Friday, December 16, 2011

Need a good deal on a chastity belt.

Today was a bowling alley field trip and half day for B and as usual I volunteered to chaperon. When I got to the school the teacher pointed out the kids riding with me. Both of which were boys, one of which (who we will call Brian) was sharing a chair with B at a computer station. I thought is odd but being the overbearing parent I am I promised myself to lay off today so I said nothing.

On the way to the bowling alley B and Brian were texting each other in the back seat. No biggie. We got to the bowling alley and and B kept running off and basically went MIA several times. The group on her lane had to keep stopping their game just to find her. I didn't go crazy, I only went searching for her once and told her to either bowl or tell her group to skip her but she can't run off leaving everyone to wait on her. Again I didn't want to be a nag but she kept running off. Lucky for her I promised myself to give the her some space.

Well, when I give her an inch she doesn't take a mile... she drives straight off a cliff. On the way back to school the other boy says, "I saw what you were doing in the corner."

"What were you doing in the corner?" I asked.
"Nothing," said Brian.
"Something. What were you kissing?" I asked and turned to look at B .
"I don't remember," she says.
I was shocked and finally said "Well, if she can't remember it couldn't have been too good."

I didnt' want to freak out... especially in front of the other kids but I was floored. I actually sat through the next green light and even missed the turn to get back to school. When we finally go there (the longest 8 minute ride ever i might add) I had an idea.

"B , give me your phone."

The look on her face said it all. I was NOT going to like what I found.

Basically they started texting a day or so ago but today the messages started at 6:24am! Now mind you both B and Brian have special needs of some kind. I have typed EXACTLY what they wrote (and even for text talk this exchange is pathetic) and you can see my notes in red and the message I sent in green...

6:24 Her: what are you doing
6:25 Him: eating. what u doing.
6:28 Her: I am leaving to go to school
6:33 Him: Im not yet.
6:58 Him: So what are you doing
At least this partially explains why it takes my kid who has an assigned uniform twice as long to get ready each day. She's farting around on her phone.

I think this is where we get in my car and the two love jerks, I mean birds start texting in the back seat. The idea that my toddler was buckled between them during the exchange creeps me out even more.
8:50 Him: Hey I love you
8:51 Him: Its true
Ok, thanks Romeo but you're moving kinda fast.
8:51 Her: I love you to
Argh... I guess not to fast for my kid.
8:52 Him: Want to date behind joes back
So I guess Joe is her current "boyfriend" (who knew?!?) and now this guy is trying to convince my sweet girl to become a cheater?!?!? What makes him think she's that kind of girl?
8:53 Her: Yes
Oh, well maybe she is. What a little hoochie!
8:54 Him: Ok baby
8:55 Him: whats wrong with me calling u baby
Um... does it matter if her moms not okay with you calling my baby baby?
8:56 Her: Do you want to kiss
Ok, my sweet little girl is a hoe! Jeez, she just started talking to this kid 2 hours ago and has already decided to cheat on this Joe fella and is planning her and Brians first rendezvous?!?!
8:56 Him: when. yes. love you
Well, did you honestly expect him to say no?
8:57 Her: After school
Once again I have discovered why my kid is late. Now I know what she's doing when she's not in the pick up line where she should be. What a sleeze!
8:58 Him: I can't. I have a bus that i have to go on. lets kiss if we bang into each other at the bathroom at the bowling place
At least the boy has priorities. And suggesting a bathroom tryst? Now that's classy.
9:00 Her: ok
And of course my slutty kid is game.
9:02 Him: who do you like more me or joe
Only an hour into the affair and he's already feeling insecure and trying to get her to leave her man? Rookie.
9:02 Her: you
Now maybe she means it, maybe she's running game. Either way I am annoyed.
9:03 Him: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thanks baby
9:04 Him: Love you cutie
I think I'm going to be sick.
9:13 Her: thank you.
At least I taught her manners even if I didn't teach her how not to be a hoe-bag.
10:51 Her: i love
10:52 Him: I love you. that kiss was awesome.
Um... how many are you able to gauge this against. If my kid gets mono I have your number buddy!
10:58 Her: awww we love you.
We? Are we having a Ménage à trois or did B suddenly get MPD? I later found out her friends were texting with her.  
10:59 Him: an i love u both to
Ok, this isn't "Sister Wives" buddy. Besides B already has 2 boyfriends...
11:00 Her: I can't wait to kiss you again and you are sexy
Again I was told the last line was text by her friend after I went into a tirade over her not even knowing what sex was so why would she call anyone sexy?!?! I am thinking I need to look at these "friends" more closely.
11:01 Him: so are you sexy
11:02 Her: you are sexyer
You know what's sexy? Proper spelling, grammar and punctuation. These kids... NOT SEXY.
11:02 Him: what are you texting.
Apparently a tween version of soft core sexts.
11:03 Him: no u are
I must have missed something here.
11:03 Her: Go in the room and kiss
She is such a little slut!
11:04 Him: k1 sec
And he's not on my list of favorite people either.

