It can't always be fair in my house

In my house there are lots of double standards when it comes to the kids. Ais almost 10 and is able to do so many things that B who is turning 12 can't. Sometimes the difference is due to gender and other times it's because B is special needs.

Months ago I had asked the hubby if he thought we could send B  to Girl Scout sleep away camp. It's a 15 minute drive from our house at a camp both she and I have already stayed at and are familiar with. The verdict was an emphatic NO! Part of the decision is based on us not trusting others with her due to her disabilities and part of it is us not trusting her. She just doesn't always have the ability to use good judgement and make good decisions. Sure it's a short drive but if we can't go a week without some issue at homethen what should we expect during a week of her being with people who arent' used to her. I almost think because of the change of scene and people she would be better but it's a risk we just can't take.  

Even though I basically agree with James about her not going I was still upset today when James informed me that my son would be going to a sleep away camp that we have never been to nor heard of that is over a 2 hour drive from our house. Sure Adrian is more responsible but he's younger and going to be farther away the B  would. I know that those two facts won't suddenly make B  able to go but it still is a frustration that he can go without much of a discussion or concern while she can't even go to a theme park for a day with a friend without a good deal of stress and debate.

It makes me realize as they grow how much more these differences will be apparent to them. I worry about having to explain even more thoroughly to Adrian why B  can't do things and I worry even more about how I will explain it to B. I worry if  who is 10 years younger than B will one day surpass B in what she is able to do and how I will explain that. It's stressful and disheartening and makes me want to cry. And there is nothing I can do about it but hope B gets to a point where she can do these things herself. In the meantime I have to find ways to down play what Adrian can do to B and up sell what she can do to herself. I know things can't always be fair but why does it always have to be so hard?