Tuesday, August 14, 2012

You never leave a doctor feeling better.

Today I took B in for her 1 year check up.

They asked her to fill out a form on her own asking her questions that she may not want to have me hear and the form stated that her answers would be kept confidential... FROM ME.

I thought there may be a chance that I wouldn't be ok with her filling out a form privately that I would not be privileged to but since she couldn't make out most of the words on the page I had to help her anyway so my possible issue was moot. And not only could she barely read the damn thing... she didn't even understand many of the things when I read it to her such as the questions "Have you ever knowingly inhaled concentrated chemicals to get high?". She couldn't figure out why she would breath while focusing on chemicals and how that would get her "high". Thanks a lot Doc. Now I have to explain huffing to my kid. So I did and we had the whole homonym discussion where I explain that some words sound or are spelled alike and have different meanings.

Then we had the question "Have you ever had sex?" followed by "Could you be pregnant?". Her response... "That's not appropriate to ask a child!". Well I couldn't agree more... but sadly it's often a necessary questions.

See my kid knows drugs are bad though she doesn't know all the terminology for and methods of getting high. She also knows the bare essentials of sex because she knows it's something you do only when you are married. Now this isn't because we are a family of prudes... or I'm such a great mom that my kids moral compass is pointing due north at all times. It's because she's special needs and we try to K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Sweetie) when it comes to this stuff. And at this point in her life she accepts what we say so we are going to roll with it.

So once the questionnaire was out of the way I tossed her a pamphlet on "Puberty in Girls" and couldn't help but chuckle as she gasped at the photos. Then she asked me what "s-o-r-e" spelled and I told her and she gasped again. I asked her what was wrong and she says in a terrified questioning way "My boobs will go away?!?!". What the hell is she reading? So she reads it out loud to me. "It says 'Some girls breast will get sore but it will go away'"... and she looks at me hoping for reassurance which I was happy to give. "B, when you go through puberty sometimes your boobs get sore... and the soreness goes away. NOT YOUR BOOBS!" You can't imagine her relief.

So a little while later the Dr comes in and turns out B needs to get her eyes retested because they weren't looking so hot. Great... glasses for a kid who can't make it a school year without lossing her backpack. This should be fun.

The Dr then says she doesn't expect B to grow anymore. This took me by surprise because I always thought she was on the tall side but when I was shown her growth chart it was there in pink and blue spaghetti graph lines... she has only grown about 2 inches in the last few years. YIKES!

The Dr explains that girls don't often grow much more once they get their period. Well... that sucks for my kid who got hers at 10!!! Now my daughter is freaking out because she is going to be short. Well... there are worse things to happen but maybe not when you are 13. I do plan to do a bit more research on this...

But in the meantime B has once again stated how she really doesn't like going to the Dr. She says, and I'd have to agree, "You never leave there feeling better and isn't that the reason you go?"