Saturday, December 10, 2011

No Heavy Lifting

Tonight I think I caught my husband off guard. He needed me to lift our insanely heavy mattress with him and I said sure... but walked right past him to the bathroom. He says "Aren't you going to help?" and I respond "Yeah but if I don't pee first I may have to change my pants after."

After an odd look and good laugh I explained that having 2 kids does a number to your body.

There are many things I lost after the births of my girls. Things like the ability to rock a bikini, or go braless in a halter or jump on an trampoline without pissing myself.

These things are part of life and a side effect of motherhood for some... but I guess my husband never put much thought into the things that happened to my body underneath the stretch marks. Sure I don't have to play jump rope with the kids but it would be nice to be be able to even after downing a big gulp... but once you are pregnant and have a kid you can't just hope in the bounce house all care free and willy nilly. Well, I guess you could but you may have a little dribble. Then you'd have to blame the wet spot on some kid at the party and that's just sad.

I know this isn't something most people talk about... and probably not anything most people want to hear. Sure it's kind of gross and a bit taboo but it's life! I'm not walking around pissing myself or anything but there have been times when I have been laughing so hard I have to crumple to the floor in an attempt to literally not laugh the piss out of me. And there was that time at Airheads Trampoline Arena when I barely made it to the restroom.

And of course you hear "do Kegel exercises". Yeah... I have three kids that as soon as I walk into the bathroom they start beating on the door. I don't have time to practice stopping my flow of urine in an attempt to strengthen those muscles. I have to get in, out and on with life! And lord know I can't sit and type doing it. It's just kinda weird and in all honesty a little exhausting. (I think my va-jay-jay actually got tired last time I tried.) And we all know other then Yoga I have this unnatural aversion to exercise.

So the solution is simple. Err on the side of caution. Always operate on and empty bladder or NO HEAVY LIFTING.


  1. Lol!!! The last line cracked me up!! So true though !!

  2. I just had one of those moments earlier today while moving heavy boxes by myself in the garage.

    However, sneezing is the worse for me. So if you ever hear me sneeze followed by some expletives, that means the kegels have failed me again.

  3. I have to pee RIGHT before I workout...and sometimes in the middle....and forget doing jumping jacks!