At this point I believe we are back in the car driving to school.
11:13 Him: i love you baby
Argh! Will you stop the love crap already!
11:15 Her: I love you to
She's such a follower.
11:16 Him: I want to kiss you again
Why buy the cow when it will kiss you for free?
11:16 Her: ok

This is just after the other boy said he saw what they were doing in the corner.
11:18 Him: I'm going to kill him
And I want to kill you.
11:19 Her: I want to kill him too
Didn't you think for even a second that while "making out" with a boy on a field trip your mom was chaperoning there was even the slightest chance you may get caught?!?!?
11:19 Him: he is such a jerk
Yeah, it was kinda a jerk move snitching them out but it worked to my benefit. Hooray for snitches!
11:20 Her: i know
At least one person in the car is honest. Thank you tattle tale boy.
11:21 Him: I hope you dont get in trouble
Hope all you want. Your slutty little girlfriend is grounded.
11:21 Her: me too
Do you even know me?!?!?
11:22 Him: love you baby
Poor Romeo
11:23 Her: I love you
Alas our Juliette
11:28 Him: I don't know where we can kiss again.
So many things keeping them apart... distance, winter break, the fact that B will be lucky if she is allowed to leave her room ever again and my foot in this boys ass!
11:50 Him: Hey sup
Yeah, that's romantic.

At this point we leave school and on the way home we have a talk and I tell her she's punished. But she can't just let it go...
12:48 Her: in the bathroom
Um... gross?
12:49 Him: me to
Um... double gross!
12:51 Her: ok
Kids are dumb.
12:53 Him: so sup
Who told this kid this was a good line to use on girls?
12:54 Her: I love you
Well, I guess it works huh?
12:54 Him: love you to
That's it. I've tried to be nice and not embarrass anyone but screw this.
1:30 ME: This is B mom. I would appreciate you and B keeping your hands and mouths to yourselves, especially while at school and during school functions.
1:31 Him: ok
Yeah, you don't want to mess with me!
1:33 Me: Thank you
1:34 Him: Welcome
Other then the fact that this kid was making out with my daughter he's actually a pretty likable guy. But the whole tongue in my kids mouth negates anything he had going for him.

So obviously I am not happy. I punished B but I can't really punish her for kissing at 12 even though I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to. I know if I punish her for this now she's going to go to even greater lengths to hide this type of thing from me in the future. So I told her she's being punished for smooching at school. I told her she is never to do things like this at any sort of school function. She's cleaning the house top to bottom (I'm actually glad she got in trouble so I could pass this task off to her). She also lost her phone and is restricted all weekend to her room with no electronics.

I can't tell if I am being to hard on her or not. I just don't know what else to do but if anyone knows where  I can get a good deal on a pair of iron undies please email me.

1 comment:

  1. This is a hard one because they are both special needs. Just keep talking to her and make sure she understands what she doing and what actions are acceptable and what actions are not. Oh, and pray she doesn't start deleting her text messages!

    You're doing a great job so far!!