No Heavy Lifting

Tonight I think I caught my husband off guard. He needed me to lift our insanely heavy mattress with him and I said sure... but walked right past him to the bathroom. He says "Aren't you going to help?" and I respond "Yeah but if I don't pee first I may have to change my pants after."

After an odd look and good laugh I explained that having 2 kids does a number to your body.

There are many things I lost after the births of my girls. Things like the ability to rock a bikini, or go braless in a halter or jump on an trampoline without pissing myself.

These things are part of life and a side effect of motherhood for some... but I guess my husband never put much thought into the things that happened to my body underneath the stretch marks. Sure I don't have to play jump rope with the kids but it would be nice to be be able to even after downing a big gulp... but once you are pregnant and have a kid you can't just hope in the bounce house all care free and willy nilly. Well, I guess you could but you may have a little dribble. Then you'd have to blame the wet spot on some kid at the party and that's just sad.

I know this isn't something most people talk about... and probably not anything most people want to hear. Sure it's kind of gross and a bit taboo but it's life! I'm not walking around pissing myself or anything but there have been times when I have been laughing so hard I have to crumple to the floor in an attempt to literally not laugh the piss out of me. And there was that time at Airheads Trampoline Arena when I barely made it to the restroom.

And of course you hear "do Kegel exercises". Yeah... I have three kids that as soon as I walk into the bathroom they start beating on the door. I don't have time to practice stopping my flow of urine in an attempt to strengthen those muscles. I have to get in, out and on with life! And lord know I can't sit and type doing it. It's just kinda weird and in all honesty a little exhausting. (I think my va-jay-jay actually got tired last time I tried.) And we all know other then Yoga I have this unnatural aversion to exercise.

So the solution is simple. Err on the side of caution. Always operate on and empty bladder or NO HEAVY LIFTING.