being a blight of the retail world.)

And if you want a good laugh at the "Retail Giant" and some of it's customers, check out:

No comments:

Post a Comment